“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengence is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty; give him something to drink; for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
-Romans 12:9-21
Take this as you will. See this as you will. But I ask you: where does it say that we are to kill our enemies, to act out vengence for something done to our country? Where does it say that we should hate our enemies and take their lives?
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Violence, love, and cops.
So a few weeks ago, I wrote an article about Christians and their response to homelessness and poverty. That article still rings true, I still hold to everything that I said in it. However, in this article, I am going to expand on the idea brought forth in the last article. If you were unable to read the last article, essentially what it said was this: Christians need to step up, follow what the Bible says, and provide for the poor and homeless. We need to figure out what love is and truly love people, following after the work that the early Christian church did with giving to all who had need. Minneapolis and Hennepin County alone has thousands of people homeless and sleeping in shelters and on the street while Christians sleep in warm houses with extra beds. This in and of itself is a travesty and something that we should change.
All of that being said, I would like to address a few more topics about homelessness that have not been touched upon yet. This article is going to take a more personal approach as a Christian who both has experienced homelessness (voluntarily) and is trying to do something about the homelessness I have seen in Minneapolis.
This story starts less than a week ago. Last Thursday, I had Thanksgiving with my family. It was absolutely wonderful being able to spend time with people I love and have known my whole life. I swear my family is comprised of professional chefs and bakers although none of them hold a job as one. I watched my family come together over a filling meal and realized that food is one thing that can always bring people together, no matter their differences. My sister and I packed up some food leftover from the meal (enough for about four full plates) and I headed down to Minneapolis to share Thanksgiving with more people I love.
Two friends and I reached Minneapolis with a mission to find people to love on. Within fifteen minutes, we met Fairbanks. He was leaning on a wall outside of a ritzy hotel just off of Nicollet Avenue with no pack, no bag, no nothing. We asked him what he was up to, started talking with him, and asked if he wanted to share a meal with us. As we started walking back to the car a few blocks away, an employee from the hotel approached us. “Hey guys,” he said “you can’t stay here.” When he noticed Fairbanks with a visible limp and unable to walk a straight line, he told us, “That guy needs to sit down.” We knew that, but we also knew that he would be the last person to offer this homeless dude a place to rest his feet.
Later in the night we were trying to find Fairbanks a place to sleep for the night since he had been kicked out of his apartment the week previous. It was 11:15 p.m., we had spent a few hours with this man already and enjoyed listening to his stories, his poetry, and just talking with him. Since most shelters have a curfew of 11:00 p.m., we were having no luck in taking Fairbanks to a place where we knew he would be warm and taken care of, even if just for a night. As we were talking to Fairbanks and trying to find a place for him to go, a police officer stopped by us and asked us to roll down our car window. He told us that there is no stopping on the road we were on (even though we were in a parking spot on the side of the road) and to move along. Somehow, upon looking into our dark car, he saw Fairbanks. “Careful,” the police officer stated, “that guy can be really violent.”
We rolled up the window and started snickering, Fairbanks included. “Violent?” he questioned, knowing that just a few days previous he had been beaten up (a huge egg left above his eyebrow with glass probably still in the wound) and had his bag stolen from him.
This is not the first time I have had a run in with a police officer. While I know they think they are correct and are trying to protect people, violence and treating people without dignity and love is not the way to handle people, homeless or not. They demand respect when none is given to the people they are demanding respect from. Lesson #1 from being on the streets in Minneapolis: if you want to gain someone’s respect, you have to respect them. Not even talking about love, just respect.
I decided that this summer, I would try and live semi-homeless for a few nights. This meant sleeping in my car in Minneapolis, by myself. I always had some place to sleep if I wanted it, but I wanted just a little taste of what homeless people felt. Once, I even had a homeless friend stay in my car with me. She was overjoyed at the thought and I wondered why I hadn’t invited her into my home on wheels sooner. Anyway, one of the first nights I decided to do this I found a place in downtown Minneapolis to park my car. Within the night, I had three different police officers knock on my window. Each time I calmly explained to the officers that there were no signs posted about parking overnight nor was I violating any laws: I was simply trying to get a few hours of sleep. The first two cops told me they would be keeping an eye on me. It was when the third cop came and pounded on my window that I began to get irritated. I’m ornery enough when I get woken up, but three times in one night by the same police department sends me BEYOND ornery. I flung open my driver’s side door to speak with him and immediately he jumped to defenses. “Calm down!” he yelled. I didn’t even respond since I was still trying to wake up for the third time that night. “What are you doing here?” he demanded to know as if the last two officers had not asked the same thing. As the questioning increased, so did my agitation. True, I probably didn’t handle it in the best way, but neither did the police officer. Instead of seeing me as someone trying to get a few simple hours of sleep, he saw me as a threat and treated me as one.
I’ve seen it other times as well. I’ve seen fights break out about half a block away and cops stop it with more violence. What Minneapolis needs is not more law enforcement, but more people to love. More people willing to get others off the street. More people willing to open their hearts and their homes to the poor and hurting.
This past weekend I saw the movie “The Blindside.” Very few movies bring tears to my eyes, but this movie definitely did. I watched as a family loved a young man who had never had a bed or a chance to thrive in society. The way this family was brought together made me hopeful to see more of this in society; more Christians opening their homes to people who need a place to sleep. Sure, not every family is wealthy nor is every homeless person a 17-year-old boy with potential to become a professional football player. But each person deserves a chance at life and each person deserves love and respect. Every family has something to give: if it is not a home, it is time and provision of needs for everyone they come in contact with.
I have had a lot of people from both the Morris area and the Minneapolis area ask what they can do to help. Many people feel helpless in both places and instead of researching ways to make a difference, they just assume someone else is doing the work. Here’s the truth: the work it takes to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, and love the broken is more work than just the few who are devoting their time and energy to it can handle. We need your help. Volunteer at the local food shelf. Take a friend who is struggling financially out for dinner. Spend time with someone who you know is hurting emotionally, spiritually, or physically. Find the location of a local free store and volunteer your time. Go out on the street and talk to people; make relationships with people you never would have met otherwise. Don’t let fear of what might happen stop you or have police officers and the media send you negative messages about people who are living with less: remember, they are hurting people. And always serve with a servant’s heart, not expecting anything in return yet still helping because you want to show love to people.
Lesson #2 learned from being on the streets of Minneapolis: Love knows no bounds. Love on the least likely people and you never know what will happen.
All of that being said, I would like to address a few more topics about homelessness that have not been touched upon yet. This article is going to take a more personal approach as a Christian who both has experienced homelessness (voluntarily) and is trying to do something about the homelessness I have seen in Minneapolis.
This story starts less than a week ago. Last Thursday, I had Thanksgiving with my family. It was absolutely wonderful being able to spend time with people I love and have known my whole life. I swear my family is comprised of professional chefs and bakers although none of them hold a job as one. I watched my family come together over a filling meal and realized that food is one thing that can always bring people together, no matter their differences. My sister and I packed up some food leftover from the meal (enough for about four full plates) and I headed down to Minneapolis to share Thanksgiving with more people I love.
Two friends and I reached Minneapolis with a mission to find people to love on. Within fifteen minutes, we met Fairbanks. He was leaning on a wall outside of a ritzy hotel just off of Nicollet Avenue with no pack, no bag, no nothing. We asked him what he was up to, started talking with him, and asked if he wanted to share a meal with us. As we started walking back to the car a few blocks away, an employee from the hotel approached us. “Hey guys,” he said “you can’t stay here.” When he noticed Fairbanks with a visible limp and unable to walk a straight line, he told us, “That guy needs to sit down.” We knew that, but we also knew that he would be the last person to offer this homeless dude a place to rest his feet.
Later in the night we were trying to find Fairbanks a place to sleep for the night since he had been kicked out of his apartment the week previous. It was 11:15 p.m., we had spent a few hours with this man already and enjoyed listening to his stories, his poetry, and just talking with him. Since most shelters have a curfew of 11:00 p.m., we were having no luck in taking Fairbanks to a place where we knew he would be warm and taken care of, even if just for a night. As we were talking to Fairbanks and trying to find a place for him to go, a police officer stopped by us and asked us to roll down our car window. He told us that there is no stopping on the road we were on (even though we were in a parking spot on the side of the road) and to move along. Somehow, upon looking into our dark car, he saw Fairbanks. “Careful,” the police officer stated, “that guy can be really violent.”
We rolled up the window and started snickering, Fairbanks included. “Violent?” he questioned, knowing that just a few days previous he had been beaten up (a huge egg left above his eyebrow with glass probably still in the wound) and had his bag stolen from him.
This is not the first time I have had a run in with a police officer. While I know they think they are correct and are trying to protect people, violence and treating people without dignity and love is not the way to handle people, homeless or not. They demand respect when none is given to the people they are demanding respect from. Lesson #1 from being on the streets in Minneapolis: if you want to gain someone’s respect, you have to respect them. Not even talking about love, just respect.
I decided that this summer, I would try and live semi-homeless for a few nights. This meant sleeping in my car in Minneapolis, by myself. I always had some place to sleep if I wanted it, but I wanted just a little taste of what homeless people felt. Once, I even had a homeless friend stay in my car with me. She was overjoyed at the thought and I wondered why I hadn’t invited her into my home on wheels sooner. Anyway, one of the first nights I decided to do this I found a place in downtown Minneapolis to park my car. Within the night, I had three different police officers knock on my window. Each time I calmly explained to the officers that there were no signs posted about parking overnight nor was I violating any laws: I was simply trying to get a few hours of sleep. The first two cops told me they would be keeping an eye on me. It was when the third cop came and pounded on my window that I began to get irritated. I’m ornery enough when I get woken up, but three times in one night by the same police department sends me BEYOND ornery. I flung open my driver’s side door to speak with him and immediately he jumped to defenses. “Calm down!” he yelled. I didn’t even respond since I was still trying to wake up for the third time that night. “What are you doing here?” he demanded to know as if the last two officers had not asked the same thing. As the questioning increased, so did my agitation. True, I probably didn’t handle it in the best way, but neither did the police officer. Instead of seeing me as someone trying to get a few simple hours of sleep, he saw me as a threat and treated me as one.
I’ve seen it other times as well. I’ve seen fights break out about half a block away and cops stop it with more violence. What Minneapolis needs is not more law enforcement, but more people to love. More people willing to get others off the street. More people willing to open their hearts and their homes to the poor and hurting.
This past weekend I saw the movie “The Blindside.” Very few movies bring tears to my eyes, but this movie definitely did. I watched as a family loved a young man who had never had a bed or a chance to thrive in society. The way this family was brought together made me hopeful to see more of this in society; more Christians opening their homes to people who need a place to sleep. Sure, not every family is wealthy nor is every homeless person a 17-year-old boy with potential to become a professional football player. But each person deserves a chance at life and each person deserves love and respect. Every family has something to give: if it is not a home, it is time and provision of needs for everyone they come in contact with.
I have had a lot of people from both the Morris area and the Minneapolis area ask what they can do to help. Many people feel helpless in both places and instead of researching ways to make a difference, they just assume someone else is doing the work. Here’s the truth: the work it takes to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, and love the broken is more work than just the few who are devoting their time and energy to it can handle. We need your help. Volunteer at the local food shelf. Take a friend who is struggling financially out for dinner. Spend time with someone who you know is hurting emotionally, spiritually, or physically. Find the location of a local free store and volunteer your time. Go out on the street and talk to people; make relationships with people you never would have met otherwise. Don’t let fear of what might happen stop you or have police officers and the media send you negative messages about people who are living with less: remember, they are hurting people. And always serve with a servant’s heart, not expecting anything in return yet still helping because you want to show love to people.
Lesson #2 learned from being on the streets of Minneapolis: Love knows no bounds. Love on the least likely people and you never know what will happen.
A call for prayer; an answer to prayer; Jenessa loves prayer.
As stated previously (I think it was a post at the end of August), God has placed it on my heart to start a community home. My time in Morris and at college is rapidly coming to a close. This is a bittersweet time for me since I do not particularly want to grow up but I know that it’s time to spread my wings a little and get out into the working world. I firmly believe God has given me a four-year degree to find a job at a non-profit organization and to start a community home in Minneapolis.
For months I have been praying that God would send me a second– another person to work alongside me in starting a community home. Someone who understands the needs of the poor and homeless and wants to meet those needs. Someone whose heart beats only because Jesus has created it to be that way. Someone who shares the gospel fearlessly and who can love on anyone they come in contact with. Needless to say, this type of person is few and far between. In addition, I have to be able to get along with them, and well.
A little over a month ago, I went to a screening with Brandt Russo and “Adopt-a-Jesus” at The Fallout in Minneapolis. I have wanted to go to this place for a long time and felt God tugging at me to get there. Finally, He did. When I walked in the door, I knew this place was one that I could feel at home in, one that I could love on people in and create relationships with the people who worked and rested there. I will never forget that night, nor will I forget the people I met there. I cannot wait to get back to Minneapolis to spend more time within the walls of The Fallout and outside the walls with the people I have met/will meet there.
At the film screening, I met two amazing people that God has decided should remain in my life: Dave and Tina. These two people continue to amaze me and spur me on toward Christ in ways very few other people have been able to; I cannot wait to see where our friendship takes us. I thank God He has placed them in my life and pray that they would keep on their fervent search for Him in the secret place.
So, the time is drawing ever nearer for the community home to begin taking shape. I will be touring with Brandt and his film from January through mid-March and then heading out to West Virginia (God-willing) for a week or maybe a little more. In April, I will be back in Minnesota, looking for a job (hopefully non-profit) or two and starting the dream: finding a house to make a home, getting sponsorship from suburban churches who want to partner with us in ministry (which I will be starting now) and loving on the poor and homeless in Minneapolis in every way possible. But one problem remains: I need a second. Since Tina attends Northwestern College, I cannot ask her to be my second. Thus comes Dave. I asked him a few days ago about it and he is very excited about the concept- I ask for your prayers and covet them. I ask that you completely cover him in prayer, asking God to grant him a sense of peace about the way he should go, whether it be starting this home alongside me or doing something else. I am fairly certain he is the answer to my prayers; when I found out about the film screening at The Fallout I had a feeling I would find my second there. I even think I told Brandt about how excited I was for that screening for that reason- that’s how certain I was about it. However, if Dave is not meant to be a part of this home, I know God will provide someone, maybe even someone else from The Fallout, to partner with me and love people the way Christ loved.
Alright, now that that’s all said and done, time to tell you a little more about “Adopt-a-Jesus.” If you have not checked it out yet, you must! www.adoptajesus.com I am so blessed to be able to be a part of this. God-willing, I will be heading out on the road with Brandt Russo on January 5th. I need your prayers, your support (financially and spiritually), and your love as I get completely out of my comfort zone and become some sort of a second for Brandt. I am so excited to be able to talk about God with people through this film and share the Gospel in any and every situation.
Well, that blog was long enough. Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in every circumstance!! I love you all.
For months I have been praying that God would send me a second– another person to work alongside me in starting a community home. Someone who understands the needs of the poor and homeless and wants to meet those needs. Someone whose heart beats only because Jesus has created it to be that way. Someone who shares the gospel fearlessly and who can love on anyone they come in contact with. Needless to say, this type of person is few and far between. In addition, I have to be able to get along with them, and well.
A little over a month ago, I went to a screening with Brandt Russo and “Adopt-a-Jesus” at The Fallout in Minneapolis. I have wanted to go to this place for a long time and felt God tugging at me to get there. Finally, He did. When I walked in the door, I knew this place was one that I could feel at home in, one that I could love on people in and create relationships with the people who worked and rested there. I will never forget that night, nor will I forget the people I met there. I cannot wait to get back to Minneapolis to spend more time within the walls of The Fallout and outside the walls with the people I have met/will meet there.
At the film screening, I met two amazing people that God has decided should remain in my life: Dave and Tina. These two people continue to amaze me and spur me on toward Christ in ways very few other people have been able to; I cannot wait to see where our friendship takes us. I thank God He has placed them in my life and pray that they would keep on their fervent search for Him in the secret place.
So, the time is drawing ever nearer for the community home to begin taking shape. I will be touring with Brandt and his film from January through mid-March and then heading out to West Virginia (God-willing) for a week or maybe a little more. In April, I will be back in Minnesota, looking for a job (hopefully non-profit) or two and starting the dream: finding a house to make a home, getting sponsorship from suburban churches who want to partner with us in ministry (which I will be starting now) and loving on the poor and homeless in Minneapolis in every way possible. But one problem remains: I need a second. Since Tina attends Northwestern College, I cannot ask her to be my second. Thus comes Dave. I asked him a few days ago about it and he is very excited about the concept- I ask for your prayers and covet them. I ask that you completely cover him in prayer, asking God to grant him a sense of peace about the way he should go, whether it be starting this home alongside me or doing something else. I am fairly certain he is the answer to my prayers; when I found out about the film screening at The Fallout I had a feeling I would find my second there. I even think I told Brandt about how excited I was for that screening for that reason- that’s how certain I was about it. However, if Dave is not meant to be a part of this home, I know God will provide someone, maybe even someone else from The Fallout, to partner with me and love people the way Christ loved.
Alright, now that that’s all said and done, time to tell you a little more about “Adopt-a-Jesus.” If you have not checked it out yet, you must! www.adoptajesus.com I am so blessed to be able to be a part of this. God-willing, I will be heading out on the road with Brandt Russo on January 5th. I need your prayers, your support (financially and spiritually), and your love as I get completely out of my comfort zone and become some sort of a second for Brandt. I am so excited to be able to talk about God with people through this film and share the Gospel in any and every situation.
Well, that blog was long enough. Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in every circumstance!! I love you all.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Woolf, war, homelessness, and Septimus Prime
This is an excerpt from a little over halfway through my Nanowrimo novel. The novel is written in stream of consciousness, largely influenced by the overwhelming amounts of Virginia Woolf and James Joyce I have read in the past year. However, I have my own twist to the stream of consciousness narrative voices. I put it together like Woolf, going between the thoughts of many people, but their interactions with one another is what sparks a perspective shift. To the modern reader, I think this will be easier to read.
The story is about a soldier who remains nameless throughout the novel. It starts pre-Vietnam War and shows the soldier as his family and friends see him. In typical Woolfian fashion, we see little to nothing about the war itself, other than the faint echoes it has with the Mrs. Dalloway/Mrs. Ramsay character, Mrs. Thompson. She is the mother of the soldier and expects far too much from the man who comes back from the war. The novel continues with the way people see his inability to come back to normal life and his mother is the only one who takes him in despite his (obvious to the reader) mental incapabilities due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When his mother dies of cancer, soldier has no choice but to find his existence on the street. The first time we hear anything from his point-of-view is in the following excerpt, near the end.
And for all you Virginia Woolf fans, yes, this soldier is based off of Septimus... I lovingly called him "Septimus Prime" in my working draft (this still is a working draft, I guess). And yes, he does have problems with communication. Afterall, this is the first time we hear from him.
Without any further ado, here is an excerpt from my yet-to-be-named nanowrimo piece.
“What a beautifully horrific sight. I have never seen anything like this place during my entire existence. My desire is to penetrate the curtain the fog creates, to plunge my hand, then my legs, and thrust my body into the unknown behind the white-reflecting particles. Yet I know that, when I do, I will find myself not found. I will see nothing, only the glow of more particles bouncing off the mysterious white light. Where does that light come from? From the glow of a creator? The earth radiates green, but the fog reflects white. Perhaps when I find myself in this mist, I will find myself in the presence of a creator.
My body trembles at the idea, at the mere thought. I should sit until I can collect myself, sit here on this bench where the curves of my legs find their home. Husband always scolds me so for leaving early in the morn, but I cannot help but find a thrill while filling my being with this place. It is my secret, the only thing that follows me here are my own footprints. A haven, yet a treasure cove.
The morning sun slowly burns away the mystique of this place. Every morning, I see a new image appear from the encircling fog. Yesterday I saw the birdhouse the grave keeper (although I hear he is just a groundskeeper, I like to think of him as keeping graves) created and erected. I hate the sight of the thing. The grounds are sacred, hallowed. Silence pervades the area until even a caterpillar can be heard in a nearby tree. It is part of the horrific beauty, part of the dead. The grave keeper himself must be in fear of losing his own life. Perhaps he already has, perhaps he is already dead and deceased, merely breathing. Oh grave keeper, keep your tired attempts at joy away from this mourning.
Alas, the first figure to grace my eyes is none other than a beautifully ornate statue, the first stop on my journey through the fading mist. I know I have seen this stone before, yet with the wind coming up to carry the fog away from it, it looks somehow different. The details are softened, the face of the man is attractive, entrancing. I cannot look away from his pupil-less eyes- he has the eyes of a warrior. A strong man, passionate, bewitching.”
“What the hell does that woman think she’s doing? This is my fracking bench, I lay here until the grave keeper calls me in every day. I don’t want to be disturbed, not even by the sight of a person. No shit the statue is crumbling, what did you expect? It’s old, years of service have made it into nothing but rock formed loosely together to create something that resembles a man.”
The story is about a soldier who remains nameless throughout the novel. It starts pre-Vietnam War and shows the soldier as his family and friends see him. In typical Woolfian fashion, we see little to nothing about the war itself, other than the faint echoes it has with the Mrs. Dalloway/Mrs. Ramsay character, Mrs. Thompson. She is the mother of the soldier and expects far too much from the man who comes back from the war. The novel continues with the way people see his inability to come back to normal life and his mother is the only one who takes him in despite his (obvious to the reader) mental incapabilities due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When his mother dies of cancer, soldier has no choice but to find his existence on the street. The first time we hear anything from his point-of-view is in the following excerpt, near the end.
And for all you Virginia Woolf fans, yes, this soldier is based off of Septimus... I lovingly called him "Septimus Prime" in my working draft (this still is a working draft, I guess). And yes, he does have problems with communication. Afterall, this is the first time we hear from him.
Without any further ado, here is an excerpt from my yet-to-be-named nanowrimo piece.
“What a beautifully horrific sight. I have never seen anything like this place during my entire existence. My desire is to penetrate the curtain the fog creates, to plunge my hand, then my legs, and thrust my body into the unknown behind the white-reflecting particles. Yet I know that, when I do, I will find myself not found. I will see nothing, only the glow of more particles bouncing off the mysterious white light. Where does that light come from? From the glow of a creator? The earth radiates green, but the fog reflects white. Perhaps when I find myself in this mist, I will find myself in the presence of a creator.
My body trembles at the idea, at the mere thought. I should sit until I can collect myself, sit here on this bench where the curves of my legs find their home. Husband always scolds me so for leaving early in the morn, but I cannot help but find a thrill while filling my being with this place. It is my secret, the only thing that follows me here are my own footprints. A haven, yet a treasure cove.
The morning sun slowly burns away the mystique of this place. Every morning, I see a new image appear from the encircling fog. Yesterday I saw the birdhouse the grave keeper (although I hear he is just a groundskeeper, I like to think of him as keeping graves) created and erected. I hate the sight of the thing. The grounds are sacred, hallowed. Silence pervades the area until even a caterpillar can be heard in a nearby tree. It is part of the horrific beauty, part of the dead. The grave keeper himself must be in fear of losing his own life. Perhaps he already has, perhaps he is already dead and deceased, merely breathing. Oh grave keeper, keep your tired attempts at joy away from this mourning.
Alas, the first figure to grace my eyes is none other than a beautifully ornate statue, the first stop on my journey through the fading mist. I know I have seen this stone before, yet with the wind coming up to carry the fog away from it, it looks somehow different. The details are softened, the face of the man is attractive, entrancing. I cannot look away from his pupil-less eyes- he has the eyes of a warrior. A strong man, passionate, bewitching.”
“What the hell does that woman think she’s doing? This is my fracking bench, I lay here until the grave keeper calls me in every day. I don’t want to be disturbed, not even by the sight of a person. No shit the statue is crumbling, what did you expect? It’s old, years of service have made it into nothing but rock formed loosely together to create something that resembles a man.”
Friday, November 20, 2009
My mind wanders and I wonder.
Tonight has been a hard night for me; today was a hard day. This week has been hard.
It was interesting to see who I reached out to. Of course I pulled out my Bible, read some Psalms, but I knew I had to talk to someone.
I had a few people text me back, but I knew that I couldn't really burden them with my heart. I told them a little, thanked them for being there for me, and just kept being upset.
Until I got a text back from one person in particular after asking him to tell me something happy. Here's his response: "I will call you in 30 min. Does that count as happy? :)" It was at this point that probably around five giant tears formed in my eyes. And I NEVER cry. When I say never, I mean never. The last time I remember crying was last February, and before that it was last October. About twice a year, and it's usually lasts only about three minutes tops and then I'm over and done with it.
Even though I had people text me back, he knew he had to call; he knew that's what I needed without even telling him.
Believe it or not, this guy was once my boyfriend. He was with me through all sorts of crazy stuff, and now that we're not together (and haven't been for over a year), he's been through even more with me. I don't know what I would do without him in my life- he honestly knows me better than almost everyone and still remains friends with me.
I guess what I'm trying to say through this post is that you should never ever lose a friendship with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend because the relationship that comes out of it could be even more beautiful than it was while you were dating. Try and stay friends... you never know what could happen!! You may have a new best friend. :)
It was interesting to see who I reached out to. Of course I pulled out my Bible, read some Psalms, but I knew I had to talk to someone.
I had a few people text me back, but I knew that I couldn't really burden them with my heart. I told them a little, thanked them for being there for me, and just kept being upset.
Until I got a text back from one person in particular after asking him to tell me something happy. Here's his response: "I will call you in 30 min. Does that count as happy? :)" It was at this point that probably around five giant tears formed in my eyes. And I NEVER cry. When I say never, I mean never. The last time I remember crying was last February, and before that it was last October. About twice a year, and it's usually lasts only about three minutes tops and then I'm over and done with it.
Even though I had people text me back, he knew he had to call; he knew that's what I needed without even telling him.
Believe it or not, this guy was once my boyfriend. He was with me through all sorts of crazy stuff, and now that we're not together (and haven't been for over a year), he's been through even more with me. I don't know what I would do without him in my life- he honestly knows me better than almost everyone and still remains friends with me.
I guess what I'm trying to say through this post is that you should never ever lose a friendship with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend because the relationship that comes out of it could be even more beautiful than it was while you were dating. Try and stay friends... you never know what could happen!! You may have a new best friend. :)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
A problem, a relationship, and ultimately: love.
The first time I ever encountered homelessness, it was not even true homelessness even though I thought it was. I was a young girl, living in the far-reaching suburbs of Minneapolis. In our small town we had a streetwalker named Jimmy Hutmaker. He wore old, grubby clothes and did not always smell the best. He mumbled to himself constantly, yet people always were talking to Jimmy as he roamed the streets of Excelsior, Minnesota. No matter the weather, Jimmy was there day after day, talking to people, telling his stories, and being provided for by the local businesses. He did have a home however, with his brother Ralph. When Ralph died in 2004, everyone in the community cared for Jimmy until his death in 2007.
I remember very little from my childhood, but I do remember Jimmy. I remember seeing the way the community cared for him, I remember talking to him when my dad and I would be in downtown Excelsior. I remember seeing the way he knew everyone and their history, loved everyone, and sought nothing other than relationships with the people who would come to the city of Excelsior. And I remember wanting that lifestyle. I loved the thought of everyone taking care of me because they loved me and I loved them. I could offer them a relationship, someone to talk to, and they could offer me a meal. I wanted to bring people together the way he did.
And I still do.
As I remember the story of Jimmy I also remember the hundreds of other people I have met who are also streetwalkers, but not by choice. I see John, Casey, Diane, all people with extraordinary stories and beautiful hearts who spend their days searching for a community and people to love them back. I begin to wonder if they will ever find this community, if people will ever take the words of Christ seriously when He calls us to love our neighbor and give freely to all who have need.
In Hennepin County alone (the county that holds only Minneapolis, not St. Paul) at least 3,000 people are homeless on any given night. Out of that 3,000 people, a large majority of them are women and children. 25% of those people are veterans 9http://wwwa.co.hennepin.mn.us/portal/site/HCInternet/menuitem.3f94db53874f9b6f68ce1e10b1466498/?vgnextoid=ed9be74bbcbb3110VgnVCM1000000f094689RCRD&vgnextfmt=default).
I would be wiling to bet that at least 20,000 people who label themselves as Christians live in Hennepin County.
For some reason, I find this very wrong. Why are we not stepping up as the church and helping those in need? Why are we not clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, loving the broken? Why are we labeling them all as lazy and sinners when we are told not to judge? Why are we not opening our houses and seeking to supply a loving and encouraging environment for those people forced to go to war?
Proverbs 21:13 says, “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.”
Proverbs 31:6-9 says, “Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Time for a story. Even if you don’t adhere to the Christian belief, you will find this amusing (and I hope it touches you). Last summer, I was what I would consider homeless. I had all the things I needed in my car and slept at the houses/apartments of my friends and family. I was well cared for, well loved because I have a support system. Many of the people who live on the streets of Minneapolis do not have the support system that I do and thus have no home to go to.
One such man is John, perhaps one of my favorite Vietnam vets. He is homeless, living wherever he can find a place for the night (whether it be an overwhelmed shelter or one of his favorite “nooks”). Because of his mental instability, the few members of his family that still supported him when he came back from the war left him to take care of himself; yet with his undiagnosed but obvious mental issues, he cannot. I have known John for over a year and whenever I see him, he always brings up one subject: beer. For a long time, I was a firm believer that I should not give money to the homeless because they may use it to buy liquor and thus whenever John would tell me that he really wanted a beer, I would smile at him and tell him that it would not solve his problems. “I know,” he would answer, “But boy, would it taste good and make a man happy during a time like this.”
When I got back to Morris to start school, my roommate told me about the verses in Proverbs 31 (written above). I immediately thought about John. The next time I went home for the weekend, I grabbed a six-pack at the liquor store and told John at breakfast on Saturday morning that I would come visit him that night (we’re not supposed to have liquor on the premises of the soup kitchen I was at that morning). He lit up and asked the occasion to which I replied, “You’ll see.”
That night I showed up and found John with some friends. I pulled the beer out of my car and I have never seen John light up like I saw him that night. The smile on his face was priceless; I will never forget how he looked when he took the first swig. I gave a few of the other guys around us a beer too and the chorus of “Thanks” and “Thank you”s I heard from those six bottles of beer probably outdid the number I heard in the soup kitchen that morning. When John asked me why my opinion had changed and why I had brought beer, I was able to read the verse from Proverbs. He chuckled and we spent the next few hours talking about the Bible and God with his friends, sharing the gospel and telling them about Christ’s love for us.
Honestly, I have been hesitant about telling this story to anyone in the church because of the condemnation I know I will receive. But the fingers that will be pointed at me by sharing this story are not the fingers of the Christians living on the streets, rather, it will be the fingers of those who have not seen the streets and do not understand how hard it is to live there. Some people living homeless in Minneapolis do have drug and alcohol problems and will jump you if given the chance. But we as the church need to see all people through God’s eyes. Everyone is broken, everyone sins, yet all are washed freely of all sins through Him. Why do we need to single out the people on the streets, criminalize them because of the substances they turn to, and refuse to love them? The simple answer is, we don’t. In fact, we should do the opposite and love all people despite the choices they make.
Whether or not you are a Christian, know that you can help and that you should help. I have met people from all walks of faith (or lack thereof) who care for the broken and needy and let me tell you- it’s a beautiful thing. This article is more of a wake up call to the Church, the people who are called to do something about the needs of those around them. Yet I think we can all learn from Christ and make the world a better place by loving those who need our love. Don’t be afraid to create a relationship with people just because of their situations and circumstances. Don’t hesitate to give to your local food shelf. Do go and help at soup kitchens. Do go talk to people out on the streets and hear their stories. Do let your heart be changed by what you hear. No matter who you are and even if you do not want to admit it now, know that there is One greater than ourselves looking down from above and smiling, knowing that you are carrying out His commands.
I remember very little from my childhood, but I do remember Jimmy. I remember seeing the way the community cared for him, I remember talking to him when my dad and I would be in downtown Excelsior. I remember seeing the way he knew everyone and their history, loved everyone, and sought nothing other than relationships with the people who would come to the city of Excelsior. And I remember wanting that lifestyle. I loved the thought of everyone taking care of me because they loved me and I loved them. I could offer them a relationship, someone to talk to, and they could offer me a meal. I wanted to bring people together the way he did.
And I still do.
As I remember the story of Jimmy I also remember the hundreds of other people I have met who are also streetwalkers, but not by choice. I see John, Casey, Diane, all people with extraordinary stories and beautiful hearts who spend their days searching for a community and people to love them back. I begin to wonder if they will ever find this community, if people will ever take the words of Christ seriously when He calls us to love our neighbor and give freely to all who have need.
In Hennepin County alone (the county that holds only Minneapolis, not St. Paul) at least 3,000 people are homeless on any given night. Out of that 3,000 people, a large majority of them are women and children. 25% of those people are veterans 9http://wwwa.co.hennepin.mn.us/portal/site/HCInternet/menuitem.3f94db53874f9b6f68ce1e10b1466498/?vgnextoid=ed9be74bbcbb3110VgnVCM1000000f094689RCRD&vgnextfmt=default).
I would be wiling to bet that at least 20,000 people who label themselves as Christians live in Hennepin County.
For some reason, I find this very wrong. Why are we not stepping up as the church and helping those in need? Why are we not clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, loving the broken? Why are we labeling them all as lazy and sinners when we are told not to judge? Why are we not opening our houses and seeking to supply a loving and encouraging environment for those people forced to go to war?
Proverbs 21:13 says, “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.”
Proverbs 31:6-9 says, “Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Time for a story. Even if you don’t adhere to the Christian belief, you will find this amusing (and I hope it touches you). Last summer, I was what I would consider homeless. I had all the things I needed in my car and slept at the houses/apartments of my friends and family. I was well cared for, well loved because I have a support system. Many of the people who live on the streets of Minneapolis do not have the support system that I do and thus have no home to go to.
One such man is John, perhaps one of my favorite Vietnam vets. He is homeless, living wherever he can find a place for the night (whether it be an overwhelmed shelter or one of his favorite “nooks”). Because of his mental instability, the few members of his family that still supported him when he came back from the war left him to take care of himself; yet with his undiagnosed but obvious mental issues, he cannot. I have known John for over a year and whenever I see him, he always brings up one subject: beer. For a long time, I was a firm believer that I should not give money to the homeless because they may use it to buy liquor and thus whenever John would tell me that he really wanted a beer, I would smile at him and tell him that it would not solve his problems. “I know,” he would answer, “But boy, would it taste good and make a man happy during a time like this.”
When I got back to Morris to start school, my roommate told me about the verses in Proverbs 31 (written above). I immediately thought about John. The next time I went home for the weekend, I grabbed a six-pack at the liquor store and told John at breakfast on Saturday morning that I would come visit him that night (we’re not supposed to have liquor on the premises of the soup kitchen I was at that morning). He lit up and asked the occasion to which I replied, “You’ll see.”
That night I showed up and found John with some friends. I pulled the beer out of my car and I have never seen John light up like I saw him that night. The smile on his face was priceless; I will never forget how he looked when he took the first swig. I gave a few of the other guys around us a beer too and the chorus of “Thanks” and “Thank you”s I heard from those six bottles of beer probably outdid the number I heard in the soup kitchen that morning. When John asked me why my opinion had changed and why I had brought beer, I was able to read the verse from Proverbs. He chuckled and we spent the next few hours talking about the Bible and God with his friends, sharing the gospel and telling them about Christ’s love for us.
Honestly, I have been hesitant about telling this story to anyone in the church because of the condemnation I know I will receive. But the fingers that will be pointed at me by sharing this story are not the fingers of the Christians living on the streets, rather, it will be the fingers of those who have not seen the streets and do not understand how hard it is to live there. Some people living homeless in Minneapolis do have drug and alcohol problems and will jump you if given the chance. But we as the church need to see all people through God’s eyes. Everyone is broken, everyone sins, yet all are washed freely of all sins through Him. Why do we need to single out the people on the streets, criminalize them because of the substances they turn to, and refuse to love them? The simple answer is, we don’t. In fact, we should do the opposite and love all people despite the choices they make.
Whether or not you are a Christian, know that you can help and that you should help. I have met people from all walks of faith (or lack thereof) who care for the broken and needy and let me tell you- it’s a beautiful thing. This article is more of a wake up call to the Church, the people who are called to do something about the needs of those around them. Yet I think we can all learn from Christ and make the world a better place by loving those who need our love. Don’t be afraid to create a relationship with people just because of their situations and circumstances. Don’t hesitate to give to your local food shelf. Do go and help at soup kitchens. Do go talk to people out on the streets and hear their stories. Do let your heart be changed by what you hear. No matter who you are and even if you do not want to admit it now, know that there is One greater than ourselves looking down from above and smiling, knowing that you are carrying out His commands.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Oh mackerals.
Alright. I'm taking some time away and telling you all about how I got involved with Adopt-a-Jesus. I've had a lot of questions about it and I would love to tell everyone the whole story, but sometimes there is just not time, patience, or strength for me to do it.
I have a twitter account (follow me !) and I was on it one day. I had heard the name Brandt Russo a few times in my life and knew he was a man who had a heart for the homeless and was actually doing something about it. As Aimee said, "He sounds like he's right up your ally!" I also have a heart for the people who find themselves living on the street because they have no other place to go. (Check out some of my blog posts for more info/what I believe about it.) Anyway, I was on twitter. I had clicked on Brandt's twitter page maybe once or twice before, but on this specific day I decided to add him. His first tweet after I added him was about "Adopt-a-Jesus," the film that he and Bob Wilkinson collaborated on in the summer of 2008. After I read a little about it and saw the poster, I was sold. I knew that this film had to come to Morris. I mean, this guy thinks green (he has a veggie bus) and he's a social activist (he's doing something about homelessness)- it's absolutely perfect for Morris. Plus, he portrays faith as something real and living, not just going to church on a Sunday morning and the religion people grew up with. That's something this campus needs to hear; a message I believe Brandt and Bob are going to get through with their film.
So, I tweeted Brandt Russo and gave him my e-mail address. He sent me a message back telling me to e-mail Charessa for booking. So I e-mail Charessa, start my facebook account back up (I loved my hiatus!), add her and Brandt to my account. Charessa and I start looking at dates that work for Morris and I find out that The Fallout in Minneapolis also wants Brandt to do a screening there. Charessa then asked me how far away I was from Kansas City, MO, which I thought was odd. But I was praying that night and asked what God wanted me to do with homeless ministry right now. He very distinctly said, "Pack your car with necessities for the homeless and go pick up Brandt in Kansas City." It was just a whisper, but a distinct whisper that I could not deny. Keep in mind that I don't know any of these people, I had only tweeted Brandt once and I don't know him at all. But still I obeyed, scared and nervous, telling Charessa that I had a unique mission placed on my heart. She called me later that day and thought it was lovely. Pretty soon I was finding other screenings to do along the trek from Kansas City to MN and all was in the works.
Then one day I was talking to Charessa on facebook, just checking in to see how everything was going. We ended up on the phone with each other. I don't remember the conversation specifically, but somehow I ended up on detail duty (the "somehow" I attribute to God)- something I love doing and I like to think I'm fairly good at.
You never know how God is going to use you or when/how He's going to call you. What may seem like coincidence never is, what appears to be just another event to go to or have may be a chance for you to shine God's glory. Keep your eyes peeled, your hearts ready, and your ears listening for your Heavenly Father's prompting. And when He tells you to jump, don't wade in, go for it, knowing that He's holding your hand and jumping in with you.
I have a twitter account (follow me !) and I was on it one day. I had heard the name Brandt Russo a few times in my life and knew he was a man who had a heart for the homeless and was actually doing something about it. As Aimee said, "He sounds like he's right up your ally!" I also have a heart for the people who find themselves living on the street because they have no other place to go. (Check out some of my blog posts for more info/what I believe about it.) Anyway, I was on twitter. I had clicked on Brandt's twitter page maybe once or twice before, but on this specific day I decided to add him. His first tweet after I added him was about "Adopt-a-Jesus," the film that he and Bob Wilkinson collaborated on in the summer of 2008. After I read a little about it and saw the poster, I was sold. I knew that this film had to come to Morris. I mean, this guy thinks green (he has a veggie bus) and he's a social activist (he's doing something about homelessness)- it's absolutely perfect for Morris. Plus, he portrays faith as something real and living, not just going to church on a Sunday morning and the religion people grew up with. That's something this campus needs to hear; a message I believe Brandt and Bob are going to get through with their film.
So, I tweeted Brandt Russo and gave him my e-mail address. He sent me a message back telling me to e-mail Charessa for booking. So I e-mail Charessa, start my facebook account back up (I loved my hiatus!), add her and Brandt to my account. Charessa and I start looking at dates that work for Morris and I find out that The Fallout in Minneapolis also wants Brandt to do a screening there. Charessa then asked me how far away I was from Kansas City, MO, which I thought was odd. But I was praying that night and asked what God wanted me to do with homeless ministry right now. He very distinctly said, "Pack your car with necessities for the homeless and go pick up Brandt in Kansas City." It was just a whisper, but a distinct whisper that I could not deny. Keep in mind that I don't know any of these people, I had only tweeted Brandt once and I don't know him at all. But still I obeyed, scared and nervous, telling Charessa that I had a unique mission placed on my heart. She called me later that day and thought it was lovely. Pretty soon I was finding other screenings to do along the trek from Kansas City to MN and all was in the works.
Then one day I was talking to Charessa on facebook, just checking in to see how everything was going. We ended up on the phone with each other. I don't remember the conversation specifically, but somehow I ended up on detail duty (the "somehow" I attribute to God)- something I love doing and I like to think I'm fairly good at.
You never know how God is going to use you or when/how He's going to call you. What may seem like coincidence never is, what appears to be just another event to go to or have may be a chance for you to shine God's glory. Keep your eyes peeled, your hearts ready, and your ears listening for your Heavenly Father's prompting. And when He tells you to jump, don't wade in, go for it, knowing that He's holding your hand and jumping in with you.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Bad dream (perhaps the worst I've ever had).
I still remember a dream from when I was pretty small about Cruella de Vil. She was chasing me with those maniacal eyes of hers. Scary, to say the least, especially when you're as young as I was (probably around 6 or 7 years old).
But last night's dream may have topped it.
I was sitting in a chair in a large cathedral, one that I could easily equate with the Catholic faith yet was not Catholic at all (you will see why). I was sitting at the end of a row of chairs next to someone I don't remember. Next to that person was an old woman, constantly smiling and moving her eyebrows up and down in the "I know something's going on" fashion. Next to her was Josh, the youth and young adult pastor at a church I attend. I remember I wanted to sit by Josh and kept looking over at him but kept meeting the eye of the old woman instead. Apparently she thought Josh and I would make a good pair. Eventually, in order to get her to stop believing something that was not true at all, I stopped trying to make eye contact with Josh who continued to look straight ahead (which is weird, since the preacher in this church was to my right in front of more people sitting in chairs facing him). I started becoming short of breath as I listened to the preacher, which happens when I enter Catholic churches in real life. He started talking about how we need to die a physical death before we can be reborn in the Spirit (which, may I add, is NOT Catholic or Christian belief at all). I could feel myself falling into his words, starting to believe it. I was entering into my physical death so I could be reborn in the Spirit. My eyes were getting heavy, my body was becoming like lead. Then I looked over at Josh- he was doing the same thing. Immediately I came out of my trance-like state, and panicking I started yelling at him, telling him this wasn't true and that he didn't have to die a physical death to have the Spirit while the old woman was creepily smiling at us in her seat next to Josh. I felt totally helpless and unable to move as his eyes closed and he fell deeper and deeper into this lie.
It was at this time I woke up, still short of breath and feeling completely choked (my throat felt like it had closed up). Even remembering this dream makes me feel afraid. Because of this I don't think that the dream was from God. Psalm 91:5 says "You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day." There are numerous times in the Bible where we are told not to fear. In this dream, I was afraid of Josh believing and falling into a lie, not knowing where his soul would go when he died this physical death. Then could it be more? Could it be the fear of satan who began the lie Josh was believing? In Luke 12:4-5 Jesus says, "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him."
I think this dream sums up my ultimate fear- knowing that my friends are believing what the devil is saying and not in the salvation that God has given us through His Son. No matter how much I try to tell them they're believing a lie, I still feel totally helpless as they continue to believe whatever it is they believe about God (or the lack of God). And it makes my heart hurt.
And I'm happy to know that in real life, Josh does not believe this and never will. I know for a fact that he is going to heaven post-death and fights the devil with every weapon available from God. Not sure why it was him in my dream... still working through that one.
But last night's dream may have topped it.
I was sitting in a chair in a large cathedral, one that I could easily equate with the Catholic faith yet was not Catholic at all (you will see why). I was sitting at the end of a row of chairs next to someone I don't remember. Next to that person was an old woman, constantly smiling and moving her eyebrows up and down in the "I know something's going on" fashion. Next to her was Josh, the youth and young adult pastor at a church I attend. I remember I wanted to sit by Josh and kept looking over at him but kept meeting the eye of the old woman instead. Apparently she thought Josh and I would make a good pair. Eventually, in order to get her to stop believing something that was not true at all, I stopped trying to make eye contact with Josh who continued to look straight ahead (which is weird, since the preacher in this church was to my right in front of more people sitting in chairs facing him). I started becoming short of breath as I listened to the preacher, which happens when I enter Catholic churches in real life. He started talking about how we need to die a physical death before we can be reborn in the Spirit (which, may I add, is NOT Catholic or Christian belief at all). I could feel myself falling into his words, starting to believe it. I was entering into my physical death so I could be reborn in the Spirit. My eyes were getting heavy, my body was becoming like lead. Then I looked over at Josh- he was doing the same thing. Immediately I came out of my trance-like state, and panicking I started yelling at him, telling him this wasn't true and that he didn't have to die a physical death to have the Spirit while the old woman was creepily smiling at us in her seat next to Josh. I felt totally helpless and unable to move as his eyes closed and he fell deeper and deeper into this lie.
It was at this time I woke up, still short of breath and feeling completely choked (my throat felt like it had closed up). Even remembering this dream makes me feel afraid. Because of this I don't think that the dream was from God. Psalm 91:5 says "You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day." There are numerous times in the Bible where we are told not to fear. In this dream, I was afraid of Josh believing and falling into a lie, not knowing where his soul would go when he died this physical death. Then could it be more? Could it be the fear of satan who began the lie Josh was believing? In Luke 12:4-5 Jesus says, "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him."
I think this dream sums up my ultimate fear- knowing that my friends are believing what the devil is saying and not in the salvation that God has given us through His Son. No matter how much I try to tell them they're believing a lie, I still feel totally helpless as they continue to believe whatever it is they believe about God (or the lack of God). And it makes my heart hurt.
And I'm happy to know that in real life, Josh does not believe this and never will. I know for a fact that he is going to heaven post-death and fights the devil with every weapon available from God. Not sure why it was him in my dream... still working through that one.
Getting into Paul's letters.
"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines."
-1 Corinthians 12:4-11
What kind of gifts has the Holy Spirit given you? Are you using them for the common good?
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines."
-1 Corinthians 12:4-11
What kind of gifts has the Holy Spirit given you? Are you using them for the common good?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sitting here listening to The Last Hope.
I really do like punk rock. There's something about the raw quality of it, the reality and the honesty in it that just gets me every time. Or perhaps it is a direct correlation with my somewhat rebellious side, you know, like that part of me in music form.
The first song on their newest cd is wonderfully titled "Manifesto." For those of you who don't know what a manifesto is, it's a public declaration of what you want to see happen, of your vision and your dreams. The manifesto that The Last Hope provides is strikingly similar to my own. The lyrics to "Manifesto" are as follows:
Brothers and sisters, daughters and sons, we are the future of what's to come. We all have hands, we all have feet, let's work them hard, marching to the beat. Mothers and fathers, servants and leaders, rich and poor, authors and readers, heed the call, take to the plow. The time is now, the time is now! Heed the call to destruction of selfishness and vain ambition. Heed the call to community; dreams of future given so freely.
There's so much I see wrong not only within American society but within the Church as well, specifically the American church. We think that because we have been blessed monetarily and have been given everything we need and more that we can just be apathetic to everything else. We throw some money at the Salvation Army or some other charity and continue to live our lives. Every once in a while we'll go on a mission trip, feel good about what we have done, and come back home forgetting about those people and putting physical distance between us and them. While giving money to Salvo and mission trips are good things, sometimes they are just patches trying to cover up a hole five million times bigger than the patch you just put on. Let's actually live in community with each other and do away with this selfishness and apathy our society has instilled in us! Let's be God's hands and feet, heeding His call and going out, making disciples of all nations (including those in our physical community).
The first song on their newest cd is wonderfully titled "Manifesto." For those of you who don't know what a manifesto is, it's a public declaration of what you want to see happen, of your vision and your dreams. The manifesto that The Last Hope provides is strikingly similar to my own. The lyrics to "Manifesto" are as follows:
Brothers and sisters, daughters and sons, we are the future of what's to come. We all have hands, we all have feet, let's work them hard, marching to the beat. Mothers and fathers, servants and leaders, rich and poor, authors and readers, heed the call, take to the plow. The time is now, the time is now! Heed the call to destruction of selfishness and vain ambition. Heed the call to community; dreams of future given so freely.
There's so much I see wrong not only within American society but within the Church as well, specifically the American church. We think that because we have been blessed monetarily and have been given everything we need and more that we can just be apathetic to everything else. We throw some money at the Salvation Army or some other charity and continue to live our lives. Every once in a while we'll go on a mission trip, feel good about what we have done, and come back home forgetting about those people and putting physical distance between us and them. While giving money to Salvo and mission trips are good things, sometimes they are just patches trying to cover up a hole five million times bigger than the patch you just put on. Let's actually live in community with each other and do away with this selfishness and apathy our society has instilled in us! Let's be God's hands and feet, heeding His call and going out, making disciples of all nations (including those in our physical community).
Monday, October 12, 2009
Trying, and trying hard.
Proverbs 31 is an awesome chapter of the Bible. I mean, it tells rulers not to drink but then tells us to give alcohol to the poor so they can forget their misery. Then it goes into "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy," (v. 8-9). And then comes the Proverbs 31 woman. I read this to my roommate the other night and it came up again on Sunday. I was talking with a woman that I really look up to in the Lord. She has kids and a husband and I really do see her as a Proverbs 31 kind-of a woman. But she said something really interesting. "We all can strive to be this Proverbs 31 woman, but we won't ever achieve it. She's not real, but we can try and make her real in our own lives." And it's so true. Even though someday I want to be this for my husband, I know I will make mistakes. I know I'll make a slip of the tongue and it won't come out as faithful instruction (v. 26). I know that sometimes I'll have lazy days (v. 27). But I also know that my husband will be quick to forgive and that my God has already paid the price to give me forgiveness.
That being said, I also feel the need to address my own singleness. I love being single. There's something about letting God totally fulfill me and sustain me on this path that is so beautiful. I've had opportunities to be in relationships and I have been in a relationship but each time my heart starts going down a path it shouldn't. God knows how to rend my heart back to Him and has done so many times. I am fully in love with my Father and guard my heart well because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Sure, there's still times I trip up, but I am always learning more. My God is Love, the Love of my life, the Lover of my heart. He knows me better than I know myself and loves me anyway. He is jealous for me and my love and it hurts Him when I put the opposite sex above Him. So why would I?
Sure, I may get married someday. But I'm not looking, not keeping my eyes peeled in case I miss "the one." If God wants me to be married, He'll put someone in my line of vision that is a man after His own heart and is so in love with Him that the only way we can meet each other is through our God. So yes, even though all of my sisters are soon to be married, I am joyful with who I am and where God has me, loving Him with my whole heart.
That being said, I also feel the need to address my own singleness. I love being single. There's something about letting God totally fulfill me and sustain me on this path that is so beautiful. I've had opportunities to be in relationships and I have been in a relationship but each time my heart starts going down a path it shouldn't. God knows how to rend my heart back to Him and has done so many times. I am fully in love with my Father and guard my heart well because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Sure, there's still times I trip up, but I am always learning more. My God is Love, the Love of my life, the Lover of my heart. He knows me better than I know myself and loves me anyway. He is jealous for me and my love and it hurts Him when I put the opposite sex above Him. So why would I?
Sure, I may get married someday. But I'm not looking, not keeping my eyes peeled in case I miss "the one." If God wants me to be married, He'll put someone in my line of vision that is a man after His own heart and is so in love with Him that the only way we can meet each other is through our God. So yes, even though all of my sisters are soon to be married, I am joyful with who I am and where God has me, loving Him with my whole heart.
Friday, October 9, 2009
What the last post brought to mind
Last night I had the privilege to talk to my pastor last night on the phone for a while. Well, he's kind-of my pastor, but for the sake of this blog post, we'll call him my pastor. Anyway, I had the privilege of talking with him on the phone last night. For the first time in a long time, I told someone about what God wants to do with my life. The last time I told someone, er, rather, alluded to it, I was completely shot down and told that I should not want to live that life. Instead of having that completely destroy what God has called me to do, it only added fuel to the passion burning inside of me. I am sent here to do His will, not to meet the expectations of this world or appease anyone. I live for Him and Him alone.
So I told my pastor about this. He was really actually excited about it and told me about a documentary about homeless people in Mpls/St. Paul that had been made by one of the students at Concordia Academy, a school he is tied to very strongly. When I am done watching the documentary I'll pass the link on to all ya'll (or all ya few) reading this.
Later on in our conversation, the topic of money and having a job while doing ministry came up. He sees his job in much the same way I do- it's a way God blesses your ministry. I know that God has given me this four year degree so that I can supply people with things that they need physically and to show them the love of Christ through this giving.
And there's another whole aspect of this that I'm so excited for. Not yet sure how it's going to work but I know it will be a way that God will work. This is a quote from "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. "A pastor who has been a longtime supporter and friend of the Simple Way (and father to one of the founders!) said, 'I used to think you all were missionaries bringing the gospel to your neighborhood, but now I see that it is in your neighborhood that you have learned the gospel, and that you are actually missionaries to the church.'"
Ah. I just want to love on people. Starting with you.
So I told my pastor about this. He was really actually excited about it and told me about a documentary about homeless people in Mpls/St. Paul that had been made by one of the students at Concordia Academy, a school he is tied to very strongly. When I am done watching the documentary I'll pass the link on to all ya'll (or all ya few) reading this.
Later on in our conversation, the topic of money and having a job while doing ministry came up. He sees his job in much the same way I do- it's a way God blesses your ministry. I know that God has given me this four year degree so that I can supply people with things that they need physically and to show them the love of Christ through this giving.
And there's another whole aspect of this that I'm so excited for. Not yet sure how it's going to work but I know it will be a way that God will work. This is a quote from "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. "A pastor who has been a longtime supporter and friend of the Simple Way (and father to one of the founders!) said, 'I used to think you all were missionaries bringing the gospel to your neighborhood, but now I see that it is in your neighborhood that you have learned the gospel, and that you are actually missionaries to the church.'"
Ah. I just want to love on people. Starting with you.
Always on my heart and in my mind.
Tonight we're doing an event called Cardboard Box City. Essentially, we all get together in a yard in a really safe town, sit around a fire, and make airtight boxes for ourselves out of pieces of cardboard and duct tape already provided for us. Snacks and beverages will be available, I am sure. And although we won't sleep well tonight in our sleeping bags and winter gear, tomorrow morning we can all go back to our houses and sleep in our wonderfully warm beds and make cocoa, applauding ourselves for the good work we just did.
I know the motives behind this event are pure- I myself was a coordinator of this event for two years and I truly do want to give people a glimpse of what it's like to be homeless as well as raise awareness for homelessness worldwide. While we did it in main street where we were a little more visible and even had cans thrown at us once, it still isn't ANYTHING compared to what homeless people go through. The homeless have few or none of these conveniences. They don't have a warm bed to look forward to or cocoa in the morning. They can't just duck inside a house in the middle of the night if they are getting too cold. They haven't been given the supplies or the area in which to make cardboard homes. They often do not get to sleep through the night due to violence or policing.
But what if they did have a home to go to when it was cold out? What if it was your home? What if you made cocoa for them in the morning, helped them find a job and taught them how to save money?
I know the motives behind this event are pure- I myself was a coordinator of this event for two years and I truly do want to give people a glimpse of what it's like to be homeless as well as raise awareness for homelessness worldwide. While we did it in main street where we were a little more visible and even had cans thrown at us once, it still isn't ANYTHING compared to what homeless people go through. The homeless have few or none of these conveniences. They don't have a warm bed to look forward to or cocoa in the morning. They can't just duck inside a house in the middle of the night if they are getting too cold. They haven't been given the supplies or the area in which to make cardboard homes. They often do not get to sleep through the night due to violence or policing.
But what if they did have a home to go to when it was cold out? What if it was your home? What if you made cocoa for them in the morning, helped them find a job and taught them how to save money?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Conversations
Today has been a day full of amazing conversations with people I have not chatted with in many moons. It was so great to catch up with a few people and see what is going on in their lives!
I think we all too often forget to look at the amazing people God has put into our lives. So often we focus on such a select group of friends or just one person (like a significant other). Yet there's this whole world filled with other people that are just waiting for us to love on them. This verse has been placed on my heart a lot today and I thought I would share it with you.
"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, 'Of all the commandments, which is the most important?'
'The most important one,' answered Jesus, 'is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.'
'Well said, teacher,' the man replied. 'You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.'
When Jesus say that he had answered wisely, he said to him, 'You are not far from the kingdom of God.' And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions."
-Mark 12:28-34
This man, a teacher of the law, was honestly supposed to be one of those who opposed Jesus. They tried to trip Him up all the time and many taught against Jesus being the Christ that they were waiting for. Yet this teacher of the law, a teacher who thus highly regarded burnt offerings and sacrifices and taught his students to follow the law point by point admitted that these two commandments were more important than the tradition he was teaching. This teacher of the law was in love with God's heart, not with God's arm and the good things He gave man to do in the law.
It also raises another point: God's love knows no bounds. This teacher of the law could have reacted like he should have: completely appalled that Jesus didn't even mention anything about the laws and commandments that they had set up so rigidly. Yet the fact that God was talking about love and loving God and others above everything else was their meeting point. Even when He met resistance from the church in many other places, this love that He was speaking about could not be argued and rejected.
It's interesting because we see this again in John 3, where our beloved "Gospel in a Nutshell" verse comes from (yes, I am talking about John 3:16!). "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall never perish but have eternal life." Believe it or not, this was said to a man named Nicodemus, who the Bible says "was a man of the Pharisees" and that he was "a member of the Jewish ruling council," (John 3:1). Just another time that God's love breaks down barriers even with people whose hearts are the hardest.
Jesus loved even those who opposed Him. Jesus loved those who tried to trip Him up with asking him all the tough questions. Jesus loved those who did not love him back. Jesus loved those who taught about God but not about Him. Jesus loved those who knew the scriptures and rejected Him anyway. Jesus loved those who were hardest to love.
And we're supposed to have the same attitude of Christ (Philippians 2:5)- isn't loving those who are hardest to love part of it?
Love hard those hard to love.
I think we all too often forget to look at the amazing people God has put into our lives. So often we focus on such a select group of friends or just one person (like a significant other). Yet there's this whole world filled with other people that are just waiting for us to love on them. This verse has been placed on my heart a lot today and I thought I would share it with you.
"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, 'Of all the commandments, which is the most important?'
'The most important one,' answered Jesus, 'is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.'
'Well said, teacher,' the man replied. 'You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.'
When Jesus say that he had answered wisely, he said to him, 'You are not far from the kingdom of God.' And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions."
-Mark 12:28-34
This man, a teacher of the law, was honestly supposed to be one of those who opposed Jesus. They tried to trip Him up all the time and many taught against Jesus being the Christ that they were waiting for. Yet this teacher of the law, a teacher who thus highly regarded burnt offerings and sacrifices and taught his students to follow the law point by point admitted that these two commandments were more important than the tradition he was teaching. This teacher of the law was in love with God's heart, not with God's arm and the good things He gave man to do in the law.
It also raises another point: God's love knows no bounds. This teacher of the law could have reacted like he should have: completely appalled that Jesus didn't even mention anything about the laws and commandments that they had set up so rigidly. Yet the fact that God was talking about love and loving God and others above everything else was their meeting point. Even when He met resistance from the church in many other places, this love that He was speaking about could not be argued and rejected.
It's interesting because we see this again in John 3, where our beloved "Gospel in a Nutshell" verse comes from (yes, I am talking about John 3:16!). "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall never perish but have eternal life." Believe it or not, this was said to a man named Nicodemus, who the Bible says "was a man of the Pharisees" and that he was "a member of the Jewish ruling council," (John 3:1). Just another time that God's love breaks down barriers even with people whose hearts are the hardest.
Jesus loved even those who opposed Him. Jesus loved those who tried to trip Him up with asking him all the tough questions. Jesus loved those who did not love him back. Jesus loved those who taught about God but not about Him. Jesus loved those who knew the scriptures and rejected Him anyway. Jesus loved those who were hardest to love.
And we're supposed to have the same attitude of Christ (Philippians 2:5)- isn't loving those who are hardest to love part of it?
Love hard those hard to love.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
So I took down a post
If you were lucky enough to read it, good for you. I didn't mean a word of it.
Well, I did, but no one REALLY needs to know that.
Anyway, I am a selfish and sinful human. I need to be turning to God for patience and wisdom, leaning on Him for my happiness, not on man. And in Him I have a hope that does not disappoint and it's beautiful. He sustains me and stretches out His hand at the proper time. I will not fear the future because He is my future, He has been my past and is my present. I love Him for all that He is.
And nothing else really matters.
Well, I did, but no one REALLY needs to know that.
Anyway, I am a selfish and sinful human. I need to be turning to God for patience and wisdom, leaning on Him for my happiness, not on man. And in Him I have a hope that does not disappoint and it's beautiful. He sustains me and stretches out His hand at the proper time. I will not fear the future because He is my future, He has been my past and is my present. I love Him for all that He is.
And nothing else really matters.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Correction: So much to say
and very little time to say it.
"Christianity can be built around isolating ourselves from evildoers and sinners, creating a community of religious piety and moral purity. That's the Christianity I grew up with. Christianity can also be built around joining with the broken sinners and evildoers of our world crying out to God, groaning for grace. That's the Christianity I have fallen in love with." -Shane Claiborne, "The Irresistible Revolution"
"When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not-should not he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute." -Basil the Great
"'The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.'" -John in Luke 3:11
"Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all." -Proverbs 22:2
"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." -Proverbs 21:13
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." -Romans 12:14-16
"'Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'" -Jesus in Luke 12:32-34
"'Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? ... If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will becomes like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.'" -the mouth of the Lord in Isaiah 58:6-7, 9-11
"'You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'" -Jesus in Luke 18:22
"'Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.'" -Jesus in John 6:27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself by being polluted by the world." -James 1:27
"'He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.'" -Jesus in John 8:47
"Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." -James 1:22
Dear friends, I don't know how much more clear and blunt I can be in this matter. We live in a society that is so full of STUFF. We go to college to get a degree to get a good job to make more money to buy more stuff. We have made Christmas into a holiday about getting stuff. Our day is based on three meals in which we feed ourselves stuff. The thing is, God has given us these gifts but it doesn't mean we are using them the way He wants us to.
There are so many people in this world who need the help of Americans. I believe it's something like this: America, which is 6% of the global population, uses 43% of its resources (including food). What does that leave the other 94% of the population? And how much does that leave the poor?
Perhaps you see this as a mere justification of how I choose to live, of the area I am seeking to live in. Yet I don't see it as a justification- I see it as the cause. God has called me to a lifestyle completely devoted to Him, devoted to prayer, loving His people. He has called me to step out of my comfort zone, take care of the earth He gave us, and live amongst those who need their physical needs met. I encourage you to read James 2. I will let the Holy Spirit reveal to you what He is saying in that chapter.
Pray about what you can do to help the poor. Pray about the assets God has given you and where He wants you to allocate those. And when He shows you, don't ignore His prompting- do what He says.
"Christianity can be built around isolating ourselves from evildoers and sinners, creating a community of religious piety and moral purity. That's the Christianity I grew up with. Christianity can also be built around joining with the broken sinners and evildoers of our world crying out to God, groaning for grace. That's the Christianity I have fallen in love with." -Shane Claiborne, "The Irresistible Revolution"
"When someone strips a man of his clothes, we call him a thief. And one who might clothe the naked and does not-should not he be given the same name? The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat in your wardrobe belongs to the naked; the shoes you let rot belong to the barefoot; the money in your vaults belongs to the destitute." -Basil the Great
"'The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.'" -John in Luke 3:11
"Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all." -Proverbs 22:2
"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." -Proverbs 21:13
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." -Romans 12:14-16
"'Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'" -Jesus in Luke 12:32-34
"'Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? ... If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will becomes like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.'" -the mouth of the Lord in Isaiah 58:6-7, 9-11
"'You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'" -Jesus in Luke 18:22
"'Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.'" -Jesus in John 6:27
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself by being polluted by the world." -James 1:27
"'He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.'" -Jesus in John 8:47
"Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." -James 1:22
Dear friends, I don't know how much more clear and blunt I can be in this matter. We live in a society that is so full of STUFF. We go to college to get a degree to get a good job to make more money to buy more stuff. We have made Christmas into a holiday about getting stuff. Our day is based on three meals in which we feed ourselves stuff. The thing is, God has given us these gifts but it doesn't mean we are using them the way He wants us to.
There are so many people in this world who need the help of Americans. I believe it's something like this: America, which is 6% of the global population, uses 43% of its resources (including food). What does that leave the other 94% of the population? And how much does that leave the poor?
Perhaps you see this as a mere justification of how I choose to live, of the area I am seeking to live in. Yet I don't see it as a justification- I see it as the cause. God has called me to a lifestyle completely devoted to Him, devoted to prayer, loving His people. He has called me to step out of my comfort zone, take care of the earth He gave us, and live amongst those who need their physical needs met. I encourage you to read James 2. I will let the Holy Spirit reveal to you what He is saying in that chapter.
Pray about what you can do to help the poor. Pray about the assets God has given you and where He wants you to allocate those. And when He shows you, don't ignore His prompting- do what He says.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Nothing to say
and all the time in the world to say it in.
So much has been happening in my life lately that I don't even know where to start. I'm learning not to worry, not to fear, and to live in light of the Spirit God has given me. It's hard and the last two days have been exceptionally difficult but God is amazing and does not let me down. Ever.
I often wonder how people get along everyday. Like, what motivates them. For me, it's my faith. For others, it appears to be the promise of money. For yet other people, it's love. This is an idea marinating in my mind currently. After watching "The Hours" with my class I may come back and write a post about it.
Love has also been on my mind a stinkin' lot. I will be writing a post about that, it's a guarantee.
Big gulps, eh? Well, see ya later.
So much has been happening in my life lately that I don't even know where to start. I'm learning not to worry, not to fear, and to live in light of the Spirit God has given me. It's hard and the last two days have been exceptionally difficult but God is amazing and does not let me down. Ever.
I often wonder how people get along everyday. Like, what motivates them. For me, it's my faith. For others, it appears to be the promise of money. For yet other people, it's love. This is an idea marinating in my mind currently. After watching "The Hours" with my class I may come back and write a post about it.
Love has also been on my mind a stinkin' lot. I will be writing a post about that, it's a guarantee.
Big gulps, eh? Well, see ya later.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
These things are KILLER.
I hate doing résumés. Mine is taking forever. How much stuff do I put on? How many of these volunteer opportunities do I list? Should I use more adjectives? Do I really need to sell myself? I mean, can't we just talk it out? You'll like me better if you meet me, dear future employer.
Objective: To make a difference, even at my job.
I officially love my sister for sending me an amazing website with non-profit job opportunities in the Twin Cities. I'm applying for a lot of them and am very excited to do so. So many of them sound just perfect for me that I only hope that I will be hired.
Goodbye American dream, hello outreach and living life to the fullest.
I can't wait to be done with school!
I was talking to my friend James on the phone the other night- I can't believe how much I miss him. If I were to tell him that, he would laugh in my face and say, in his stinkin' rebellious way, "Well, I wish I could say that I miss you too, but I don't." He's such a turd nugget. No other words for him. But there is something about this dear brother (best big brother in the world!) that makes me want to maintain a friendship with him. For as often as I am ticked at him because he speaks his mind, he speaks his mind in love. Sure, it may not always come off as the most gentle but that's not how he works. And for someone like me, I need to hear truth spoken over me in this way or else I will not listen. And yes, from time to time after I'm done being angry at him I do tell him that he is right. Admitting someone else is right and you were wrong is hard to do; admitting James is right and you were wrong is even HARDER to do.
Truth is, I miss all of those friends from that area. It's Amanda's birthday today and I really wish I could just be with her. Instead I'll be making her birthday present to give her this weekend. I love that little group of friends so much it may be considered slightly insane but it's true nonetheless.
Off to do homework, work on Manda's present, bug James, take photos, eat potatoes, read, and write. Should be a good day!
Objective: To make a difference, even at my job.
I officially love my sister for sending me an amazing website with non-profit job opportunities in the Twin Cities. I'm applying for a lot of them and am very excited to do so. So many of them sound just perfect for me that I only hope that I will be hired.
Goodbye American dream, hello outreach and living life to the fullest.
I can't wait to be done with school!
I was talking to my friend James on the phone the other night- I can't believe how much I miss him. If I were to tell him that, he would laugh in my face and say, in his stinkin' rebellious way, "Well, I wish I could say that I miss you too, but I don't." He's such a turd nugget. No other words for him. But there is something about this dear brother (best big brother in the world!) that makes me want to maintain a friendship with him. For as often as I am ticked at him because he speaks his mind, he speaks his mind in love. Sure, it may not always come off as the most gentle but that's not how he works. And for someone like me, I need to hear truth spoken over me in this way or else I will not listen. And yes, from time to time after I'm done being angry at him I do tell him that he is right. Admitting someone else is right and you were wrong is hard to do; admitting James is right and you were wrong is even HARDER to do.
Truth is, I miss all of those friends from that area. It's Amanda's birthday today and I really wish I could just be with her. Instead I'll be making her birthday present to give her this weekend. I love that little group of friends so much it may be considered slightly insane but it's true nonetheless.
Off to do homework, work on Manda's present, bug James, take photos, eat potatoes, read, and write. Should be a good day!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
My Weekend (er, the weekend of Sept. 4-7).
Even on the gloomy days, I am alive. I feel the blood coursing through my veins, my fingers working diligently to get everything running through my brain onto paper. But this will not be a typical post from Jenessa, nay, this will be about my weekend.
I went to a small private Lutheran elementary school for my elementary and junior high years of my education. Here I had the same instructor for the fourth, fifth, and sixth grades. He made us journal on a regular basis about various subjects. His favorite topic was "My Weekend" in which we would divulge those experiences that procured over the weekend. Sometimes I was a snot, telling about the hours I sat at home, doing nothing (complete falsehood- I was always making up stories with my Barbies that I played with on a daily basis until the eighth grade); others journal entries in my blue notebook were filled with action packed stories about weekend camping expeditions with my family. Where the notebooks from these three years ever ran off too I'm not exactly sure. I'm hoping that my mother saved them in the large rubbermaid containers in which she stores our childhood works of art, but I can only hope that this is the case.
Thus this is the subject of my post and a fitting one at that.
Last weekend was the best I had in a long time. The only thing that may have been able to top it would be my weekend at Cornerstone Festival in Bushnell, IL this past July.
Thursday morning started with a very confused Jenessa. I wanted to go to Generation Revival (3 hours away), I wanted to go to the bonfire IVCF was putting on (3 minutes away) but I also really wanted to go to Lifelight Music Festival (3.5 hours away). I vowed not to go to Lifelight unless one of my friends was attending as well. As no one from UMM had any interest in going, I buckled down for a weekend in Mo-town. Thursday morning I receive a text from my friend Melody, a resident of North Sioux City, South Dakota. Off of a hunch, I asked her what she was up to this weekend and to my delight she had decided to go to Lifelight with a few members of her family (who, may I add, are AMAZING!). I had not seen Melody since, oh, last December and really wanted to spend time with such a dear sister in Christ. Not to mention that The Wedding was performing that night, but that's a different discussion for a different day. Needless to say, the three point five hours driving down were filled with keeping myself from boredom while driving. To do this I simply pretended that I was Matt Shelton (lead singer of The Wedding). You can imagine the hilarity that ensued and the innumerable amount of times I was able to laugh at myself.
I did get to see The Wedding at Lifelight. Here's one of the guitarists, Trevor. I also have one of him licking his guitar. GROSS.
Finally I reached Lifelight around 6 p.m. on Friday night. The rest of that night was filled with tons of hugs and great discussion on the ride back to North Sioux for some sleep. Melody is definitely a woman after God's own heart. God has given her a passion for the hurting and broken; He is also definitely stirring up within her a ministry to the poor. It's so beautiful to see someone who realizes what can be done in her own community... ah, just so good.
My favorite part of Lifelight had to be Saturday morning at Melody's house- it was... magical? I don't know how to describe it. Her family is incredible and talking with her mom for a while was the best thing to have happened in a while. We chatted about everything- my family, faith, her family, Catholicism- it was great. Her mom was so open to everything and intensely loving that I couldn't help but talk to her. Plus playing with Melody's two nieces was more than a treat as I don't get to see kids much up here at school. I honestly felt at home within the walls of her house and hope that I can go back soon to see everyone.
Melody and I right before Thousand Foot Krutch. We're so rad.
Saturday came and went, saw some shows and was able to talk to Silent Substitute about their recent trip to China. The Lord used them so much while they were over there- it was incredible. Definitely a growing experience for all of them and a way to show kids the light of Christ in a nation where that is illegal. Please pray for the people in China affected by this (everyone) and pray that God's light will be shown amidst the darkness. Pray for strength, guidance, wisdom, and protection for those spreading the message of Jesus.
Thus, Saturday was finished with a long drive back to Morris far too early in the morning. Silent Substitute plus frappucino was my equation to keep me awake and it worked for the last 45 minutes of my trip. A shout out to James and Micah (who fell asleep on the other side of the phone while trying to keep me awake, but I won't hold it against him) for keeping me awake for a while on the drive back. Thanks guys, you are the best.
9:00 a.m. the next morning came way too early. But I got up, showered, and headed to the Minnesota State Fair with my two roommates. We sat a lot, saw a lot of stuff, ate some (but I had a stomach ache all day- dumb thing to have at the fair!) and hoarded the free goods we came across (including a tree- my favorite give-away!). Thus my Sunday was spent, with good friends at Minnesota's largest get-together.
Yup, that's me and the roomies!
Alleluia for a Monday off. A day to recuperate from my travels all over the midwest.
Just kidding.
When do I ever rest or give myself a day off? I'm always doing something, which is how it should be. Pretty sure laziness is a devil-inspired attribute. I think there's a verse in Proverbs that starts "Go to the ants, you sluggard..." and continues to talk about how hard they work. Thus I strive to model myself after ants, minus living in the dirt and having three segments make up my body.
So Monday comes, I wake up after sleeping for 12 hours (yes, you read that right, 12 hours!) and call my friend Dave back. He asks if I want to head out to Glacial Lakes State Park and go hiking for the day. Of course I say yes, pack my bag, and head out. The rest of the day was filled with tons of laughs, four pictures being taken (I actually did get him to whip out his camera!), some violence (tree branches snapped in my face, pushing each other off the trail or attempts to push him off the dock) and dinner at a small café in Benson. The perfect way to spend an absolutely glorious day. And I now have a new friend that Dave gave me, his name is What the Duck and he's adorable. See? He's going to be my friend and come along on many photo excursions.
Back to Morris, back to school, back to homework. Upcoming weekends boast of many fun times to come but we'll see if it can outdo last weekend. Unlikely dear friends, unlikely.
I went to a small private Lutheran elementary school for my elementary and junior high years of my education. Here I had the same instructor for the fourth, fifth, and sixth grades. He made us journal on a regular basis about various subjects. His favorite topic was "My Weekend" in which we would divulge those experiences that procured over the weekend. Sometimes I was a snot, telling about the hours I sat at home, doing nothing (complete falsehood- I was always making up stories with my Barbies that I played with on a daily basis until the eighth grade); others journal entries in my blue notebook were filled with action packed stories about weekend camping expeditions with my family. Where the notebooks from these three years ever ran off too I'm not exactly sure. I'm hoping that my mother saved them in the large rubbermaid containers in which she stores our childhood works of art, but I can only hope that this is the case.
Thus this is the subject of my post and a fitting one at that.
Last weekend was the best I had in a long time. The only thing that may have been able to top it would be my weekend at Cornerstone Festival in Bushnell, IL this past July.
Thursday morning started with a very confused Jenessa. I wanted to go to Generation Revival (3 hours away), I wanted to go to the bonfire IVCF was putting on (3 minutes away) but I also really wanted to go to Lifelight Music Festival (3.5 hours away). I vowed not to go to Lifelight unless one of my friends was attending as well. As no one from UMM had any interest in going, I buckled down for a weekend in Mo-town. Thursday morning I receive a text from my friend Melody, a resident of North Sioux City, South Dakota. Off of a hunch, I asked her what she was up to this weekend and to my delight she had decided to go to Lifelight with a few members of her family (who, may I add, are AMAZING!). I had not seen Melody since, oh, last December and really wanted to spend time with such a dear sister in Christ. Not to mention that The Wedding was performing that night, but that's a different discussion for a different day. Needless to say, the three point five hours driving down were filled with keeping myself from boredom while driving. To do this I simply pretended that I was Matt Shelton (lead singer of The Wedding). You can imagine the hilarity that ensued and the innumerable amount of times I was able to laugh at myself.
I did get to see The Wedding at Lifelight. Here's one of the guitarists, Trevor. I also have one of him licking his guitar. GROSS.
Finally I reached Lifelight around 6 p.m. on Friday night. The rest of that night was filled with tons of hugs and great discussion on the ride back to North Sioux for some sleep. Melody is definitely a woman after God's own heart. God has given her a passion for the hurting and broken; He is also definitely stirring up within her a ministry to the poor. It's so beautiful to see someone who realizes what can be done in her own community... ah, just so good.
My favorite part of Lifelight had to be Saturday morning at Melody's house- it was... magical? I don't know how to describe it. Her family is incredible and talking with her mom for a while was the best thing to have happened in a while. We chatted about everything- my family, faith, her family, Catholicism- it was great. Her mom was so open to everything and intensely loving that I couldn't help but talk to her. Plus playing with Melody's two nieces was more than a treat as I don't get to see kids much up here at school. I honestly felt at home within the walls of her house and hope that I can go back soon to see everyone.
Melody and I right before Thousand Foot Krutch. We're so rad.
Saturday came and went, saw some shows and was able to talk to Silent Substitute about their recent trip to China. The Lord used them so much while they were over there- it was incredible. Definitely a growing experience for all of them and a way to show kids the light of Christ in a nation where that is illegal. Please pray for the people in China affected by this (everyone) and pray that God's light will be shown amidst the darkness. Pray for strength, guidance, wisdom, and protection for those spreading the message of Jesus.
Thus, Saturday was finished with a long drive back to Morris far too early in the morning. Silent Substitute plus frappucino was my equation to keep me awake and it worked for the last 45 minutes of my trip. A shout out to James and Micah (who fell asleep on the other side of the phone while trying to keep me awake, but I won't hold it against him) for keeping me awake for a while on the drive back. Thanks guys, you are the best.
9:00 a.m. the next morning came way too early. But I got up, showered, and headed to the Minnesota State Fair with my two roommates. We sat a lot, saw a lot of stuff, ate some (but I had a stomach ache all day- dumb thing to have at the fair!) and hoarded the free goods we came across (including a tree- my favorite give-away!). Thus my Sunday was spent, with good friends at Minnesota's largest get-together.
Yup, that's me and the roomies!
Alleluia for a Monday off. A day to recuperate from my travels all over the midwest.
Just kidding.
When do I ever rest or give myself a day off? I'm always doing something, which is how it should be. Pretty sure laziness is a devil-inspired attribute. I think there's a verse in Proverbs that starts "Go to the ants, you sluggard..." and continues to talk about how hard they work. Thus I strive to model myself after ants, minus living in the dirt and having three segments make up my body.
So Monday comes, I wake up after sleeping for 12 hours (yes, you read that right, 12 hours!) and call my friend Dave back. He asks if I want to head out to Glacial Lakes State Park and go hiking for the day. Of course I say yes, pack my bag, and head out. The rest of the day was filled with tons of laughs, four pictures being taken (I actually did get him to whip out his camera!), some violence (tree branches snapped in my face, pushing each other off the trail or attempts to push him off the dock) and dinner at a small café in Benson. The perfect way to spend an absolutely glorious day. And I now have a new friend that Dave gave me, his name is What the Duck and he's adorable. See? He's going to be my friend and come along on many photo excursions.
Back to Morris, back to school, back to homework. Upcoming weekends boast of many fun times to come but we'll see if it can outdo last weekend. Unlikely dear friends, unlikely.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Worship, revisited.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God– this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is– his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:1-2
My Bible is all full of footnotes, which is awesome. The note for the phrase "spiritual act" says, "not merely ritual activity but the involvement of heart, mind and will." I'm completely blown by this. For a large majority of my life, ritual activity has run rampant. My life has been filled with it. In grade school and high school (even when my parents didn't go to church), I found myself sitting in the pew, going through the motions, playing bass for worship, or running the soundboard. I helped with everything I could at church because the Bible told me to. It was just what I did. I found little joy in it, except when someone noticed and told me "good job." But this was not how life was supposed to be. Jesus says in John 5:41-44, "'I do not accept praise from men, but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. I have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?'"
So what does it mean to offer ourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God? How can we do this spiritual act, an act that is not merely a ritual activity but the involvement of heart, mind, and will? How can we worship God in this way?
I was at a point in my life unlike any other I had been at before. I know that "the eyes of the Lord wander the earth looking for those whose hearts are fully committed to Him" (2 Chronicles 16:9) and He calls us to worship in spirit and in truth (John 4:24). I know this, but what does it look like? How can I do this? I know it means more than playing bass on Sundays, going to church, helping everywhere I can to get praise from people. I know that does not fill me with the Spirit of God and whatever passion I had for it would soon die out. But worshipping in spirit and in truth, giving your body as a living sacrifice, having a transformed mind, knowing God's will for me, that would be amazing. I would have a passion that I have never felt before- a passion for the One that loves me more than anything or anyone ever could. I knew that I wanted this, I wanted to worship, I wanted more than just the rituals and the routine.
It was at this point that God brought me to Generation Revival and I saw worship and a people hungry for God like I have never seen before. It made me uncomfortable. It made me want to run out of the church, yelling that no true Christians would ever have a part in something like that. People were singing their own songs, songs coming from their hearts instead of words on a projector screen. People were crying out to God, admitting their faults, calling down God's glory. Others were dancing. Some were speaking in tongues. Others were prostrate on the ground. It honestly was pretty intimidating for a girl who grew up strictly Lutheran. We hardly raise our hands in church and only call God's glory down through the words of contemporary Christian music. Yet I stayed in the church, I listened to what was said, I prayed in ways that I never had before. The Spirit moved and told me "Come, I want to have an intimate relationship with you."
So back to worship. What is it? How can we be true worshippers?
1. Prayer. Talking with (not just TO) our Heavenly Father. He longs to hear from us, to pour His love into our hearts, to heal us (Matthew 11:28-30). He can reveal so much through prayer- we can so touch His heart and learn so much from being in communication with Him through prayer! But don't expect His voice to always come in thunder, but maybe it will come as a whisper (1 Kings 19:11-12). Be so close to Him through prayer that you will never miss that whisper.
2. Getting into His Word, seeking to know His heart. Learn all you can about Him. Be a person, like David, who was after God's own heart. If we do not know Him, He will cast us from His side (Matthew 7:21-23).
3. Surrender, give Him control. Of EVERYTHING in your life. Daily die to sin that you may live with Him (1 Peter 2:24!
4. Sing. Cry out to God. Pray. Allow Him to move and His spirit to fill you totally and completely as you worship in His presence and glory. "Where two or more people are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them," (Matthew 18:20).
Just looking at these four seems overwhelming, but with God at the center of our lives, our heart, mind, and will are all employed to worship Him with our everything.
May God bless you as you seek His heart and worship Him in spirit and in truth!
My Bible is all full of footnotes, which is awesome. The note for the phrase "spiritual act" says, "not merely ritual activity but the involvement of heart, mind and will." I'm completely blown by this. For a large majority of my life, ritual activity has run rampant. My life has been filled with it. In grade school and high school (even when my parents didn't go to church), I found myself sitting in the pew, going through the motions, playing bass for worship, or running the soundboard. I helped with everything I could at church because the Bible told me to. It was just what I did. I found little joy in it, except when someone noticed and told me "good job." But this was not how life was supposed to be. Jesus says in John 5:41-44, "'I do not accept praise from men, but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. I have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?'"
So what does it mean to offer ourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God? How can we do this spiritual act, an act that is not merely a ritual activity but the involvement of heart, mind, and will? How can we worship God in this way?
I was at a point in my life unlike any other I had been at before. I know that "the eyes of the Lord wander the earth looking for those whose hearts are fully committed to Him" (2 Chronicles 16:9) and He calls us to worship in spirit and in truth (John 4:24). I know this, but what does it look like? How can I do this? I know it means more than playing bass on Sundays, going to church, helping everywhere I can to get praise from people. I know that does not fill me with the Spirit of God and whatever passion I had for it would soon die out. But worshipping in spirit and in truth, giving your body as a living sacrifice, having a transformed mind, knowing God's will for me, that would be amazing. I would have a passion that I have never felt before- a passion for the One that loves me more than anything or anyone ever could. I knew that I wanted this, I wanted to worship, I wanted more than just the rituals and the routine.
It was at this point that God brought me to Generation Revival and I saw worship and a people hungry for God like I have never seen before. It made me uncomfortable. It made me want to run out of the church, yelling that no true Christians would ever have a part in something like that. People were singing their own songs, songs coming from their hearts instead of words on a projector screen. People were crying out to God, admitting their faults, calling down God's glory. Others were dancing. Some were speaking in tongues. Others were prostrate on the ground. It honestly was pretty intimidating for a girl who grew up strictly Lutheran. We hardly raise our hands in church and only call God's glory down through the words of contemporary Christian music. Yet I stayed in the church, I listened to what was said, I prayed in ways that I never had before. The Spirit moved and told me "Come, I want to have an intimate relationship with you."
So back to worship. What is it? How can we be true worshippers?
1. Prayer. Talking with (not just TO) our Heavenly Father. He longs to hear from us, to pour His love into our hearts, to heal us (Matthew 11:28-30). He can reveal so much through prayer- we can so touch His heart and learn so much from being in communication with Him through prayer! But don't expect His voice to always come in thunder, but maybe it will come as a whisper (1 Kings 19:11-12). Be so close to Him through prayer that you will never miss that whisper.
2. Getting into His Word, seeking to know His heart. Learn all you can about Him. Be a person, like David, who was after God's own heart. If we do not know Him, He will cast us from His side (Matthew 7:21-23).
3. Surrender, give Him control. Of EVERYTHING in your life. Daily die to sin that you may live with Him (1 Peter 2:24!
4. Sing. Cry out to God. Pray. Allow Him to move and His spirit to fill you totally and completely as you worship in His presence and glory. "Where two or more people are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them," (Matthew 18:20).
Just looking at these four seems overwhelming, but with God at the center of our lives, our heart, mind, and will are all employed to worship Him with our everything.
May God bless you as you seek His heart and worship Him in spirit and in truth!
Monday, August 31, 2009
God's prompting.
In my life, there has been an extreme number of times where God hits me with... something. It could be something as little as, "Hey, go talk to this person," or something as big as, "Hey, go to this school." While they both might be big things in God's eyes, sometimes I don't listen to the little things and just go for the big ones instead.
Months ago, God placed it on my heart to read "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. I didn't listen and instead did, well, whatever it was I did.
A few weeks ago I met Stacy. It was one of those days when I was sitting at an amazing Christian conference and God told me to go sit by her. I've learned that when He says stuff like this, I better do it (happened with my friend Amanda as well, but that's another story for another day). So, I went and sat by her and ended up spending the rest of the weekend at the conference with her. She is the type of woman that totally radiates God. You can tell her heart is so enraptured with Him and it's completely beautiful. She will go wherever the Spirit leads her to do His work and His only. She's just incredible- there's no other way to put it.
The last day of the conference, Stacy brings me two books to read, one of them being (you guessed it), Shane Claiborne's "Irresistible Revolution". Wow. I looked at her and I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped as I tried to spit out some form of a sentence to tell her that I was supposed to have this book. I was supposed to read it. Another one of those little things that I neglected to do for years, but this time God wasn't going to let me get away with it.
I'm not even all the way done with the book yet, but I now know what God wants me to be doing. And now that I know, I feel such peace and joy about it. I am a little nervous, but the more I let God take control and the more I trust Him (now if I could just let it all go and trust Him fully), the more He astounds me.
I know you're curious about what it is and if you've read "Irresistible Revolution" you probably already know. I am going to start a hospitality house in Minneapolis. Essentially, me and whoever God puts in my life to live there with me will have normal jobs to pay for the house (and our own bills of course) as well as the added expenses of serving the community. This includes things like community dinners, fun stuff for the kids in the community to do, the garden, Bible studies and materials and whatever else comes up. The point of living like this it to focus on God, fall deeper in love with Him, love the socks off of the community He puts us in and spread the fire He has placed in our hearts. I know my life and the lives of my housemates will be radically changed as we fall deeper and deeper in love with Him and as we allow Him to bless us as we trust Him for everything we have.
I am so excited about this opportunity and the doors God is already opening up. Right now, I am praying over a certain piece of property on Penn Ave N. in Minneapolis and looking for other homes to rent or even possibly buy (if that is what God wants, I'm open!). I'm also praying that God sends the right people to this community home to live and do His work in Minneapolis.
I will hopefully be posting on a daily basis now on this blog. Getting rid of my facebook has freed up a lot of time (and I just got rid of it this afternoon! Crazy!). I will be posting Bible verses, many pertaining to this hospitality/community house (I feel like it needs a name!), many pertaining to whatever God is teaching me and what He wants you to hear. Don't worry, for all you people who don't want to hear about that crazy God stuff, I promise you'll be able to pick stuff that you want to read out of these posts.
I love you all, but God loves you more than I ever could. May His Spirit dwell in our lives richly as we love on our communities!
Months ago, God placed it on my heart to read "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. I didn't listen and instead did, well, whatever it was I did.
A few weeks ago I met Stacy. It was one of those days when I was sitting at an amazing Christian conference and God told me to go sit by her. I've learned that when He says stuff like this, I better do it (happened with my friend Amanda as well, but that's another story for another day). So, I went and sat by her and ended up spending the rest of the weekend at the conference with her. She is the type of woman that totally radiates God. You can tell her heart is so enraptured with Him and it's completely beautiful. She will go wherever the Spirit leads her to do His work and His only. She's just incredible- there's no other way to put it.
The last day of the conference, Stacy brings me two books to read, one of them being (you guessed it), Shane Claiborne's "Irresistible Revolution". Wow. I looked at her and I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped as I tried to spit out some form of a sentence to tell her that I was supposed to have this book. I was supposed to read it. Another one of those little things that I neglected to do for years, but this time God wasn't going to let me get away with it.
I'm not even all the way done with the book yet, but I now know what God wants me to be doing. And now that I know, I feel such peace and joy about it. I am a little nervous, but the more I let God take control and the more I trust Him (now if I could just let it all go and trust Him fully), the more He astounds me.
I know you're curious about what it is and if you've read "Irresistible Revolution" you probably already know. I am going to start a hospitality house in Minneapolis. Essentially, me and whoever God puts in my life to live there with me will have normal jobs to pay for the house (and our own bills of course) as well as the added expenses of serving the community. This includes things like community dinners, fun stuff for the kids in the community to do, the garden, Bible studies and materials and whatever else comes up. The point of living like this it to focus on God, fall deeper in love with Him, love the socks off of the community He puts us in and spread the fire He has placed in our hearts. I know my life and the lives of my housemates will be radically changed as we fall deeper and deeper in love with Him and as we allow Him to bless us as we trust Him for everything we have.
I am so excited about this opportunity and the doors God is already opening up. Right now, I am praying over a certain piece of property on Penn Ave N. in Minneapolis and looking for other homes to rent or even possibly buy (if that is what God wants, I'm open!). I'm also praying that God sends the right people to this community home to live and do His work in Minneapolis.
I will hopefully be posting on a daily basis now on this blog. Getting rid of my facebook has freed up a lot of time (and I just got rid of it this afternoon! Crazy!). I will be posting Bible verses, many pertaining to this hospitality/community house (I feel like it needs a name!), many pertaining to whatever God is teaching me and what He wants you to hear. Don't worry, for all you people who don't want to hear about that crazy God stuff, I promise you'll be able to pick stuff that you want to read out of these posts.
I love you all, but God loves you more than I ever could. May His Spirit dwell in our lives richly as we love on our communities!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
"The future is a big place."
Thank you High School Musical for that quote.
But for real, my future is so wide open. I have no clue what I'm doing after December and I'm a tad nervous about it. I always knew that graduation would come but it really snuck up on me. I love college and do not want it to be over yet! But I know the "real world" (as us college kids say) is summoning me to pay back my school loans... wait, I meant to say that the "real world" is summoning me to enter into the beautiful and magical realm that it is (sarcasm included in the last statement).
The question remains, what do you do with an English major? If you can answer this for me, I will be a very happy person.
But for real, my future is so wide open. I have no clue what I'm doing after December and I'm a tad nervous about it. I always knew that graduation would come but it really snuck up on me. I love college and do not want it to be over yet! But I know the "real world" (as us college kids say) is summoning me to pay back my school loans... wait, I meant to say that the "real world" is summoning me to enter into the beautiful and magical realm that it is (sarcasm included in the last statement).
The question remains, what do you do with an English major? If you can answer this for me, I will be a very happy person.
To have deliverance...
I've seen people give up. I've seen people give into suicide, drugs, a sex addiction. I've seen people fall so far from the God who loves them even when I thought they were people who would never lose hold of Him.
I've seen girls who are so fixated on their own bodies because of the world. They strive to look perfect, act perfect, be the perfection society requires. I've seen girls cut to release the pain gained from the pressure of this world and the lies the devil is telling them.
I've struggled time after time with lies the devil has given me. Lies to give up and give into the world. To be lazy and ignore God's calling.
I know that the devil is strong, that depression is real and that suicide is a problem. I know we live in a state of hopelessness in this world. But I also know there's something stronger than the devil, stronger than depression, suicide, cutting, sex, and hopelessness. I know a God who brings hope and creates perseverance and character within a person.
God longs to be our everything. He longs to fill the voids that the world tries to fill. We all long for love. We all long to be so filled with love by someone or something, something to make us FEEL. I'm here to tell you that God can fill you with love, if you would allow Him. He is so READY and LONGING to fill you up, to make you whole, to release His Spirit upon you so that you can feel. As a generation hungry for love, hungry for feeling, why wouldn't you turn to Him? Why wouldn't you go to the fountain that never stops flowing, the fountain that can overflow your always-dry cup?
This being said, I've seen deliverance. I've seen people who go to God for their hunger to be fulfilled, their need for love completely satisfied (more than satisfied) in Christ's love. I stand here today because of Him, because He has satisfied me to overflowing. I pray that your heart will be satisfied one day as well, that you will not conform to the pattern on this world but renewed by the transforming of your mind. To have that love and that freedom in Christ is the most beautiful thing you will experience.
I've seen girls who are so fixated on their own bodies because of the world. They strive to look perfect, act perfect, be the perfection society requires. I've seen girls cut to release the pain gained from the pressure of this world and the lies the devil is telling them.
I've struggled time after time with lies the devil has given me. Lies to give up and give into the world. To be lazy and ignore God's calling.
I know that the devil is strong, that depression is real and that suicide is a problem. I know we live in a state of hopelessness in this world. But I also know there's something stronger than the devil, stronger than depression, suicide, cutting, sex, and hopelessness. I know a God who brings hope and creates perseverance and character within a person.
God longs to be our everything. He longs to fill the voids that the world tries to fill. We all long for love. We all long to be so filled with love by someone or something, something to make us FEEL. I'm here to tell you that God can fill you with love, if you would allow Him. He is so READY and LONGING to fill you up, to make you whole, to release His Spirit upon you so that you can feel. As a generation hungry for love, hungry for feeling, why wouldn't you turn to Him? Why wouldn't you go to the fountain that never stops flowing, the fountain that can overflow your always-dry cup?
This being said, I've seen deliverance. I've seen people who go to God for their hunger to be fulfilled, their need for love completely satisfied (more than satisfied) in Christ's love. I stand here today because of Him, because He has satisfied me to overflowing. I pray that your heart will be satisfied one day as well, that you will not conform to the pattern on this world but renewed by the transforming of your mind. To have that love and that freedom in Christ is the most beautiful thing you will experience.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Learning from the Teacher
I realized that I have not written anything on the internet for a while. I can make excuses for why this is, why I have failed to share the insight God has been giving me over the past few months, but honestly, I’m just lazy. Write something that you will be able to see and hopefully benefit from? Form coherent sentences? Too much work. That mindset is dumb and God is changing that as I sit here and type.
God has been teaching me a lot lately. God has been constantly been moving in my life, allowing sorrows, giving me hope, encouraging me, standing beside me even when I do not feel Him. He has shown me that I am an ignorant person. That I compartmentalize my faith. That I am fake and put on a mask of strength. He is working on getting me past my fear of leadership. He is showing me that trust is not a bad thing when put in people He has chosen for me. He constantly reminds me that all glory belongs to Him. He holds me close and reminds me that He loves me when the world rejects me. He humbles me when I boast in anything but Him. He gives me divine wisdom in foolish world and brings down His mercy and grace when I am not worthy of anything. He has revealed to me that I am a pray-er and that He has blessed me with the ability to remain in constant fellowship with Him. God has told me that it is okay to worship differently, to commune with the Holy Spirit, and to call down His blessings upon His children.
Yeah, He’s been a busy God. And this is just in my life. I could go on a tangent about all of the points in the above paragraph and have hundreds of pages that would not do God, His works and His ways the justice they deserve.
Yesterday during church I was paging through the Psalms. I always find the most amazing passages when I’m sitting in the presence of God at His Home.
Psalm 71:14-23
But as for me, i will always have hope; i will praise You more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteousness, of Your salvation all day long, though i know not its measure.
i will come and proclaim Your mighty acts, O Sovreign Lord, i will proclaim Your righteousness, Yours alone.
Since my youth, O God, You have taught me, and to this day i declare Your marvelous deeds.
Even when i am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till i declare Your power to the next generation, Your might to all who are to come.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, You who have done great things. Who, O God, is like You?
Though You have made me see troubles, many and bitter, You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth You will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
i will praise You with the harp, for Your faithfulness, O my God; i will sing praise to You with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel.
My lips will shout for joy when i sing praise to You– i, whom You have redeeemed.
God has been teaching me a lot lately. God has been constantly been moving in my life, allowing sorrows, giving me hope, encouraging me, standing beside me even when I do not feel Him. He has shown me that I am an ignorant person. That I compartmentalize my faith. That I am fake and put on a mask of strength. He is working on getting me past my fear of leadership. He is showing me that trust is not a bad thing when put in people He has chosen for me. He constantly reminds me that all glory belongs to Him. He holds me close and reminds me that He loves me when the world rejects me. He humbles me when I boast in anything but Him. He gives me divine wisdom in foolish world and brings down His mercy and grace when I am not worthy of anything. He has revealed to me that I am a pray-er and that He has blessed me with the ability to remain in constant fellowship with Him. God has told me that it is okay to worship differently, to commune with the Holy Spirit, and to call down His blessings upon His children.
Yeah, He’s been a busy God. And this is just in my life. I could go on a tangent about all of the points in the above paragraph and have hundreds of pages that would not do God, His works and His ways the justice they deserve.
Yesterday during church I was paging through the Psalms. I always find the most amazing passages when I’m sitting in the presence of God at His Home.
Psalm 71:14-23
But as for me, i will always have hope; i will praise You more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteousness, of Your salvation all day long, though i know not its measure.
i will come and proclaim Your mighty acts, O Sovreign Lord, i will proclaim Your righteousness, Yours alone.
Since my youth, O God, You have taught me, and to this day i declare Your marvelous deeds.
Even when i am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till i declare Your power to the next generation, Your might to all who are to come.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, You who have done great things. Who, O God, is like You?
Though You have made me see troubles, many and bitter, You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth You will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
i will praise You with the harp, for Your faithfulness, O my God; i will sing praise to You with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel.
My lips will shout for joy when i sing praise to You– i, whom You have redeeemed.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Freedom. Sin. Benefits. Downfalls.
"Everything is permissible for me" – but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me" – but I will not be mastered by anything. -1 Corinthians 6:12
"Everything is permissible" – but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible" – but not everything is constructive. -1 Corinthians 10:23
This verse came up at the church service I was in today. It was grossly taken out of context and placed within what the pastor was saying, but that is not what I want to get muddy today- I want to get muddy with these verses, how they are and what they are. It's late, I'm exhausted and have to work in a few hours, but some times the Spirit comes and gives us an air of renewal and revival which is what I believe is happening now as I type.
God, give me the words to say to your people.
Alright, let's see here. Paul wrote the above two verses to the Corinthians. Here's something you should know about the church in Corinth- they had problems. The town was a hub of immorality. The goddess Aphrodite was worshipped and prostitution was seen as a fitting way to do this. There was a Greek verb developed that meant "to Corinthianize" or "to practice sexual immorality." (Concordia Self-Study Bible: NIV). The citizens of Corinth found their spirituality in typical Greek ways, digging deep into philosophy and finding their way through life through their pagan gods.
The church in Corinth was affected daily by the people who followed gods and goddesses like Aphrodite. Sex was solicited all around them, a seemingly pleasing life of immorality was easily attainable and looked on as wise within the realm of spirituality.
Here's something you should know about the Church today- it has problems. The world is a hub of immorality, sex is solicited on television to us and our youth, money is worshipped by more people than would like to admit it. Prostitution, however legal or illegal, happens on a daily basis just to give those people with money the immoral pleasure that they long for. The porn industry is the only industry truly booming in this recession.
The Church is affected daily by its environment. A life of immorality, sanctioned by the culture in which the Church resides, is easily attainable.
God gave those within His Church freedom through His Son (Revelation 1:5, Romans 6:18, Romans 8:1-2, Galatians 5:1, James 1:25). He gave us freedom from sin, freedom from the guilt we feel from the sins we commit. He's given us forgiveness through the cross (if you don't know about this, please do not be afraid to ask me) and holds it out to us daily, that we may die to sin but live in Christ. He has given us the ultimate gift of His Son because He loves us unconditionally. He loves us so much that He sent a part of Himself to earth to be the sacrifice in order that we may have this freedom found only in His blood as He was whipped. We receive freedom through His death, through His dying gasps. And not only that- we have eternal life through His resurrection. We're going to heaven by nothing we did but by everything He did (Ephesians 2:8-9).
So, we have this freedom. We don't have to live by the laws God set before the people of the Old Testament. Yeah for being a God-follower after Christ came! We don't have to follow those regulations and all that stuff about unleavened and leavened bread, having two tassels on your cloak at all times and so on and so forth. We are free of the law that condemns our sin because we have forgiveness! We can go do whatever we want whenever we want it since we know that God has already forgiven us! We may as well give into the immorality the culture provides and have a good time doing it! After all, God's already got our whole salvation thing taken care of.
But wait.
"Everything is permissible." Everything we want to do because of our sinful nature- everything culture and the world is telling us to do- it's permissible. God allows us to do it, He gives us the free will to choose what we are going to do in this life. And no matter what we choose, if we constantly ask for forgiveness, He'll forgive us.
Talk about abusing a gift, not to mention the best gift of all time.
But not everything is beneficial. Not everything is constructive. Those immoral things placed in culture and societies- sex, drugs, the love of money- are they constructive? Are they beneficial in the way the culture is portraying them? What do they lead to? Really, ask yourself that. Let me know of your answer. The next time a heart is ripped out because of premarital sex, let me know if it's constructive. The next time a man or a woman is forced into prostitution because of someone's love of money, let me know if it's beneficial to that person.
I will not be mastered by anything- including my sinful nature and the desires I am placing before the thankfulness to God for His gift. When we let ourselves think that everything is permissible no matter what, we make masters of those desires we give in to.
After all of this, how are we to respond? If you are reading this and put yourself under the label of "Christian," I would encourage you to read the book of James. Delve into it. See what God is trying to tell you through it. Galatians 4 and 5 may be a good starting point, as well as Romans 7 and 8. That's what I will be doing, let's find this out together. Let's look into what comes out of living in the Spirit with the freedom that we have!
If you do not consider yourself a Christian and do not yet know of the freedom from sin that I am telling you about, please please understand this: God loves you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you, just because you're you. We didn't do anything to deserve this gift, I mean, I call myself a Christian and I still sin daily. I still hurt people, I still shove off those I love. I still find myself unhappy because of my lack of money, worshipping that more than my God. But I have freedom from that sin in forgiveness. God has given me the ability to joyfully do His work and admit that I screw up. He's given me others the patience with me to forgive me when I hurt them. I don't deserve this, but it's so FREEING to know that I have it. You can have it too if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved. You will experience this freedom, a freedom that transcends any type of earthly pleasures you can imagine.
Whatever you consider yourself, please talk to me. Let's talk this out. Let's learn what it means to live in the freedom God gives. Let's compare notes. Let's search for answers in the guidebook given to us (The Bible).
And let's start now. No time is better than the present.
"Everything is permissible" – but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible" – but not everything is constructive. -1 Corinthians 10:23
This verse came up at the church service I was in today. It was grossly taken out of context and placed within what the pastor was saying, but that is not what I want to get muddy today- I want to get muddy with these verses, how they are and what they are. It's late, I'm exhausted and have to work in a few hours, but some times the Spirit comes and gives us an air of renewal and revival which is what I believe is happening now as I type.
God, give me the words to say to your people.
Alright, let's see here. Paul wrote the above two verses to the Corinthians. Here's something you should know about the church in Corinth- they had problems. The town was a hub of immorality. The goddess Aphrodite was worshipped and prostitution was seen as a fitting way to do this. There was a Greek verb developed that meant "to Corinthianize" or "to practice sexual immorality." (Concordia Self-Study Bible: NIV). The citizens of Corinth found their spirituality in typical Greek ways, digging deep into philosophy and finding their way through life through their pagan gods.
The church in Corinth was affected daily by the people who followed gods and goddesses like Aphrodite. Sex was solicited all around them, a seemingly pleasing life of immorality was easily attainable and looked on as wise within the realm of spirituality.
Here's something you should know about the Church today- it has problems. The world is a hub of immorality, sex is solicited on television to us and our youth, money is worshipped by more people than would like to admit it. Prostitution, however legal or illegal, happens on a daily basis just to give those people with money the immoral pleasure that they long for. The porn industry is the only industry truly booming in this recession.
The Church is affected daily by its environment. A life of immorality, sanctioned by the culture in which the Church resides, is easily attainable.
God gave those within His Church freedom through His Son (Revelation 1:5, Romans 6:18, Romans 8:1-2, Galatians 5:1, James 1:25). He gave us freedom from sin, freedom from the guilt we feel from the sins we commit. He's given us forgiveness through the cross (if you don't know about this, please do not be afraid to ask me) and holds it out to us daily, that we may die to sin but live in Christ. He has given us the ultimate gift of His Son because He loves us unconditionally. He loves us so much that He sent a part of Himself to earth to be the sacrifice in order that we may have this freedom found only in His blood as He was whipped. We receive freedom through His death, through His dying gasps. And not only that- we have eternal life through His resurrection. We're going to heaven by nothing we did but by everything He did (Ephesians 2:8-9).
So, we have this freedom. We don't have to live by the laws God set before the people of the Old Testament. Yeah for being a God-follower after Christ came! We don't have to follow those regulations and all that stuff about unleavened and leavened bread, having two tassels on your cloak at all times and so on and so forth. We are free of the law that condemns our sin because we have forgiveness! We can go do whatever we want whenever we want it since we know that God has already forgiven us! We may as well give into the immorality the culture provides and have a good time doing it! After all, God's already got our whole salvation thing taken care of.
But wait.
"Everything is permissible." Everything we want to do because of our sinful nature- everything culture and the world is telling us to do- it's permissible. God allows us to do it, He gives us the free will to choose what we are going to do in this life. And no matter what we choose, if we constantly ask for forgiveness, He'll forgive us.
Talk about abusing a gift, not to mention the best gift of all time.
But not everything is beneficial. Not everything is constructive. Those immoral things placed in culture and societies- sex, drugs, the love of money- are they constructive? Are they beneficial in the way the culture is portraying them? What do they lead to? Really, ask yourself that. Let me know of your answer. The next time a heart is ripped out because of premarital sex, let me know if it's constructive. The next time a man or a woman is forced into prostitution because of someone's love of money, let me know if it's beneficial to that person.
I will not be mastered by anything- including my sinful nature and the desires I am placing before the thankfulness to God for His gift. When we let ourselves think that everything is permissible no matter what, we make masters of those desires we give in to.
After all of this, how are we to respond? If you are reading this and put yourself under the label of "Christian," I would encourage you to read the book of James. Delve into it. See what God is trying to tell you through it. Galatians 4 and 5 may be a good starting point, as well as Romans 7 and 8. That's what I will be doing, let's find this out together. Let's look into what comes out of living in the Spirit with the freedom that we have!
If you do not consider yourself a Christian and do not yet know of the freedom from sin that I am telling you about, please please understand this: God loves you. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you, just because you're you. We didn't do anything to deserve this gift, I mean, I call myself a Christian and I still sin daily. I still hurt people, I still shove off those I love. I still find myself unhappy because of my lack of money, worshipping that more than my God. But I have freedom from that sin in forgiveness. God has given me the ability to joyfully do His work and admit that I screw up. He's given me others the patience with me to forgive me when I hurt them. I don't deserve this, but it's so FREEING to know that I have it. You can have it too if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved. You will experience this freedom, a freedom that transcends any type of earthly pleasures you can imagine.
Whatever you consider yourself, please talk to me. Let's talk this out. Let's learn what it means to live in the freedom God gives. Let's compare notes. Let's search for answers in the guidebook given to us (The Bible).
And let's start now. No time is better than the present.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A cord of three strands
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Hear me out. Please.
Just because I'm a Christian it does not mean I am superior to you, that I make better choices than you or that because of my faith I am wholly without sin and perfect.
I am just as screwed up as the rest of you.
In the following weeks you are going to find out a lot more about me than you want to know. To you Christians, I say this: I am not a stumbling block. I am meant for ministry despite my faults and my failures. My faults and my failures make my witness true and real- a connection point between me and other people who are going through the same thing. I refuse to keep up the appearance like I have it all together because honestly, I don't. And neither do you- you sin too.
To those not claiming to be of the Christian faith or to those doubting: I am going to be sharing a lot of me with you because I want you to know me for who I am not by the title given to me by my faith. I know titles can be intimidating and imply stereotypes. I want to knock those down and obliterate them as much as I possibly can. My faith is a part of who I am but just because I have it does not mean I'm perfect... I only hope you can know and see that.
Ye have been warned. Wow, that sounds intimidating!
I am just as screwed up as the rest of you.
In the following weeks you are going to find out a lot more about me than you want to know. To you Christians, I say this: I am not a stumbling block. I am meant for ministry despite my faults and my failures. My faults and my failures make my witness true and real- a connection point between me and other people who are going through the same thing. I refuse to keep up the appearance like I have it all together because honestly, I don't. And neither do you- you sin too.
To those not claiming to be of the Christian faith or to those doubting: I am going to be sharing a lot of me with you because I want you to know me for who I am not by the title given to me by my faith. I know titles can be intimidating and imply stereotypes. I want to knock those down and obliterate them as much as I possibly can. My faith is a part of who I am but just because I have it does not mean I'm perfect... I only hope you can know and see that.
Ye have been warned. Wow, that sounds intimidating!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Undertaking
Saunter
your upright profile
slightly hunched shoulders
your suit.
You walk through the mist-
You saunter.
Not fast
not slow
just perfect.
Just your back
seen by my two eyes.
I know your face
encompasses all that I fear
without seeing it
I can see it clearly.
You stare down
those I love
The eyes
penetrating to the deepest parts.
They beckon.
They hold promise.
Yet
Victory!
is not yours.
Sting!
is not yours either.
Your tyrannical reign
is no longer wanted.
your upright profile
slightly hunched shoulders
your suit.
You walk through the mist-
You saunter.
Not fast
not slow
just perfect.
Just your back
seen by my two eyes.
I know your face
encompasses all that I fear
without seeing it
I can see it clearly.
You stare down
those I love
The eyes
penetrating to the deepest parts.
They beckon.
They hold promise.
Yet
Victory!
is not yours.
Sting!
is not yours either.
Your tyrannical reign
is no longer wanted.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Praise
Even when my eyes are dry
Even when my soul is tired
I won't leave my hands down by my side
I'll lift them up to You!
It's not about how I feel
Oh, Lord, I am here for You,
I exist for You.
-"Even When" by Seven Places
This song has been my theme song for many, many years now. I adore it, absolutely.
Dear God, even when things are crazy and hectic it's You I turn to you You I adore. Please guide my steps, put Your shield of protection all around me and those I love. I love you so, Abba God. You are the only true source of life. Please, please help me show others this fact. Give me the words to say and the way to act that really shows that You are worth living for and that Your love and hope and grace and YOU, straight up You Lord can supply everything for living this life. You are more than worth it.
God, Your will be done.
Sincerely,
Your daughter, Jenessa
Even when my soul is tired
I won't leave my hands down by my side
I'll lift them up to You!
It's not about how I feel
Oh, Lord, I am here for You,
I exist for You.
-"Even When" by Seven Places
This song has been my theme song for many, many years now. I adore it, absolutely.
Dear God, even when things are crazy and hectic it's You I turn to you You I adore. Please guide my steps, put Your shield of protection all around me and those I love. I love you so, Abba God. You are the only true source of life. Please, please help me show others this fact. Give me the words to say and the way to act that really shows that You are worth living for and that Your love and hope and grace and YOU, straight up You Lord can supply everything for living this life. You are more than worth it.
God, Your will be done.
Sincerely,
Your daughter, Jenessa
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Run
For the first time I see
I see you for who, who you are
For the last time I find
The pieces on the floor.
I can't pick them up
No, I can't pick them up anymore.
Instead I run
Into the arms I know so well.
I hide in Your love
As you shelter me from myself.
I wish you could see me
See me for who, who I am
The wall is too high
The barrier too strong.
I can't break it down,
No I can't break it down anymore.
Instead I run
Into the arms I know so well.
I hide in Your love
As you shelter me from myself.
Lord come and take me
Render my heart to You.
Perfection is what I long for
As I search after you.
And so I run
Into the arms I know so well.
I hide in Your love
As you shelter me from myself.
I see you for who, who you are
For the last time I find
The pieces on the floor.
I can't pick them up
No, I can't pick them up anymore.
Instead I run
Into the arms I know so well.
I hide in Your love
As you shelter me from myself.
I wish you could see me
See me for who, who I am
The wall is too high
The barrier too strong.
I can't break it down,
No I can't break it down anymore.
Instead I run
Into the arms I know so well.
I hide in Your love
As you shelter me from myself.
Lord come and take me
Render my heart to You.
Perfection is what I long for
As I search after you.
And so I run
Into the arms I know so well.
I hide in Your love
As you shelter me from myself.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
This needs to be said.
Let's imagine something. I have a box. When I open the lid, whatever you desire the most is going to come out of it. What do you really desire, above anything else? What do you long for? What will come out of the box when I open it?
I first heard this preached as a sermon at Teen Challenge years ago. For a lot of those people new to the program, they wanted a certain type of drug or alcohol to emerge from the box.
I answered with the name of a man. What man? I don't even know now, but I remember feeling fully ashamed when I heard the rest of what was said that day and in that room.
To this day I am still ashamed by the pedestals we put the opposite sex on. We let the person we desire fill our heads, much of the time with nonsense that isn't even true.
Case in point, mainly with the ladies. Since I don't talk to guys about this kinda stuff and I am not a guy, I don't know that much about it. So I guess I'll just pick on myself and my sex/gender right now.
How many times have you thought a guy "liked" you just to find out later that he never wanted you as more than a friend? It happens all the time. We, as girls, become so fixated on a guy that we take the little things that he says and does and just blow them out of proportion in our minds. Our conversations become all about him, our time is spent on thinking about him and whenever we can, we hang out or talk to him. We get angry when we don't talk to him or when he spends time with other people and not us. We base how good our day is on how long we get to be around him or chat with him.
Straight up, this is not right.
The Bible tells us that we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Fix our eyes on Jesus. On Jesus. JESUS. Not on man, not on what this earth holds or a man that can distract us from focusing on Jesus. Think about it. If you are totally fixated on someone and looking at them, there is going to be little that could direct your attention away from that person. You're listening to what they're saying, distractions are gone. You are fixed on them. Now imagine that with Jesus. Way neat, right? Spending every waking moment wondering what He's thinking about, knowing that He's thinking about you and that He loves you more than any man ever could? Wow. We don't have to wonder if He likes us or not and fantasize about a romantic evening with Him when we already have His love and we can have a romantic evening with Him at any time (ask me how later).
Ladies, gentlemen, whoever you are reading this, please don't see this as an attack. I do this all too often as well. It takes a lot of time and effort to get out of this cycle and focus on God. I'm learning, slowly but surely. I'm learning that if I trust God with giving me a mate, it will all be better in the long run. To focus Him and find someone earthly to love through Him is the start of the best earthly relationship you could ever have.
My plea: Fix your eyes on Jesus. Give your heart to Him, He deserves your attention, your thoughts, and your time.
I first heard this preached as a sermon at Teen Challenge years ago. For a lot of those people new to the program, they wanted a certain type of drug or alcohol to emerge from the box.
I answered with the name of a man. What man? I don't even know now, but I remember feeling fully ashamed when I heard the rest of what was said that day and in that room.
To this day I am still ashamed by the pedestals we put the opposite sex on. We let the person we desire fill our heads, much of the time with nonsense that isn't even true.
Case in point, mainly with the ladies. Since I don't talk to guys about this kinda stuff and I am not a guy, I don't know that much about it. So I guess I'll just pick on myself and my sex/gender right now.
How many times have you thought a guy "liked" you just to find out later that he never wanted you as more than a friend? It happens all the time. We, as girls, become so fixated on a guy that we take the little things that he says and does and just blow them out of proportion in our minds. Our conversations become all about him, our time is spent on thinking about him and whenever we can, we hang out or talk to him. We get angry when we don't talk to him or when he spends time with other people and not us. We base how good our day is on how long we get to be around him or chat with him.
Straight up, this is not right.
The Bible tells us that we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Fix our eyes on Jesus. On Jesus. JESUS. Not on man, not on what this earth holds or a man that can distract us from focusing on Jesus. Think about it. If you are totally fixated on someone and looking at them, there is going to be little that could direct your attention away from that person. You're listening to what they're saying, distractions are gone. You are fixed on them. Now imagine that with Jesus. Way neat, right? Spending every waking moment wondering what He's thinking about, knowing that He's thinking about you and that He loves you more than any man ever could? Wow. We don't have to wonder if He likes us or not and fantasize about a romantic evening with Him when we already have His love and we can have a romantic evening with Him at any time (ask me how later).
Ladies, gentlemen, whoever you are reading this, please don't see this as an attack. I do this all too often as well. It takes a lot of time and effort to get out of this cycle and focus on God. I'm learning, slowly but surely. I'm learning that if I trust God with giving me a mate, it will all be better in the long run. To focus Him and find someone earthly to love through Him is the start of the best earthly relationship you could ever have.
My plea: Fix your eyes on Jesus. Give your heart to Him, He deserves your attention, your thoughts, and your time.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Simple thoughts
Just some simple thoughts from a simple minded person that scream to be written down.
I never thought I would be in this position. I mean, I never ASKED for this. I hate drama. I will do anything to avoid it. I know a lot of people say this, but I much much much rather fix something than create the problem. But that's where I get into trouble. I try to fix something and instead I end up creating so much CRAP that it's hard to sort out. Sometimes I have to know when I just can't help- all I can do is pray. And I know prayer is powerful, but sometimes it feels like a complete cop-out answer.
I try to love on people as best I can. But someone said something that got me thinking. Love is more than just glossing over a problem and ignoring it altogether. I mean, look at God's love for us. He treats us as sons and daughters (something He's been teaching me lately). This means He disciplines us like sons and daughters as well. He doesn't gloss over problems, pretending like they're not there. He punches us in the face with our problems. "Hey, let's deal with this. But not just you, because I know you're not strong enough. Let's DEAL with this. Fist fight with it, come on! I've already conquered hell and satan, I think I can help you out with this if you would let Me." I am made in His image, I strive to be like Christ. He is love and I long to love man like He does. This means not glossing over problems. This means not pretending like things are okay when they're not. This means dealing taking off the gold-plated exterior and ripping out the rotting wood inside, rendering it onto God.
This means not being a sissy about confrontation– something I am all too often.
What I do know, for sure, as a fact and what I cling on to: Christ died for me. I didn't deserve it. I'm a sinner, I fail to turn to Him for so much. I fail to communicate with Him. I hurt Him daily, even though I don't want to. I much rather bring a smile to His face, but I fail. Yet He died for me. He DIED. And then He went and fought satan in hell as if it wasn't enough to battle temptation while He was on earth. And He rose, so I could know that I have eternal life through Him and Him only. Not because of anything I've done, but because of His grace.
I love You, Abba.
I never thought I would be in this position. I mean, I never ASKED for this. I hate drama. I will do anything to avoid it. I know a lot of people say this, but I much much much rather fix something than create the problem. But that's where I get into trouble. I try to fix something and instead I end up creating so much CRAP that it's hard to sort out. Sometimes I have to know when I just can't help- all I can do is pray. And I know prayer is powerful, but sometimes it feels like a complete cop-out answer.
I try to love on people as best I can. But someone said something that got me thinking. Love is more than just glossing over a problem and ignoring it altogether. I mean, look at God's love for us. He treats us as sons and daughters (something He's been teaching me lately). This means He disciplines us like sons and daughters as well. He doesn't gloss over problems, pretending like they're not there. He punches us in the face with our problems. "Hey, let's deal with this. But not just you, because I know you're not strong enough. Let's DEAL with this. Fist fight with it, come on! I've already conquered hell and satan, I think I can help you out with this if you would let Me." I am made in His image, I strive to be like Christ. He is love and I long to love man like He does. This means not glossing over problems. This means not pretending like things are okay when they're not. This means dealing taking off the gold-plated exterior and ripping out the rotting wood inside, rendering it onto God.
This means not being a sissy about confrontation– something I am all too often.
What I do know, for sure, as a fact and what I cling on to: Christ died for me. I didn't deserve it. I'm a sinner, I fail to turn to Him for so much. I fail to communicate with Him. I hurt Him daily, even though I don't want to. I much rather bring a smile to His face, but I fail. Yet He died for me. He DIED. And then He went and fought satan in hell as if it wasn't enough to battle temptation while He was on earth. And He rose, so I could know that I have eternal life through Him and Him only. Not because of anything I've done, but because of His grace.
I love You, Abba.
My attempt
I search
I dig
I seek Your face.
But the thoughts are confusing
I find my mind
Asking
Searching
Never receiving.
It's like a child.
I close my eyes,
I hold out my hands,
I wait for the One to guide me.
I feel someone.
Tag! They're it.
It's their turn.
Their turn to figure it out.
My eyes are open
But I still search.
I search for You,
I bring the search to others
For You.
I dig
I seek Your face.
But the thoughts are confusing
I find my mind
Asking
Searching
Never receiving.
It's like a child.
I close my eyes,
I hold out my hands,
I wait for the One to guide me.
I feel someone.
Tag! They're it.
It's their turn.
Their turn to figure it out.
My eyes are open
But I still search.
I search for You,
I bring the search to others
For You.
Monday, April 13, 2009
New blog
In addition to this blog, I am also starting a music blog. I have wanted to do this for a while and just decided to. Should be fun!
http://ragbagofmusic.wordpress.com/
Go, read, comment, check back often!
-Jenessa
http://ragbagofmusic.wordpress.com/
Go, read, comment, check back often!
-Jenessa
Thursday, April 9, 2009
People
As promised in an earlier blog, here is more about the people God has recently thrown into my life. I use the word "thrown" because that's exactly what it is. I'm a dense person, bad at accepting when God gives me blessings- especially people that turn out to be good friends. The friends I have come close with recently are mainly girls who God has shown me that I can trust and turn to, no matter what. These girls are people who I will never give up on, even when junk happens and sin gets in the way. These are girls I can never see myself being outside of a friendship with... it's just too strange to think about.
I have one close guy friend as well- many of you probably know who I am talking about. He is a dear brother to me- I thank God for him daily. The fact that I can have a guy close probably makes a few of you squirm, but do not fear. He is just that- a brother. A wise man of God that God threw into my life (several times, mind you, until I actually realized that hey, maybe I should try to maintain a friendship with this dude!) and called me to search the Scriptures alongside him. He is someone I see as so wise- a spiritual leader that many can turn to for Biblical counsel.
Yet he is the only person that gets me passionate about what I believe. And I mean passionate to the point of irritation. Why do I get this way? Why do I let what he says rock the my belief I have about a certain subject? Why do I find myself, at the end of every conversation, flipping through the pages of my Bible to hear what God has to say about it?
And then I realize it. It's kinda the same thing as when God throws friends at me because I'm too dense to figure it out. He's thrown this person in my life to throw me back into the Word and into the most important relationship I can have- the one with my heavenly Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit who encourages me on this walk of faith. He gets me back to the basis of my faith through a man who is a mere mortal, throws me back into communication with Him through being still and listening rather than getting defensive about a topic I am anything but a resident expert on. He throws His Word at me and the truths within in His Word so I may learn more about Him and fall even deeper in love with Him.
He is the love of my life, my beautiful and jealous lover. In Him and through Him I have life.
I praise You, oh God, for everything you throw at this dense mind!
I have one close guy friend as well- many of you probably know who I am talking about. He is a dear brother to me- I thank God for him daily. The fact that I can have a guy close probably makes a few of you squirm, but do not fear. He is just that- a brother. A wise man of God that God threw into my life (several times, mind you, until I actually realized that hey, maybe I should try to maintain a friendship with this dude!) and called me to search the Scriptures alongside him. He is someone I see as so wise- a spiritual leader that many can turn to for Biblical counsel.
Yet he is the only person that gets me passionate about what I believe. And I mean passionate to the point of irritation. Why do I get this way? Why do I let what he says rock the my belief I have about a certain subject? Why do I find myself, at the end of every conversation, flipping through the pages of my Bible to hear what God has to say about it?
And then I realize it. It's kinda the same thing as when God throws friends at me because I'm too dense to figure it out. He's thrown this person in my life to throw me back into the Word and into the most important relationship I can have- the one with my heavenly Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit who encourages me on this walk of faith. He gets me back to the basis of my faith through a man who is a mere mortal, throws me back into communication with Him through being still and listening rather than getting defensive about a topic I am anything but a resident expert on. He throws His Word at me and the truths within in His Word so I may learn more about Him and fall even deeper in love with Him.
He is the love of my life, my beautiful and jealous lover. In Him and through Him I have life.
I praise You, oh God, for everything you throw at this dense mind!
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