A blast from the past

My sister got engaged yesterday, and I am so excited for her. While we are not close by any means, it's still a separation from our family... you know, the whole marriage thing. Soon I'll have to be sharing all my sisters with their husbands' families, and I don't know if I'm ready quite yet for that. They're MY sisters, no amount of "in-law"ing can make them anyone else's. Selfish, I know. But I love them a whole heckuvalot.

This, mixed in with the fact that this Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be completely different from every single other one in my past (aka- spent without my parents) is causing me to be a tad... well, a lot, sentimental. I'm sorry, I can't help it.

I'm trying to write a series of pretty pessimistic stories, actually, for my creative writing portfolio that is due next week. But I think this weekend is going to be spent writing and revising a new series for this portfolio. Here's the introduction:

I don’t remember how we came to be in possession of the Southwind. I can’t remember the day my Dad and one of his best friends brought it home. I remember that our family and his friend’s family owned it, but that was about all.
The RV sat next to our house when it wasn’t being used; right outside of my bedroom window. But a piece of it was my bedroom when we were on vacation. It was our home on wheels: each sister had a place to sleep as did Mom and Dad. It had a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room. It was everything you could want for a few weeks on the road. That home made for some of the best family memories I have.
I don’t remember much from my childhood, sadly. I remember enough to make my past worthwhile. I’ve met people who can tell me about dozens of moments from when they were four years old, whereas I can maybe place one, but I would probably be making it up. Nonetheless, the moments and memories I have are good ones. I know my childhood was great, I had a great family and still do, and we had a great many adventures. Sometimes these adventures would be in the woods surrounding our house, but more often than not they were in the woods and on the beaches we would visit while touring the midwest in our rig. The following is a collection of those adventures, as best as I can remember them. Sure, my parents will probably see this and question if any of these situations are even true, but to my knowledge, they are. But who knows how the mind of a young girl works...

The Future

So last year I had this High School Musical poster hanging up in my room that stated, "The future is a big place." Cheesier than all get out, but yet somewhat true.
My future is very up in the air, not going to lie. I have no clue what I'm doing next semester or for Christmas break for that matter, much less next summer or the year after that. I like to fly by the seat of my pants, but with this whole money thing I know that I can't do that forever. I've had people asking me what I'm doing this summer/next year, when I'm graduating, and blah blah blah blah FUTURE.
My answer to this:
I don't know.

I don't have enough credits to graduate this spring, which is disappointing to me. But it happens, it's cool. Which could mean one of two things:
1. I will be taking summer classes (and probably staying in Morris to do it- yay!).
2. I will be at Morris for another semester and hopefully get some sort of minor.

For Christmas break I may:
1. Find a job(s) in Morris, find a place to live for a month, and stay here.
2. Miraculously find a job in Brainerd (aka, not gonna happen), be there.
3. Move in with Mommy Joyce and Dad for a month and work at good ol' Cub near-ish to the cities (what I'm leaning towards).

For this upcoming summer I may:
1. Stay in Morris, find somewhere to live, take classes, and work a couple jobs.
2. Live in Brainerd, perhaps take classes from the local community college, and work a couple jobs.
3. Go on tour as much as I can for as much of the summer as I can, and live wherever, work wherever and whenever I can. (My personal preference, but hey, that's just me.)
4. Live near Minneapolis (maybe with Nick and Nicole, or Robynn, or Mommy Joyce and Dad and Brenna, or my Grandma, or Matt and Julie, or my nanny family, or anyone that wouldn't mind living with me...), take classes at U of M or another school, find a job or an internship (or a few).
5. Work for a while at some job or another, maybe in Morris taking a class or two. Apply for IHOP in Kansas City, and if I get accepted, spend 6 months there with my Father... the heavenly one, that is.
6. Find a job somewhere (Brainerd, cities, Morris), then leave for part of the summer on an amazing serving road trip, spreading God's love to everyone I can (this ties for first in what I'm leaning towards...).
7. Write High School Musical 4, earn a bonkers amount of money, and star in it opposite of Zac Effron. Next fall we will get married.

So that's where I'm at with all of this, and now is where you come in. What should I do?! Suggestions, additions, anything?! I'm at a total loss here, and my parents (as well as me) want to know what I'm doing...

My blogs are boring.

I'm not very politically driven, nor do I have strong opinions on a lot of different things. I'm mainly even tempered, but if someone ticks me off, they will know it.

Sadly, the Canon camera company will be feeling my wrath this week and they will know that they have ticked me off. As a potential Canon-girl for life, they could have gotten thousands of dollars from my pocket to their overloaded wallets. But now? I'm just not sure. I bought a Canon digital Rebel XT about a year and a half ago. If you knew me at that point in my life, you know how excited I was to buy it after saving up for it for about three years.

Fast forward to about a month ago. The camera stops working. No apparent reason, none at all.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I take it to Best Buy to hopefully get it fixed (and hoping they could give me a deal since that's where I bought it), knowing full well that I only had a year warranty on it (and it had to stop working just over that). The reason I didn't have a longer warranty was because I didn't have $200 extra dollars to spend on it. I'm a freaking college student after all. Best Buy tells me that it's going to be $350 on the low end to fix it. SCREW YOU CERTIFIED CANON-FIX-IT-MAN. Robynn was right, he's a bad man.


In other news...
I'm really getting into writing several short stories series. I'm only working on one right now, but I think I want to do a super-personalized series. Here's my idea:
I've had a lot of people who have influenced my life in one way or another. I have many people I would consider good friends, and many people who are working their way up to that. Other good friends I have fallen out of touch with, but it does not mean that they have not affected my life. It would be fun and probably a little intense on the introspective side to go through my life and to pick a few people from each area of my life. They all were/are/will be interesting, with lives that could never be considered boring (even the people I knew at my little Lutheran high school).
Bob got me thinking about that last night, sometime after the shot of almond extract and probably before the part of the conversation in which he decided it would be funny to name your children after bands. He suggested "August Burns Red" and I chimed in that the other should be "mewithoutYou". As a teen, that could be a problem for mewithoutYou's friends. "Hey, do you want to hang out tonight?" "Nah, I'm already hanging out with mewithoutYou."
Maybe that was funnier last night. Although the name Emery is beautiful and could completely be a name for a girl. I may put that one in my back pocket for 10 years down the road.

Well, I hope this counts for a blog. I worked real hard on it.

-JP

A Parable.

Apparently I need to write more

I just realized that I'm behind in doing journal entries for my writing class. I give him this blog as my journal, so I figure that I should probably write a little more.
This may be something I write for nonfiction next semester, I think I'm taking that class. But I want to write about my personal experiences here at UMM as a Christian. I had another interesting class period yesterday in which assumptions about the Christian faith were being made based on one preacher in a news story in which he was placed to look completely wrong and antagonistic. Even though they were using the words this preacher said, it's still completely possible for the station and the interviewer to twist everything into the way they/he wants it to be seen. And for the people who had personal experience with the Christian faith who were speaking in class just didn't quite know the truths of the Bible.
And it's my fault for not speaking up, for not saying anything, I know that. I was completely overwhelmed, my heart was hurting with what was being said, and I didn't speak up. That was the wrong thing to do, I know. If I could go back and change that fact about yesterday, I would. But I know God will give me the opportunity again and give me the opportunity to clear the air about a lot of what was being said. Perhaps this is why I feel the need to write this blog.
One of the assumptions made in class yesterday was that almost everyone, if not everyone in the class, believes that homosexuality is "okay," meaning that they support the homosexual lifestyle and see nothing wrong with it.
To clear the air now, before someone yells at me for hate, I love people. God has given me a heart of love and I believe I have to use it. I love people no matter what, no matter how much the frustrate me, no matter who they are or what their background is.
That being said...
I firmly believe that homosexuality is wrong and is a lifestyle of sin. I can sit here and quote Bible verses at you, both from the Old and New Testament (yes, person in my class, the New Testament says a lot about homosexuality being a sin as well), but what difference would that make to you? I'm sure you've heard it, been completely repulsed by it, been angry at the people who have done this. And in this instance, we are on the same page. So many of the outspoken Christians have said hurtful things to this community and had an overall attitude of hate toward them.

Sidetracking a little bit:
I was raised in a Christian (more precisely, Lutheran) home. I went to a Lutheran grade school and a Lutheran high school. I was going to go to a Lutheran college and become a Lutheran youth worker.
Then God told me no. But that's a different story.
In that Lutheran high school, we had the opportunity to go, as a school on a few different buses, down to the capitol to protest gay marriage. I will not lie to you, at the time I wanted to go, I was going to go. I mean, get out of classes for a day to go protest something God says is wrong? Pssshhhhyeah I was all about that.
But for some reason I didn't go and I'm not sure why.
Fast forward to now.

Christians are called to love (Mark 12:30-31; John 15:12-13, 17). We are called to love our neighbors, not just those fellow believers. We are called to make disciples out of all nations and teach all nations to obey what Christ commanded us to obey (Matthew 28:19;20). All nations, all people. We're not here to just make the body of believers that already exists stronger, we are here to reach out in love! Christ came to save the lost, not the righteous- the sick, the downtrodden, the miserable. Those without a saving faith, those in sin (Matthew 9:12-13). And quite frankly friends, that's all of us. I am the lowliest of sinners, I sin constantly and I know that. I need a Savior because without Him, I would not have the hope of eternal life (John 10:27-28). I would not be forgiven (Mark 2:1-12). I would not be living a life of complete joy (John 15:11).
As a Christian, I know that all sins are equal in God's eyes (James 2:10; 1 John 3:4; John 8:7-11). This means that we as Christians are on the exact same page as people living an alternative lifestyle. We sin, just like they do. We are in need of a Savior, just like they are. We sin, but why isn't our sin protested on the steps of the capitol? We are all people on this earth, dealing with temptations. It's the outcome of how we deal with those temptations that makes us different.
I leave you with one last thought on the matter and I encourage you to seek what God is trying to tell you through these verses:
"Jesus answered, 'Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.'"
-Luke 13:2-3

Wow.

I just was able to facebook chat with Katie a little bit. She's been in Gambia for a little over a month and has 3 weeks left to go... all while her fiancée's band is on their last tour- an experience she won't get to be a part of because she's doing God's work over in Gambia (see a previous blog in which I mentioned them).
You see, I met Katie last spring I think- that was the only time we have ever seen each other. She lives in Canada and is a nurse, so time off is rare. But she came with her fiancée for a few shows, and one of them happened to be in Minnesota- Rogers, to be exact.
Something (that I can attribute to God) was telling me to go talk to her. The conversation that followed was absolutely incredible. I cannot wait until she comes back, even though I know I probably won't have the opportunity to see her until this summer.
She is so amazing, I can't even begin to describe her. She has a heart for missions, for doing the Lord's work in places I would hate to go. Even though she can't be here and seeing Todd, I don't think she regrets her decision at all.
Something that she said today struck me: "yeah. i just wish that children didn't have to suffer and die of things that are treatable. i wish there was more that i could do."

Maybe I'm supposed to do something with those words, maybe I'm supposed to help in some way. I feel so small in comparison with this big problem- but is it really that big? Who's bigger than our God? Perhaps He can even use little old me in this instance. People to contact about this have already popped up in my brain and what's the harm in trying to get medicines and tools over there to be used? The worst that could come out of it would be that there's no way to get supplies and no way to get them over there. There's absolutely no harm in trying.

In other news, I love hardcore music. Mainly, I love the people that play it- they are some of the most genuine, sweet, and amazing people I've met. You would think they would be angry, I mean, don't you have to to play that kind of music and act like that onstage? But that's completely not true and to me, that's awesome. I'm so excited for tonight and to see Means because I know this to be true of them as well. And last Sunday I saw Rawhyde, Nihilio, and For Today- all bands that aren't angry outside of sounding angry from the stage. Another example, you say? For All Those Sleeping- some of the most calm and not angry people on the face of this earth. And now, if you're the hardcore type, go listen to all those bands.

Revising

I'm sitting here, trying to write a paper, and it's just NOT HAPPENING. I hate Dickens and wish he would just go away.
Okay, that's a lie.
But I'm not doing well with this paper.
So let's switch paces a little, do something a little more creative before heading down to the University Register office to work on my section so I don't have quite as much to do this week.
I'm writing a series of short stories. They have some crazy possibilities, and I am so excited to write them. However, when I am excited to write something, most of the time it comes out as word vomit on the paper. Thus, revising is usually a good strategy for me to use.
Michael Perry, a magnificent man (whose books I have yet to read, but I assure you- this Christmas they will be in my hands), came and spoke to our class two weeks ago. I fell in love with his revising style.
A weird thing to fall in love with, right? Well, I did anyway. Judge me later.
Essentially, he takes the word vomit he put on the page, prints it out, and cuts out the pieces with scissors. From there, he puts the sections in the best order he can find, leaving some sections out and writing in new sections.
I'm going to try it and I have a good feeling that this is going to be my revising style as well.

So, ummm, yay for word vomit writing? It's still gross, but now I know I can do something visually with it. And if you know me, you know I'm a visual person (after all, I do love me some photography).

I shall take pictures of my progress- it should be funny.

-JP

Promoting.

This is the last thing I should be thinking about. I mean, I have a million other things I should be focusing on, like Dickens, my short story series (by the way, I will be posting a beginning short story at the end of this weekend), or sociology (the class I'm sitting in right now). But for some odd reason, I was thinking about promoting last night- mainly promoting music. Thus far, I've found a few helpful pointers to everyone who is trying to get their foot into the music scene. This list will more than likely grow, but here is the beginning.

1. Write music. Make it catchy. Cater to your base and make it clear who you want to get hooked on your music.

2. Find a decent but fairly priced studio to record at if you don't already know how to yourself. If you live in MN or surrounding states, I know a few that I can refer you to.

3. Use lower levels of media. Give interviews and press releases to high school and college newspapers, even if they aren't big schools. Talk to magazines, send press kits and market yourself to that magazine and their readership.

4. Find a decent photographer. You will be taken more seriously and fans will think you are a bigger band if your photos look professional. Again, if you want some references, I'm all over that.

5. Don't underestimate the power of myspace. I've seen bands/solo artists who hardly ever have shows, but have some of the largest fan bases I have ever seen. Use myspace, put up music, photos, get a nice layout.

6. Be personable. When fans write you, write them back. When they comment on your myspace, comment them back. Use twitter, and link it on your myspace. Start a blog for fans to read. Make your life accessible to them (not all of your life, of course...). If they can see you as a person, they will feel more of a connection between both you and your music.

7. Have a youtube channel or stickam, and use it. Just another way to become personable. Don't be afraid to play some new songs or new snippets from new songs on these- your fans will appreciate hearing it right from you.

Realize that these pointers will not bring you into popularity overnight, but they will help you to get your music career started. And, as always, I'm a resource you can use- ask me questions! I've been around music for several years and want to do everything in my power to help you. And if I can't, I can probably find someone who can.

-JP

Little pieces of inspiration

In the past few days, I've had a lot of inspiration. Not just inspiration to write, but also spiritual inspiration (that sounds kinda repetitive) and just little comments that still make me laugh.
Here are a few:

Todd and Katie. Todd is on his last tour with his band, and his fiancée Katie is in Gambia right now. After talking to him last night, I can just see how beautiful of a relationship these two have. Katie is absolutely amazing and I look up to her so much- no joke. How she's dealing with working in a hospital/training nurses in this hospital with little supplies is incredible- I just can't imagine it. I know as soon as they can, they will both be out on the mission field and in foreign countries as much as they can. SO AWESOME!

My friend Ryan made this comment to me: "If I was in a band, I would want you as my biggest fan. You like every band no matter how bad they are." Made me laugh. Thanks Ryan.

A myspace message from Jesse the incredible Perkins waiter. Oh, but I have to tell you the backstory on this one. I met this dude- he was our waiter at Perkins. He looked like a band guy, so I asked him if he was in a band. Sure enough, he was. And sure enough, he is also starting a production company with one of my friends. Small world. Anyway, here was the end of the message today that made me laugh: "p.s. I can spell my name using only letters from your name. wild."

Last year, my now roommate Bekah showed me the meaning of searching for Truth. This year, I have been after that so much more. Whether it's people spurring me on to look into the truth about worship, baptism, communion, or about other beliefs I hold dear, it's constantly making me search for the Biblical Truth about why I believe what I believe. It just reinforces why I believe what I believe. 1 Peter 3:15- "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." The rest of this chapter is amazing too, but that's for a different post. In fact, I'm just really into the epistles right now, so you may just be hearing more about that.

My friend Abi has also just been incredible (like she always is). Life's not the easiest right now, financially, spiritually, relationally I guess, but her and I just... click. She's always there to add something to what I've been learning, always there to spur me on toward Christ- I can only hope I do that for her as well.

And there's something to be said for family. I absolutely adore them and love them to no end.

Okay, I gotta go study... test today that I'm completely not ready for!!!

-JP

Creating something from something already created

Yeah, read that title 5 times fast. Or even just two times fast.

I was thinking about writing a piece from the aspect of another piece- you know, putting the two together, using one as my muse and the other as my work. Thus, I've decided on Dickinson. I absolutely adore this woman and wish I could know everything about her and who she really was.

This is the poem I'm using for my muse:

It's All I have to bring to-day,
This, and my heart beside,
This, and my heart, and all the fields,
And all the meadows wide.
Be sure you count, should I forget, --
Some one the sum could tell, --
This, and my heart, and all the bees
Which in the clover dwell.

Yum. More posted on that later!

Hmmmmm

I wonder what the rest of the day will bring. I mean, I wonder what the far future will bring as well, but I wonder all the more about the rest of the day. What will I do? Where will I go? Who will I come in contact with?
Today I want to have one interaction with someone that I could write a story about. The plan is to go to Sioux Falls, SD for tonight and hang out with some lovely friends that are here from Oregon. That could make for a good story, or perhaps the ride down.
You see, God's put a lot of amazing people in my life. People that I don't necessarily deserve in my life God has put there, and two of them will hopefully be joining me. When we get together we can't help but talk about Him and what He's doing in our lives. To me, this is so exciting. Our conversations mean more, we grow into a better friendship with each other as well as with him.
For example, I know this amazing girl named Abi. She's a transfer student this year and I met her only a week ago. It feels like I've known her for at least a year. The first time I met her was at our women's Bible study. Then last weekend she came to Onething with us. Everyone that was there came so much closer together, and we all definitely got closer to Abi. She just has that type of personality that you don't ever want to miss out on.
Since then I've hung out with her quite a few times, and God just continues to challenge me through her. The things she struggles with are exactly what I'm struggling with and have been for a while. I personally think the devil wants people to feel alone so they can't fight against the temptation or depression their problem brings when the truth is quite the opposite. You're never fully alone. God is always with you and there's always someone on this earth who has dealt or is dealing with the same thing you are. Sure, it may be in a slightly different way, but the fact is that God places people in our lives to help us conquer our struggles through Him. I firmly believe that's why He's put Abi in my life and that's why she's coming with me tonight.
So perhaps I'll write a story about our adventures in my little white car or perhaps I'll just write


So I'm back, it's almost 5 a.m. and I still have to work on some homework for tomorrow. So much fun was had tonight, I can't even begin to describe it. I could have a million stories out of this one night, it's nuts.

I love this life.

The Gideons

Today is Gideon's day. I was thinking about this a lot the past few days and wondering when they would be here. I guess I should explain myself a little bit. As I was walking back from a great morning prayer this morning and great time with God, I saw Chancellor Johnson walking toward her office. The whole time I was thinking, "Man, if I run into her on the sidewalk and am forced to be excited to see her, I'm gonna flip a lid." Luckily, she reached her destination before I was close to intersecting with her, but not before a saw an older gentleman show her some green thing he had in his hand. I smiled. This man was one of those cute old men that you could just see being your grandfather. I saw her walk away from him quickly, her own agenda and pressing matters at hand. The man, with the green thing still in his hand, could not have his smile wiped off his face even though she hadn't take whatever he held out to her.
As I approached the man, I realized he was from The Gideon's International. I walked up to him with the biggest smile I could muster at that early hour and took the Bible from him. I smiled into the face of a man who had the joy of the Lord. "I was wondering when you guys were going to be here. I've been thinking of you a lot lately," I stated in all honesty.
"Yeah, we waited for the rain to pass."
We said a few more words which I don't even remember, and I walked back to my room to crack open this Bible. Hopefully I won't have it for very long, hopefully a day coming up soon I will need to give it away. But the first chapter I opened it to was Acts 4. This chapter is about how the "teachers of the law," the Saducees and Pharisees, see God's work being done in healing and even though they're upset that the apostles and disciples (and more specifically, Peter) are preaching in the name of Jesus and preaching about the resurrection of the dead (and thousands are hearing the Word and believing it). Even though these teachers threaten the apostles in order that they may hinder them from preaching something contrary to what they are teaching, the Word of God cannot be stopped and even they began to see that it was undeniably the truth that the apostles were preaching.
Reflecting on the Gideon's, I think this has everything to do with them and every other Christian on earth. Acts 4:20: "For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard."
I pray that today God would give us the boldness and the Holy Spirit like he did with Peter and the other believers gathered in Acts 4 (check out verse 31) so that we may proclaim those things that we have seen and heard.

Band Boy vs. Another Man.

Today in class we had a diagram on the board of a man and a woman walking into a concert at which the woman’s ex-boyfriend was playing. I looked at this diagram and realized this exact thing had happened to me and this would probably make a very funny story.
It was a few months after I had broken up with, shall we call him, Band Boy. Band Boy was a great man, caring, understanding, but intensely clingy. His problems became too much for me to handle, and his constant complaining was downright depressing. He always said he didn’t want to be like that, but when he would do nothing about it, it ticked me off. I could not handle him.
So after telling him I needed a break (and never really breaking up with him), I found another man. I informed Band Boy about Another Man and told him that we started dating. Naturally, he was devastated. While he knew that day would come, he didn’t think it would come so quickly. So one day, I wanted to go to a show. I had been celebrating my boyfriend’s birthday with him for the entire day and he graciously accompanied me to my friend’s show that night. Only I had forgotten that Band Boy’s band was opening for them. The night was spent trying to avoid contact with Band Boy, and Another Man could not figure out why. Finally, I had to tell Another Man... and he was NOT happy with the situation. Since then I have broken up with him as well. Life goes on, I guess. And awkward moments get left behind for us to merely laugh at.

Ten years.

It’s always interesting looking at where you could be in ten years. I sat in my speech class today and contemplated that. Ten years is definitely a long time and I don’t even know what I’ll be doing next year. But I think of the possibilities, and the different people I would be if I chose different options. For example, let’s say I join a band this summer and the band does well. I choose to stay with it, maybe never gaining a very high popularity, but I wonder what I would be like then.
Or perhaps another character. For example, if I joined the Air Force. Now, this is not really plausible for me personally but nothing is impossible, persay. If I joined the Air Force, I would be different in, well, I believe it would be a negative way. I mean, I would probably be bossy, controlling, always feeling like I’m in the right and never acknowledging truth in anyone else. I wonder if my outlook on life would be narrow because of the small tube of vision I would have while in the Air Force.
Perhaps I wouldn’t do either extreme, but stay in the middle of the road. Go into my career, maybe do the typical American thing and find a husband and have my 2.5 children. I’m still wondering how a half a child works. But if I were to be this character, I would be patient, kind, loving... everything a good housewife would be. Throw in a love of music and you got yourself a me in ten years.
It would be interesting to write a character like this- incredibly introspective. It makes me think of something in the second person, like a “pick your own adventure” deal. It could be interesting to delve into this.

Imaginative and bad sci-fi

I am constantly thinking of weird ideas to write about. Most of them sound like some really awful B-rated movie or some poorly written sci-fi novel. But some of them I can entertain for a few moments and get a random plot line out of. For example:
A little girl is scared of the dark, but for a good reason. Everytime she goes to bed at night the toy monkeys she loves and adores during the day come back out to haunt her at night. She believes that the more attention she gives them during the day will make them nicer to her at night. But every night, without fail, her monkeys threaten her life. One day, she decides to tell her parents. Her parents, of course, tell her it’s all her imagination. That night the monkeys come back in full armor and ready for battle against the little girl. She defeats them easily, with just the belief that they’re not real.
Imaginations are great, aren’t they?

Dying wishes?

I have personally never been in a car accident before or spun off the road. I just had a friend text message me saying that he spun into a ditch... with his donut truck. After much rationalization and a confirmation that he was in fact physically fine, I started to wonder what would go through a person’s head as they begin to lose control of a car, or while a car is spinning. Maybe a short little story about this would be awesome and jam packed full of character description and such. But I think before I or anyone else even attempted something like this, investigation into the human brain and psychological aspects would need to be done. Maybe someday when I feel really motivated I’ll write this piece.

Inspired music

Listening to music is a release. Do you ever have those days when you just need to unwind, get anger out, or just have something to fill your ears? Music does all those things for me. I’m pretty open to all types of genres, minus rap and country. When I listen to songs, I wonder where those songs stemmed from. Some are pretty hard to figure out what the inspiration for being written was, but others have it explicitly stated. For example, a song about a girl who broke a guy’s heart. Pretty easy to figure out- the lyricist probably had something like this happen to him. But I like to expound on this general situation. Really listening to the music, figuring out what a person is thinking in writing these, and going from there. For example, perhaps the woman left the man because she had to move to a different city far away from him and could not handle a long distance relationship. Or maybe it’s a tangled love decagon with lovers hooking up all over the place and hearts broken and repaired by another within a few paragraphs. That could almost end up as a comedy. Whatever it is, something has inspired this singer/songwriter to write about the subject they did. Lending an ear and an open mind to it is always fun.

The pretty girl

I saw her sitting there, the pretty girl. Her short blonde hair looking professionally colored and styled, her small figure in need of a man to hold her. Well, she did have a man to hold her. It was my man, my man who had been my man only a month prior to today. I’m a very independent person, I always gave him his space. I let him do what he wanted when he wanted, I came and supported him at his concerts and helped him when he needed help with the band and other things. I let him pick times and things that we were doing, never once being a burden to him. I was the best girlfriend I could possibly be. I knew at shows I had to let him work, do his job, and get to know fans. I understood that girls would be flocking over him, but did not want to be the type of girlfriend who would step in and make him kiss me at that moment.
But she was. She was needy, jealous, and always had to keep her eye on him. She hated me from the moment she saw me, and now seeing her, I realize that perhaps he always had his eye on her. When she ignored him for one time too many, he invested in me instead. Then, she got jealous and took him away. Figures.

Cults

Cults have always fascinated me. I say that meaning that cults are something I would like to know more about, not believe in. My faith in God as my Savior is strong enough to survive researching cults and finding out more about what they believe in. I would do this to not only learn more about the world around me, but to see what I could do to show the people in these cults the Truth.
It would be really neat to write a story about one of these cults, possibly someone having initiation into one for the first time. This would take some psychological study as well, looking into what would cause a person to enter a cult in the first place. But just to see that mindset would give me a whole new aspect on a person and what they believe and see as truth.

Faith statement

My faith is a huge part of my life, in fact, it’s probably the biggest part of my life. I absolutely love trying to wrap my thoughts around this huge and magnificent God and never fully understanding it. I love thinking about His love and how it’s had an impact on my life. Then I also begin to look at my friends and think about their own faith stories. Some of them found God when they were at the lowest point in their life while others have been Christians their whole life. I would love to write a story about faith and how faith can truly change a person, and maybe even base it off of a person or two. I could perhaps even do a short story series on it, looking at people from different walks of life and different faith backgrounds.

To stand still in time

Ever have those days when you're super reflective on just about anything and everything? For once, it would be really neat to be reflective like that and have time stop around you. Not to say that reflecting in and of itself is not cool... it is. But it would be really cool if you could suddenly stop and see everything around you for what it is.
I'm thinking this would be a really cool either short story series or a short play (like a one act or something). Maybe a series of short plays. I would like to see my character in several different scenes where their life has stopped around them. One where they completely stop in the midst of being incredibly blessed, one during a typical day, another during an awful day.

Just some slim pickin's

So I realized today that I haven't been journaling for my creative writing class. A big oops on my part. But I have done a few journals in my time, and want to expand on them, here with you of course. I didn't realize people actually looked at my various blog spots, and decided that I need to start one central blog (after good advice from a smart businessman).
Thus, the next few blogs will be excerpts from the dark side, or, rather, the makings of an incredible work of art. I wish.

Oh man.

Me=super bummin'. Kinda.
Yesterday I found out that a guy I really liked and appreciated saw me as a "prospective," until he found out I was taken. This is the kinda stuff that I don't want to happen. I don't want to be cut off, I don't think I'm supposed to marry the guy I'm with now. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to. But I do know what is going to happen- I'm going to stay with him until he gets sick of me. And I'm almost trying to make that happen now, but I really don't like being a heartbreaker.
Anyway, it started in Sept. I met the most amazing person, and we just seemed to work well together- at least that's what I thought. The weekend after meeting him, I went back to school to tell me boyfriend that we needed to take a break. With full intentions to break up with him then, I saw him going into a depression so deep that everyone could tell.
If you know me, you know I don't like to see people hurt. In fact, I'm pretty much deathly scared by it. And if I inflicted the pain, it's even worse. Thus, in this situation, I did what every girl who was me would do- I told him that we needed to be back together. I don't know why, I was just fine. I was better than fine. I didn't want to.
Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a great guy. He loves the Lord and loves me very much. He does so much for me that I can't even begin to list them. He's always there to talk and to listen.
But he's just not like me. I mean, I don't want to be with someone that's an exact clone of me, but I want someone at least a little bit like me. That shares some of the same passions (more than just God, which, honestly, is the only passion we share- and even that passion is quite different since he is a devout Catholic), who likes music a lot, someone who can bring out the best of me. He just isn't that person.
I know you're probably all going to hate me after I say this, but here's where the problem comes in. I'm super good liar. And I have been lying to him about how I really feel just so he doesn't go into depression again. I can't see him or anyone else I know and care about do that to themselves.

And now this guy whom I liked has a girlfriend. Well, I guess God just didn't want it to happen, you know? Plus with him being in another state, I guess that would have been kinda hard.

I just wish God would send the right person to wake me up.

Or maybe this is my wake up call.

The List.

I've been thinking a lot about a future husband. I don't know if I met him yet, nor am I in any rush to meet him and run off right away to get married. I think God has a lot planned for me, and I don't know if that includes a husband or not, honestly.
But here are some things I would want in a significant other, whether he be husband or boyfriend.

1. Christian. (Includes no smoking, drugs, no sex before marriage, and inspiring devotion to his heavenly Father even through tough times)

2. Lets me be who I am, even when I have those quirky days.

3. He is kinda quirky himself.

4. Appreciates a nice cup of something warm while sitting under a big fuzzy blanket in the dead of winter.

5. Can sit in silence with me.

6. Doesn't walk fast.

7. Will take me on real dates.

8. Will give me room and freedom, but care about me and want to be involved with what I'm doing.

9. Honesty. If something I say is dumb, tell me.

10. I want him to be able to talk to me. Anytime. Middle of the night. Middle of the day. I want the cute voicemails that I save on my phone when to listen to when I'm crabby.

11. Patient.

12. A gentleman. Open doors for me!! :)

In return, I will be...

1. Caring. Understanding. I will try my hardest to see your viewpoint.

2. Random. It's one of my best features, and I will try to use it to make you laugh.

3. Your companion. I will go on road trips with you, sit on airplanes with you, stay at home with you, anything and everything.

4. Supportive. Whatever you do, if you're following in God's plan for you, I will support. I don't care if it's music or computers and technology- I will support you.


More to come....

New Year? Sure.

Well, it's the new year. People making resolutions left and right, half of them not being able to be fulfilled all year. Fitness clubs will see all-time high attendance records, fad diets will be running rampant.
I was thinking about a resolution, but decided I didn't want to make one. After all, if you don't make one, then you can't be disappointed when it doesn't work out.
As I was lying in bed, contemplating the next year, my dearest JBrown called me. We started talking about this next year, and she brought up what our resolution should be: "We should go to a foreign country on a mission trip and take pictures of kids while we're there."
Immediately, the pictures I have seen of African children with flies under their noses and emaciated stomachs came to mind. Do I want to take pictures of the most pitiful children I can find, hoping to change lives of gluttonous Americans and lead them to open their wallets to these children and their families?
The simple answer: No.
I do want to go on a missions trip, hopefully semi-long term, and I want to do it to India. But when I'm there, I don't necessarily want to find the children that will most move the hearts of those halfway across the globe: I want to find the children that show the reality of India. I honestly do not know what I will find, or what the reality will be, but I will be armed with a healthy body to work and a camera (God-willing) to record this reality.
So, my resolution for 2008: Save up money for my 2009 resolution: going to India.

Haphaphappy New Years everyone!

-Jenessa

I'm new at this!

So I need to write a blog...
This will do for a first one I guess, but look for more later.