I like doing this.

Sometimes I wonder if people of the opposite sex can truly be just friends without ever having some sort of interest on one side or the other.

For a long time, I thought I had a just amazing friend of the opposite sex, but within the last week I've started questioning my intentions.

I've come up with a solution: Get over it. He is your friend. FRIEND. Friend. The beauty of the word makes me so happy. Anything more makes me nervous and would, eventually, make me frustrated as well and lead to an awful awful cut in the friendship, more than likely. I'll stick with friend.

I had a great weekend. Hung out with Triple Stitch and the clan last night and had an absolutely great time. I am so proud of everything they are doing and the way they preach the Gospel. Every time James (the lead singer) talks about God when he's onstage, I can't help but think about the verse about being unashamed of the Gospel. To me, this is one of the ways it's shown. Could I get up there and talk about Christ? Maybe. Could I do it onstage in a bar? Probably not. But they listen to God's prompting and share His love (and also the message of a real hell) with everyone everywhere. I pray that God gives them that boldness in every area of their lives to preach the Gospel.

Also, check out my photos of them and let me know what you think!

Tomorrow I'm hopefully hanging out with my friend Joey who I haven't seen in about a year and a half. He's always been really interesting to me for, umm, various reasons that shall go unmentioned. He's just a strange kid. But he does make some good music, which is stinkin' sweet. Check out Icarus the Owl and go see a show of theirs! I have yet to make one, but I shall as soon as I can.

Alright, over and out. Gotta get to bed. Night, owls! ;)

Reasons to attempt to let people close to me

1. Like the disciples had each other and they were sent out two by two, I need a partner in ministry; a person to share a common bond and a common goal as we are used as God's tools to share the Gospel. As well, I want to hold this person accountable to their faith, encourage them and admonish them in the Truth (and for them to do the same for me).

2. It's nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of, even if they're stupid ideas.

That's all I got. Thus far I've found one person who shares this, with the potential of one more. God supplies, that is a fact.

Reasons for not letting people get close to me.

1. In the end, I usually just get hurt. For no apparent reason, really... at least not one that I can find.

2. No one can ever take what I say and seriously entertain it. For some reason, it's just always wrong.

3. I'm a stubborn old guss. Really.

4. People only like the happy side of me. The mad/sad side doesn't come out often, but when it does it thoroughly frightens people. So I can only be happy.

5. Most people really only are my friend if I can get them somewhere. Granted, there are a few exceptions, but if the friendship makes them feel good, makes them meet cool people, or in any way helps them, they like it. The second I need something from it, the person's OUTTA HERE.

6. I'm learning that always having a filter on my mouth really does sometimes make things worse. So now I'm breaking down that filter, telling people when I'm hurt and learning to apologize. Apparently people don't like either of those things.

7. Sometimes I can be really mad at something, but everything else in my life is going great. People don't get that and it confuses them and makes them want to leave even more.

8. I'm serious about my faith and I seriously know when something is affecting me spiritually. Most people think I make this up which makes me wonder how well they really know me.

9. I work a lot, dedicate a lot of time to church and generally have a busy schedule. This is not conducive to having healthy friendships, I guess. So why bother if I can't maintain them with time?

This is me blogging more.

Today was a day of new adventures.

Embarrassing, but the best I can currently do: Slumber Nor Sleep

I wish I had a better voice than I do, but what can I do about it except keep plugging away.

I currently have no voice.  I completely lost it while I was over at Stan's and it just got worse at youth group movie night.

A couple highlights of the day:

1.  I started learning how to knit thanks to my dear friend Nenna.  It was Grammacore day at Stacie's and I have wanted to learn how to knit for quite a while.  So I started the process!

2.  My youth director at church made me an official key holder (so I can open doors for youth group events) and gave me access to a pretty good acoustic/electric guitar.  I am gonna be there all the time playing, I just know it.

3.  I saw my coworker at church.  She's so great.

Off to bed, work tomorrow 9-4 and then who knows what I'll be doing!  Love you all!

Talent

This year I've had the privilege of judging for the Club 3 Degrees music tournament.  After being in the Minneapolis music scene for years, you would think that I have heard all kinds of talent and have seen it all.  But this past year, I took a step back from being prominent on the scene itself and decided to focus on my own music.  Thus, when I judged for the tournament this year, I saw the sheer amount of talent that has sprouted within the Minnesota borders.  Having to give points to various bands, many of whom compose music that I only wish I could compose, based on the talent I have heard elsewhere is a hard task.  But with a few concerts under my belt, I have a short list of bands for Minneapolitans and music enthusiasts to watch out for- they are coming up fast on the horizon!

Mark This Day

This band is incredibly new, but perform very well live.  I can't wait until their songwriting becomes stronger and their screamer truly finds his niche.  Give them two years and a well-recorded full length and this band will definitely make their mark on the music scene.

Blank Page Empire

This band contains a few of the remnants of Nihilio, a group who had started to make a name for themselves when they disbanded about a year ago.  In my opinion, Blank Page Empire kept the best parts of their former band and made it more southern.  Ryan Menghini's well-done vocals brings already solid melodies and catchy hooks to a whole new level.  Hopefully this band will be able to play a bigger stage at Cornerstone this year- that may be their solid ticket into a strong musical career.

Hyland

I have known this band since they first started out under the name Tomorrow's 39.  Now with only one original member left, frontman Jon Lewis has taken his years of music and put them to the test in this year's music tournament.  This band is not a new face in the tournament; they have been trying to secure the first place spot for years but have always come up just a few points short.  Their new music sounds like a glorified version of their older repertoire; however I hope that as the band gains more fans and hopefully a label in the near future, their second label-released record will begin the transformation of their music into a style all their own.  It's about time these boys went somewhere and I have a feeling that this is the year everything breaks loose for them.

Keep checking out Club 3 Degrees and the shows they have going on there.  Also, be sure to stay tuned to these bands, see if they made it into finals (which will be at Club 3 Degrees in mid-April) and head out to a show as soon as possible!

Busy busy business.

For those of you who don't know, I recently started a job at a bagel shop. I enjoy it, even more so now that I am not baking and actually get to talk to people out front.
Yesterday a younger woman (around my age) came in. Immediately I saw her style and loved it... she didn't fit into the stereotypical rich suburbs look at all. My kinda person. She ordered a strange bagel sandwich and when I was going to ring up her order, we started talking. I told her I liked her style and noticed her accent. "You have a little bit of an accent, where are you from?" I asked.
"Australia. But I've lived here for eight years. Well, not here. LA actually."
As we began talking more, I found out that she is playing bass on some recordings for Prince. Since his studio is but a mile down the street from our shop, it makes sense. She left, promising to come back the next day (today). I definitely was looking forward to seeing her again. After all, she's living my dream. I work to play and listen to music. That is her work... bass, nonetheless. So awesome.
Today when she came in, I could tell she was tired but she still took the time to chat with me a little. When I had to assist other customers, she sat down (even though she had gotten her food to go) and chatted on the phone for a while. No one else was in the store, she was chatting, my coworkers and I were puttering around doing some form of work. After awhile, a middle-aged mom came into the store. Said bassist was speaking a little loudly on her phone, but it was just her, something she would do. I am the exact same way- I speak loudly when I'm on the phone with someone. But this middle-aged suburban homemaker did not like it. As she left with her food in a hurry I heard her mutter, "We don't give a shit."
Now, sure, she may have been having a bad day. Maybe she had a bad workout or the person at the nail shop didn't get the exact shade of red she wanted on her overdone nails. Or maybe her under 400 calorie meal took 30 seconds too long to prepare. Whatever the case, was that really necessary? If she had known who this girl really was, would she still have made that comment?

Maybe this is one reason I don't like the suburbs. Everyone has to be nice all the time, be quiet, and all the same. We see something slightly out of the ordinary, someone being themselves, and we notice it and become either concerned or angry. For once I want to be myself, even in the suburbs, and not be rejected for it.

The crusty punk rock girl is longing to get out. The one with tattoos and crazy hair. The one who still wears sun dresses, but wears them with chucks and to show her tattoos. I want to be the girl who plays in a band and doesn't care what other people think. Who leads worship but shows the raw side of worship- the true heart of worship: worshipping even when everything sucks. I want to be the person He's created me to be. So badly. So why can't I?

So I've Been Told

Last weekend, an old friend and I had a chat about what worship truly is and what worship music sounds like. As we both sat and agreed that most worship music is too light, too perfect, and way too happy, I started thinking about what the music I wrote would look like if I actually wrote it from my heart. If I wrote what I was feeling.

This is part of what came out of that.

So I've Been Told

I have been taught
All my life, all my life
That God brings joy
His yoke is easy
And His burden
It's so light

I've been lied to
By people I trusted
They preach joy
But show only sorrow
So where's the proof?
Why aren't you light?

You have given me more
More than I can handle.
You show me more love
More than I care to have.
Keep Your mission
I want out.