Thoughts

I wish it would stop raining so we could go do something today.

I have a lot I need to do, but nothing I want to do.

Today I watched a chick flick starring Brittany Murphy. It was interesting.

My mom's pretty cool. I should probably call her sometime today.

Me? I don't need you. I have everything I need.

Manda Jean is the coolest person ever and a stinkin' great friend.

Let's have a bonfire. When it's not raining.

I sometimes wonder why bad things happen. Then I realize that we live in a sin-filled world.

Twitter is just a plain old cool word.

So is Google.

As an activity after lunch, I'm gonna try baking. Woo-hoo! What an adventure.

I wonder if my computer can handle me working on photos. Let's try it.

Don't. Ever.

hang up on me.

Bad choice.

And it left me in a bad mood.

Boo.

Some days. Are. This.

Some days I just want to scream. Yell. Go on a rampage. Worship You with all I have because honestly, at this point, all I have left in me is just enough to take my guitar, play it hard, and wonder how in the world this is gonna end up.

But I can't do that, the family is sleeping.

But I refuse to just go crawl into bed with a heavy heart. I refuse to let this get the best of me, to get me down. I REFUSE, in the name of Christ, to let this torment me any longer. I am dead to the world, I was bought at a price.

So why, God, does this hurt so badly? Why can't You just take the thoughts away? WHY MUST I DEAL WITH THIS TIME AFTER TIME?! Save me. Save me from this. I want to breath in You and breath out You. I want all of me to be a living being for You and You alone. Please take this away. I beg you. Save me from my enemies. Give me a heart that beats for You. Please. God.

So save me now.

Tattoos and God.

This morning I had a high school classmate ask me about why I got my tattoo. Poor guy, I gave him the longest explanation possible. The explanation is as follows.

My decision to get a tattoo has not been an easy one. As a person who follows God and seeks to do what He says in His Word, I've struggled with this decision heavily for about two years. Leviticus 19:28 was the main reason I did.

But as I looked more into it, I found much more in the New Law that backed up my decision to do it. We know that when Christ came, he abolished the old law and wrote it upon our hearts. Basically, if I were to follow Lev. 19:28, I would also have to follow the fact that I have to have 2 tassels on my cloak (I don't even wear a cloak), let a priest examine my house, and all sorts of other odd laws that Lev. and Deuteronomy outlines.
This is not to say that the old law doesn't always pertain. The law He has written on our hearts is shown even in the Gentiles (Romans 2:14-15) and we live by it. Think about the 10 Commandments. Even those who don't believe often still follow the commandment not to murder.
More about the law being on our hearts:
I will put my law within them, and I will write it upon their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each man teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the LORD; for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:33b-34

Another reason was because I want to glorify God with my body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."
To me, saving myself for marriage, eating right, keeping my body healthy, and visibly doing something to glorify God and to be all things to all people so that a few may be saved (1 Corinthians 10:31-33) is the best way to keep my body as a temple. Just like people could look at the temple in Jesus' day and know that it was a temple, I want people to look at me and know that my body is a temple for Christ, I want to use it as a ministry tool and get people talking to me about faith and Christ who normally wouldn't.

In addition, I will be getting another tattoo over my heart after I am married. My decision for this was based on Song of Solomon 8:6- "Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave."

One more thing:
As a writer, I found myself writing stories that were, well, anything but God-pleasing in the last year. Dark, moody, and worldly were all words that a person could use to describe what I was writing. With this on my right arm, it reminds me that my whole life is a ministry, including the words I put on paper (or on the internet).

Gotta say this.

You know what I am SO sick of?
I am sick of people calling me weak.
You know why they call me weak?
Because I'm a Christian.
"Weak-minded,"
"Unable to think for herself,"
"Completely lacking reason,"
"Basing her life on a lie."

Here's the truth:
Christianity is not easy.
It's not a walk in the park or a piece of cake.
Living for a God who people see as dead, uncaring, or nonexistent is anything but easy.
Standing up for a faith that is folly for those outside of it is not something that a person can do on their own.
Living each day outside of society's norms,
Being dead to sin,
Taking up my cross daily,
Resisting the devil,
Staying in prayer,
Remaining focused on God rather than this world...
all while everything around me tells me to do something else?
The pressure is greater than you think.
Don't believe me? Try it.

Christianity is not for the faint of heart.
Yet it is.
Christianity is not for the weak and weary.
Yet it is.
Because it's through Christ I live like this, and Christ is the base, the core of this religion called Christianity. He is the One we have a relationship with. And even though the way is hard and living for Him may not be the easy thing to do, through Him we have the strength to be more than conquerers and live life here and in eternity to the fullest extent possible.

Some days I echo David.

Psalm 27:6-14

And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
8 You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.”
9 Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.

11 Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

13 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

Funny things about my best female friend. Part 1.

My best female friend likes to yell. And scream. And sing poorly (on purpose) at the top of her lungs. The best part? Her dog doesn't even look up anymore when she does it... unless she uses the words "outside" or "potty" when she screams.

She has the most screwed up back of anyone I know. And to fix it, she has a "Thing." Take it as you will.

Thanks to her I literally smelled over 60 wax samples in one night. And enjoyed it.

She looks good in a teal prom/bridesmaid dress with a black hoodie, bright orange rain boots, and a corsage made of dandelions. No joke. (Oh, and I will put photos up here of this. Eventually.)

If you know her fairly well, you know she can make you laugh like none other.

Pablo's. Once a week. It's a must.

Most of the time, she is too warm... except for this one time last summer when she put on all of her winter wear and made cocoa. That was interesting.

She likes Hilary Duff. Legitimately likes her.

She owns more tabloids than anyone I know. And sometimes I read them.

She can sew... and she's good at it. Not many women can say that nowadays.

She is the most beautiful woman I know; I only wish I could make her see that.

Her little dog is her baby and she has the most tender heart toward animals.

"MOTHER OF AN APPLE!"

"My pillow smells like old people. And babies."

Funny things about my best male friend. Part 1

He thinks he's the bass player for Rancid. And will continue to think so until I bring out the gun. Squirt gun, that is.

He will be replaced by a new best friend shortly.

He can guess what people are going to say before they say it... especially if that person is in a cheesy 70's movie about stock car racing.

He has the worst taste in movies. Ever.

He once said, "Jenessa, I don't want to have to tell you to jump off a cliff. Because I will, you know that." The beautiful thing? He never will have to.

He acts like he's 20, looks like he's 24, but he's actually almost 20-10. Haha, 20-10 in 2o10.

I think he cries more than he lets on.

He's one of the most intimidating people I know.

He wears more hairspray in a single day than I do in three years. Maybe five.

When he calls, I have to legitimately decide whether or not I want to talk to him... this usually takes a few rings. I answer about 60% of the time.

He believes all domesticated cats should die brutal deaths. Involving lawnmowers.

My mom met him... and likes him. Whoa.

He is the most passionate person I know.

Living nowhere.

Thoughts of the wanderer.

Guitar stuffed in the trunk with some clothes. Molding clothes. From the...

Molding food.

That is kinda gross.

Since smelling a ton of mold, my sniffer has gotten more acute.

That's my Heiner's nickname for me and has been since the 8th grade. I wish I could go see her on Wednesday, but she's the big time now.

Have I been wearing the same clothes for days straight?

Priorities: God, family, music, survival.

I always know where my Bible is. That's gotta count for something.

Today I got $3.00 worth of gas and paid for it with mostly coins.

Then I bought a bass guitar for a few hundred dollars. Like, the green pieces, not the silver or the copper ones that I find on the road. It left my wallet bare... except for a few copper pieces.

When was the last time I hit up the dumpsters?

When will it be warm enough for me to bathe in the lake?

Is Wilson Ramos married? Does he speak English?

I accidentally typed "Is Mike Ramos married?" into google. Oops.

I probably won't get to a Twins game this year. I rather buy music/photo stuff with that money.

Priorities.

God does miraculous things with dumb situations.

God does beautiful things with dumb people.

My best friend is in my phone as "DUMB." But I do love him. Very much.

I wish people would stop saying stuff about me being his girlfriend. To me, that's pretty disturbing... but at least it's said to my face so I can diffuse any misconceptions.

For the record: I rather cut off my big toe than ever be his girlfriend. Or maybe my entire foot. Perhaps my hand as well.

My SPOON is TOO big!

I wonder wonder wonder wonder what's in a wonder ball.

I swear there was such a thing as Urkel O's at one time. I don't even know how to spell his name though. One time I fed some to the sunfish at my Gramma's house.

I like the feeling of being clean. I like new clothes.

I like the feeling of being free.

Thanks to God I have freedom all the time, even when I don't feel it.

I have to work in 11 hours.

I love my job and can confidently say that I'm gonna be there for many years.

"Life is not a tranquil stream."

"A friend loves at all times, but a brother was born for adversity."

I should probably clean out the trunk of my car.

I want to vomit.

It's like cancer.

Wait, worse. It's your stomach, your large intestine, and your small intestine deciding that they are too good for you and want out of your body. The only way out is to reek havoc on everything else around it, start decomposing, and seek the easiest exit point as soon as humanly possible.

Or maybe it's your heart... serrated with an Exacto knife, breaking off slowly and perfectly along perforated and parallel lines.

Or maybe it's your central nervous system being taken over by a Trypanosoma parasite resulting from a seemingly insignificant bite years ago. It eats away at the soft, pink coils, disturbing your sleep, making you confused.

Whatever it is, there's only one answer and seemingly, one cause to it all.

You.