Oh man.

Me=super bummin'. Kinda.
Yesterday I found out that a guy I really liked and appreciated saw me as a "prospective," until he found out I was taken. This is the kinda stuff that I don't want to happen. I don't want to be cut off, I don't think I'm supposed to marry the guy I'm with now. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to. But I do know what is going to happen- I'm going to stay with him until he gets sick of me. And I'm almost trying to make that happen now, but I really don't like being a heartbreaker.
Anyway, it started in Sept. I met the most amazing person, and we just seemed to work well together- at least that's what I thought. The weekend after meeting him, I went back to school to tell me boyfriend that we needed to take a break. With full intentions to break up with him then, I saw him going into a depression so deep that everyone could tell.
If you know me, you know I don't like to see people hurt. In fact, I'm pretty much deathly scared by it. And if I inflicted the pain, it's even worse. Thus, in this situation, I did what every girl who was me would do- I told him that we needed to be back together. I don't know why, I was just fine. I was better than fine. I didn't want to.
Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a great guy. He loves the Lord and loves me very much. He does so much for me that I can't even begin to list them. He's always there to talk and to listen.
But he's just not like me. I mean, I don't want to be with someone that's an exact clone of me, but I want someone at least a little bit like me. That shares some of the same passions (more than just God, which, honestly, is the only passion we share- and even that passion is quite different since he is a devout Catholic), who likes music a lot, someone who can bring out the best of me. He just isn't that person.
I know you're probably all going to hate me after I say this, but here's where the problem comes in. I'm super good liar. And I have been lying to him about how I really feel just so he doesn't go into depression again. I can't see him or anyone else I know and care about do that to themselves.

And now this guy whom I liked has a girlfriend. Well, I guess God just didn't want it to happen, you know? Plus with him being in another state, I guess that would have been kinda hard.

I just wish God would send the right person to wake me up.

Or maybe this is my wake up call.