New Years.

For many years growing up, I spent New Year's Eve with my Gramma. We always stayed up til midnight, eating way too much good food and watching all the bad acts of Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve. A few of the years my cousin Luke spent NYE with us, which was always a good time.

I am so thankful that I grew up very close with my extended family. They are all amazing people with beautiful hearts. I am blessed to have been born into such strong love with a beautiful example of that love in my Gramma and Grampa (who I never knew).

New Year's Eve is always hard without Grandma Rose, who is now spending it with Dick Clark (har har, I'm so funny). New years come and go, but some traditions will not die. I will cherish those times and I will watch Dick Clark's special tonight, dang it, and enjoy very little of it.

Prayer Request

I have an interview with SIAS University on Wednesday night. I am excited and nervous all at the same time.

All I know is that this little one's face is in my head and I can't get it out.



*3.5 months*

"Well, she's willing..."

"I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China…I don't know who it was…It must have been a man…a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing…and God looked down…and saw Gladys Aylward…And God said - "Well, she's willing."
- Gladys Aylward

(That's me. ha.)

One year.

This past year I've been absolutely amazed at how many youth leaders (Youth Pastors and such in various churches) have so much time for blogging, tweeting, facebooking, and keeping up their websites.

I mean, for honest people? Between writing Bible studies, teaching Confirmation, doing events, having prayer time, going geocaching, having movie nights, equipping parents, planning mission trips and vacation Bible school, overseeing Sunday School, helping with worship, leading worship, planning and leading retreats, conversing with parents, counseling youth, going to concerts and soccer games and basketball games... HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU EVER HAVE TIME TO WRITE?! And that's just the stuff for your job. Attending or leading a small group, being a good family member, being a strong force of Good in your friends' lives, getting into the Word and having quiet time with just you and God... Yeah. I don't get it. I mean, how do you have time to research and muse on huge things and write giant blog posts every other day about them? I question everything about you.

I haven't even had time to eat today. *Le sighe*

Love.

Background story for those who don't know it:

I went to China for two weeks this summer with an organization called Bring Me Hope. Essentially what they do is lead summer camps for Chinese orphans. This is just a little reflection on my two weeks there.

_______________________________

God’s love translates into all languages.

It translates perfectly, knowing no boundaries or hindrances because He is Love.

The five days flew by. No... sped by. No... they bounded by completely unbridled. One of the Chinese staff and I were talking last night about writing. “I try and capture life with my words, but my vocabulary is so limited that I can’t.” I can’t either, sadly, and this is what I studied years of my life to achieve. But to capture this experience (and I mean TRULY capture it) with words is impossible. I can’t even tell you how fast the week went by, much less tell you about the rest of the week.

It’s semi-frustrating not knowing the language you are surrounded with almost every minute of every day. I wish I could talk with the kids, I wish I could listen to them and their stories firsthand. Don’t get me wrong, for the past week I have had an amazing translator. But the way I communicate with kids at home, the way we teach each other has a lot to do with the fact that we are able to talk with each other. I think of Vacation Bible School just last week. I was able to talk about God with the kids so openly and freely, sharing the one thing that binds us all together in this lattice or spiderweb or the basis for this cosmic connection, if you will. It is God who created us, sustains us, and brings us together every moment of every day. Even with your worst enemy you have this connection of being made in the image of God and alive through the grace and love of the same Being. But that is beside the point. The point is

...

It was over a month ago that I wrote those words while sitting on the new semi-wood floor of the dorms at the university. I’ve had a month of being back in the States, my head not really screwed on tightly and a huge piece of my heart still with my orphan kids. Thirty days to reflect and figure out what the point is.

Love.

That’s it.

Love brought the Bolts to China.

Love created Bring Me Hope.

Love brings all of us hope.

It’s Love that keeps the organization running and growing; Love that makes every day and every week of Bring Me Hope camp happen. It’s Love that causes people to travel 10,000 miles to be with a kid. Love doesn’t just sit around and do nothing- Love ACTS. Love causes us to play games of basketball in 90 degree weather with 80% humidity. Love leads us to cuddle, sing, and pray four Chinese orphans to sleep when we feel completely exhausted. Love doesn’t just ask you to sit back and watch the world unfold around you. No, Love demands that you run straight to the heart of the world and unfold it yourself. Love may not be glamorous and it may not be easy. It can break your heart. But man, lemme tell ya- it’s life changing.

You see, Love came down and showed us exactly how unglamorous it can be. Love lived a perfect life and healed a lot of people. Love never hurt anyone but only came to bring hope, to seek and to save the lost. But Love was betrayed by His friends. Love was crucified on a cross and killed by those who were supposed to love Him. It was Love who took on everything icky we had ever done and would ever do. It was Love who paid the price, Love Who conquered the devil, and Love Who rose again to bring us even more hope.

When we accept Love, we accept His life. We put on His robes, we carry the cross. It’s not glamorous... a lot of the time it’s sweaty, frustrating work. It’s having an orphan in your arms, screaming at you for a solid 30 minutes. But Love knows know bounds! Not even death can hold it back.

So who are we to hold it back? Take a chance. Hug an orphan. Pursue Love (1 Corinthians 14:1).

Dreams, of the sleepingly visual kind.

I believe in prophecy because the Bible says it's real. I believe some people are given the gift of prophecy. I don't believe that God has a word for every person at every moment through every prophet, but that God does use them when He wants to hit us over the head with something. I've only been prophesied over three times, but each time was absolutely incredible and I thank God for giving me His Word through them. The last time probably hit home the hardest and is something I still very much struggle with. That was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced and it left me completely stunned. But that's a different story for a different time.

I know I am not a prophet and that God has not given me that gift. However, at times He does give me dreams that turn out to be prophetic. Here are some examples:

- Last spring, I had a dream that my friend Seth came up to me and told me that he was going to marry the girl in the purple dress. I look over and there is my friend Reese. I had no clue there was anything other than friendship between them. Little did I know that at that time they were praying over marriage. They will be married April 23rd.

- In summer of 2009, God gave me the dream of a prayer and worship conference at the college I attended. In November of 2009, that dream became a reality.

- Yesterday, I had two dreams about my friend Greg. My friend Pamela asked for these dreams in detail, so here's the whole thing, in detail. Sorry if I bore you.

Both dreams happen in the same type of room. Some hotels are structured so that when you walk out of your room, you can look down to the main rotunda. In this dream, we were in a hospital that did this. The walls were red, and Greg's room was in the top corner of this place. In the first dream, I went into his room and yelled at him, with authority. "Greg, WAKE UP!" I said. And he did. Smiling, he rose out of his bed and told me he had to go to the bathroom. I tried to stop him, telling him to go back to the bed and getting in the way of the bathroom door. I yelled for Jennie while being scared, excited, happy... everything at the same time.

The second dream happened in the same place. Greg woke up and suddenly we were all being told to take a picture together. Someone from a level below was going to take it, so we all stood on the bottom rail near our feet and bent over the top rail. As we kept moving down the rail to get the place right, I was placed right in between Greg and James. I was nervous and excited all at the same time and reached for James's hand, knowing that it would be some kind of comfort. He grudgingly gave it to me, but as soon as I could see he didn't want to, I dropped his hand and instead focused on Greg. He was so smiley and so excited, it was easy to forget about the guy on the other side of me.

That's it. Both of them held a healed but still in the hospital Greg Jager.

Today, Greg woke up. Although he's not able to walk, talk, or really smile as big as he did in my dreams, I know that God is healing him. I can't wait to listen to his voice again and hear his stories about this time! God has given this man an amazing story that is just waiting to be heard. Soon, Greg, soon. And it will be on paper.

I think we all have amazing stories that need to be heard. Every experience in our lives shapes us into who we are. If we want people to truly understand us, perhaps our story is a good place to start. Who are you? What is your story?

New things.

My friend Greg is in the hospital. He's really in need of prayer, so please pray for him. I know that God is a God who does miracles. I know that God loves Greg. And most of all, I know God will let His glory show through Greg and already has in a lot of ways. Here's the link to his Caring Bridge site for the latest info!

I can't wait until Greg gets to go home. It's gonna be awesome! So soon, I just know it. Nevaeh (his daughter) is gonna be so stoked to see him!

In other news:

I ran into a street sign this morning. My Buick won and just has another dent. The street sign, on the other hand, didn't fare so well.

I have an amazing boyfriend. We've only been dating a month, but I'm a little taken with him. He's a writer *swoon*. And adorable *double swoon*.

Other than that, just trying to keep my head above water and live every day for Him. Even when everything seems to be getting you down, grabbing His hand and getting into His Word is the only way to go.

Day 13: Introspection Starts.

In an effort to pretend like the last week didn't happen, I am starting at day 13. Judge me how you like, I don't care.

The last night Gramma was still able to respond a fairly good amount, my cousin, mom, and I had a sleepover and watched "Luther" on the television right next to her bed. She didn't have her hearing aids in, but we kept it pretty low anyway. At one point, she was ruttin' around so I went over to help her move a little bit and see if she needed anything.

If you don't know, the movie "Luther" is about Martin Luther (yes, I do work at a Lutheran church). We were at the point in the movie where the catholic cardinals were arguing about whether they should react to Luther or just let it fizzle out by itself. My Gramma somehow heard this and says, in her tired state, "What are they crabbing about?" I don't know if I laughed harder that day than at that time... silly Gramma.

Day: Days, days, and days... that feel like weeks.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to Your glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

-Psalm 73:23-26

(This photo was taken a week ago. Today, Gramma Rose is dancing with Jesus and the angels.)

Days 11 and 12: Pink.

This is my niece. She is adorable and since she is a girl, she has to wear a lot of pink. So instead of buying her more pink, I bought two uni-sex fleece sweatshirts for her. In our family, we appreciate all pigments in the color wheel.