Dear Charles Dickens,
I'm still bitter towards you. You ruined my college career. All I wanted was James Joyce. JAMES JOYCE! NOT YOU! I'm gonna punch you in the gut now.
Sincerely,
A broken-hearted academic
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
It'll be okay.
I keep telling myself that.
But the more and more I look at it, the more pain I feel.
I hate feelings.
But I really screwed this one up.
"There's no more second chances, no more free turns. You accomplished what you set out to do
and now you must simply learn."
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Day 10.
Dear Someone (I don't talk to as much as I'd like),
This sucks. Let's be friends.
Love,
Jenessa
I wrote this to a beloved brother/shepherd the other day...
So, I recently took a job at my church. I've felt God calling me back there for a while but never wanted to go back. I saw it as a very spiritually dead place.
But being back there I realize that's not true. It's just sleeping, waiting for the moment when God says, "ENOUGH! You are MY CHURCH! MY BRIDE! AWAKEN! BE ALIVE!" and the Holy Spirit is gonna come in all His glory, to a few, then to more, until when the Gospel is preached and the Word is spoken and people will be shaken. This may be foreboding ill, but the Word divides joints and marrow... I wouldn't doubt if that happens here.
Anyway, I was bumming because I felt like the only person there who really believes in the Holy Spirit... I mean, REALLY believes in Him. Knows and interacts with Him on a daily basis, relies on Him for inspiration and strength. I know it was the devil getting me down, but I really did feel that way. Then I started talking with one of my co-workers. He is the same way I am and attended the Holy Spirit Conference and such. I found out that there are 4 other people in our church that are the same way. I started finding out that many pastors in the LCMS are realizing that the Holy Spirit is alive and active and blesses us from generation to generation to carry out the great commission as found in the Gospel of Mark. Some are being thrown out of the church while other churches are becoming Spirit-filled and spreading the Gospel without bounds.
There's two ways you can respond to the Gospel. Revival or riot. You either change or shoot the guy who was saying it. There is NO ROOM for complacency, not when a war is being waged for your soul. And now we're starting to see it in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. The question is... are we gonna ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit? Or follow His guide?
But being back there I realize that's not true. It's just sleeping, waiting for the moment when God says, "ENOUGH! You are MY CHURCH! MY BRIDE! AWAKEN! BE ALIVE!" and the Holy Spirit is gonna come in all His glory, to a few, then to more, until when the Gospel is preached and the Word is spoken and people will be shaken. This may be foreboding ill, but the Word divides joints and marrow... I wouldn't doubt if that happens here.
Anyway, I was bumming because I felt like the only person there who really believes in the Holy Spirit... I mean, REALLY believes in Him. Knows and interacts with Him on a daily basis, relies on Him for inspiration and strength. I know it was the devil getting me down, but I really did feel that way. Then I started talking with one of my co-workers. He is the same way I am and attended the Holy Spirit Conference and such. I found out that there are 4 other people in our church that are the same way. I started finding out that many pastors in the LCMS are realizing that the Holy Spirit is alive and active and blesses us from generation to generation to carry out the great commission as found in the Gospel of Mark. Some are being thrown out of the church while other churches are becoming Spirit-filled and spreading the Gospel without bounds.
There's two ways you can respond to the Gospel. Revival or riot. You either change or shoot the guy who was saying it. There is NO ROOM for complacency, not when a war is being waged for your soul. And now we're starting to see it in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. The question is... are we gonna ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit? Or follow His guide?
Thoughts are generally frowned upon.
GAH.
As Christians, we expect God to do everything for us. To give us an easy life because of Him. To never have hardships, trials, persecutions because we're living with His Spirit. NEWSFLASH. The Parakletos (the Holy Spirit, manifested in us) was given as a COMFORTER and HELPER, afterall, that's what Parakletos means in the Greek. How far we have gotten off of this route frustrates me greatly. How lazy the Church has been, how lazy I've been, how unwilling I have been to do His will makes me angry.
It is true, we are nothing without God. We can't do anything that has even an ounce of good in it outside of Him. It is only with Him that we can do anything that resembles good (afterall, only God is good- Mark 10:18), but we also have to realize that we have been given free will and that we live in a fallen world. God did not call us to be lazy, that's not why He gave us the Parakletos. He gave us the Parakletos BECAUSE we live in this fallen world that so desperately needs Him. This world beats His Name, even if they don't realize it. They cry out for Him everyday, blinded to the fact that the One they need is right in front of them, behind them, all around them every second. He gave us the Parakletos that we may show this world that their every breath is a gift of God, that He is the only Truth. Ever. That true JOY is found in Him and with Him, we have true life. The Holy Spirit was given to believers (and is continually given to us to this day- Acts 2:38-39) with the mission of GO AND DO! (Mark 16:15-20).
So why are churches dead? Why are we sleeping? Why is my heart crying out for EVERYONE who bears His Name to be so-called "radical" for Him and I see no one doing it? Why am I not doing it? I am rooted, I have His blessing, WHERE ARE MY ACTIONS?
Oh God, I am on my knees before you. Forgive my insolence. Forgive my pettiness. Forgive me for forgetting the Parakletos and Your Mission for us.
Oh God, save us from being lukewarm.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I have never shook so hard while typing something.
This just complicated everything so much more.
God, give me the strength to do what is right, to follow Your will and to search Your Guide for the answer.
God, give me the strength to do what is right, to follow Your will and to search Your Guide for the answer.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 9.
Dear Aaron Gillespie-Someone I wish I could meet,
You are amazing. I just want to shake your hand and then bask in the greatness of all you are.
Love,
Jenessa
You are amazing. I just want to shake your hand and then bask in the greatness of all you are.
Love,
Jenessa
Monday, August 16, 2010
Day 8.
Dear Favorite Internet Friend,
I don't have one of you. Every single person I have on my facebook account I have met personally.
Wait, I take that back.
Dear Josh,
You're pretty awesome and your faith is so inspiring. Thanks for being so apparent, even just on your facebook account. Some day I hope our paths cross!
Doulos,
Jenessa
PS- your fotagrafy is purdy.
I don't have one of you. Every single person I have on my facebook account I have met personally.
Wait, I take that back.
Dear Josh,
You're pretty awesome and your faith is so inspiring. Thanks for being so apparent, even just on your facebook account. Some day I hope our paths cross!
Doulos,
Jenessa
PS- your fotagrafy is purdy.
Day 7.
Dear last ex-boyfriend,
You are amazing. Really. You astound me. I enjoy hanging out with you, going on hikes with you, watching "Arrested Development" with you, having random conversations with you about our families or just life in general. I can't believe you put burrs in my hair that one time. I'm gonna get you back for that.
I am so blessed to be good friends with you still. I thank God that we are civil and even enjoy being around each other even though we're not together anymore.
I just pray that some day you can thank the same God with me.
Love,
Me.
Day 6.
Dear Stranger,
I've seen you the past two days now and I just want you to know that I think you're a big teddy bear. I think I could walk up to you and hug you and you would give an amazing hug back. Your zombie act doesn't fool me, Mr. Man.
Love,
Jenessa
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Day 5.
Your dreams.
Dear Dreams,
I've learned not to hold on to you too tightly because most of the time God has different plans for me so you get changed a lot. I hope you don't mind.
Sincerely,
Jenessa
Dear Dreams,
I've learned not to hold on to you too tightly because most of the time God has different plans for me so you get changed a lot. I hope you don't mind.
Sincerely,
Jenessa
Day 4.
Your sibling (or closest relative)
Dear Anna, Cristina, and Melena,
For as much hell as you guys gave me growing up, I feel that I've turned out pretty okay. I mean, you three pretty much threw every trick in the book at me. In your defense, it made me less gullible!
Anna, I remember crying when you left for college. That was a hard change for me. I don't remember when the other two left, but typically, you fought on my side. At least that's how I remember it. Thanks for always being there for me and being my closest sibling although you're ten years older than me. You are so strong and so awesome!! Your kids are incredible and I only wish that you lived closer.
Melena and Tina, I'm glad you both realized that I have grown up... at least a little bit. I know we were never best of friends, but as time progresses it seems like I'm able to hang out and talk with both of you more than I ever was able to before. Thank God. Both of you are hilarious and great to be around... Melena, your art and your wit get me every time. Tina, I'm jealous of your amazing musicianship and your ability to make talk with anyone... even if you don't like them.
Keep being yourselves, keep loving and serving the God who Mom and Dad introduced us to years ago. Keep seeking after Him and raise your families to know and love Him as well!
Your littlest most annoying sister,
Jenessa
Dear Anna, Cristina, and Melena,
For as much hell as you guys gave me growing up, I feel that I've turned out pretty okay. I mean, you three pretty much threw every trick in the book at me. In your defense, it made me less gullible!
Anna, I remember crying when you left for college. That was a hard change for me. I don't remember when the other two left, but typically, you fought on my side. At least that's how I remember it. Thanks for always being there for me and being my closest sibling although you're ten years older than me. You are so strong and so awesome!! Your kids are incredible and I only wish that you lived closer.
Melena and Tina, I'm glad you both realized that I have grown up... at least a little bit. I know we were never best of friends, but as time progresses it seems like I'm able to hang out and talk with both of you more than I ever was able to before. Thank God. Both of you are hilarious and great to be around... Melena, your art and your wit get me every time. Tina, I'm jealous of your amazing musicianship and your ability to make talk with anyone... even if you don't like them.
Keep being yourselves, keep loving and serving the God who Mom and Dad introduced us to years ago. Keep seeking after Him and raise your families to know and love Him as well!
Your littlest most annoying sister,
Jenessa
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Rain Showers.
So, tonight I was driving home. It was one of those nights when you run out to your car because the rain has tapered off momentarily and you have those few moments to get into your car and head out on your merry way. So, I was driving home after the escapade of actually getting into my car and it was raining... a nice light rain, nothing I couldn't deal with on the road. I mean, sure, it was an inconvenience, annoying, but nothing that stopped me from going forward or even slowing down.
Then, suddenly, out of nowhere... WHOOSH. It starts monsooning all over my car. Great. I can hardly see, everything feels like it's going in slow motion and it seems like I'll never get out of this torrential and sudden rainfall. So I start praying, "God, just get me home safely. Please." I couldn't pull over because I have no flashers. I couldn't go the same speed because it was impossible. I just wanted to get home.
And then just as suddenly as it started, it's gone. Done. Hardly sprinkling.
I think God works like that a lot. He knows that in life we have minor distractions, like the light rain, but it's nothing that doesn't keep us from going forward. But when the monsoons come and you know you can't just pull over and stop, it's everything you can do to keep going. Even when it feels like the end, like you just don't know if you can move anymore, God is there and His grace and the strength He provides is more than enough.
See, too often I think our prayers are weak. "Lord, just get me home," as compared to, "Lord, in Your power and might, I ask that you stop this rain from affecting our forward progress." God can and will provide in abundant ways, if we would only ask. Because honestly, home (as in heaven) will be great, but our journey here is worth something too. When we can rely on God and ask Him for His provision and blessing, our lives become something that those outside of the faith want to be a part of. When they see what our God can do during a storm, they want to live a life that is infused with Him. Not because it's easy, but because God is the only solution. Ever.
"Lord, in Your power and might, I ask that you stop this rain from affecting our forward progress that we may be a people on fire for You. Release us from the hindrances this world throws at us, in Your Name."
Then, suddenly, out of nowhere... WHOOSH. It starts monsooning all over my car. Great. I can hardly see, everything feels like it's going in slow motion and it seems like I'll never get out of this torrential and sudden rainfall. So I start praying, "God, just get me home safely. Please." I couldn't pull over because I have no flashers. I couldn't go the same speed because it was impossible. I just wanted to get home.
And then just as suddenly as it started, it's gone. Done. Hardly sprinkling.
I think God works like that a lot. He knows that in life we have minor distractions, like the light rain, but it's nothing that doesn't keep us from going forward. But when the monsoons come and you know you can't just pull over and stop, it's everything you can do to keep going. Even when it feels like the end, like you just don't know if you can move anymore, God is there and His grace and the strength He provides is more than enough.
See, too often I think our prayers are weak. "Lord, just get me home," as compared to, "Lord, in Your power and might, I ask that you stop this rain from affecting our forward progress." God can and will provide in abundant ways, if we would only ask. Because honestly, home (as in heaven) will be great, but our journey here is worth something too. When we can rely on God and ask Him for His provision and blessing, our lives become something that those outside of the faith want to be a part of. When they see what our God can do during a storm, they want to live a life that is infused with Him. Not because it's easy, but because God is the only solution. Ever.
"Lord, in Your power and might, I ask that you stop this rain from affecting our forward progress that we may be a people on fire for You. Release us from the hindrances this world throws at us, in Your Name."
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Day 3.
Your parents.
Dear Momma and Daddy,
You two are so incredible. Even though you may not understand why I am the way I am and you may think I am altogether completely loca, you let me do my thing anyway. I cannot thank God enough for you two. You raised me to love Jesus with my whole heart and you are a constant reminder to me that serving Him is all that matters.
You gave me a beautiful childhood filled with so many amazing memories of spending quality time together. I know a lot of kids can't say that, but I am so blessed that I can. Dad, thank you for burning off your arm hairs, scaring away skunks, and nailing raccoons with slingshots in the middle of the night. Mom, thanks for always being there to take Dad to urgent care.
You are my calm in the storm, you are my greatest supporters and my most realistic critics. You two are my role models, the way I want my marriage to be when I am your age... if I am married by then. All the words in the world couldn't describe how much I love you and appreciate you. You are my rock in this world. Thank you to heaven and beyond.
Love from your youngest and most annoying daughter,
The Cruise Director
Dear Momma and Daddy,
You two are so incredible. Even though you may not understand why I am the way I am and you may think I am altogether completely loca, you let me do my thing anyway. I cannot thank God enough for you two. You raised me to love Jesus with my whole heart and you are a constant reminder to me that serving Him is all that matters.
You gave me a beautiful childhood filled with so many amazing memories of spending quality time together. I know a lot of kids can't say that, but I am so blessed that I can. Dad, thank you for burning off your arm hairs, scaring away skunks, and nailing raccoons with slingshots in the middle of the night. Mom, thanks for always being there to take Dad to urgent care.
You are my calm in the storm, you are my greatest supporters and my most realistic critics. You two are my role models, the way I want my marriage to be when I am your age... if I am married by then. All the words in the world couldn't describe how much I love you and appreciate you. You are my rock in this world. Thank you to heaven and beyond.
Love from your youngest and most annoying daughter,
The Cruise Director
Monday, August 9, 2010
Day 2.
Day 2- Your crush
Dear Crush,
I thought I had one of you, but it turns out I don't (Aaron Gillespie and Aaron Weiss are forever the exceptions). I mean, what's the point of throwing your heart out there just to have it stamped down? What's the point of pining after someone if there is no chance they will ever reciprocate your admiration? There isn't any.
Crush, I'm glad you're dead to me. You'll stay that way. Dead.
Love,
Jenessa
Dear Crush,
I thought I had one of you, but it turns out I don't (Aaron Gillespie and Aaron Weiss are forever the exceptions). I mean, what's the point of throwing your heart out there just to have it stamped down? What's the point of pining after someone if there is no chance they will ever reciprocate your admiration? There isn't any.
Crush, I'm glad you're dead to me. You'll stay that way. Dead.
Love,
Jenessa
My friend, Grayson, is rad-tastic.
heh.
Anyway, he's doing this and so I decided to do it on my blog. It might be interesting.
Write one letter a day for the next 30 days. Write them to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
You can either send it to them (anonymously or personally) or keep them to yourself.
He posted them with photos, if I think of it I will. Most of the time I'll probably be too tired (like I currently am) to do that.
So here we go!
Dear Best Friend,
I don't know if I have one of you right now. I just have a lot of good friends. Praise Jesus.
Love,
Jenessa
Anyway, he's doing this and so I decided to do it on my blog. It might be interesting.
Write one letter a day for the next 30 days. Write them to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
You can either send it to them (anonymously or personally) or keep them to yourself.
He posted them with photos, if I think of it I will. Most of the time I'll probably be too tired (like I currently am) to do that.
So here we go!
Dear Best Friend,
I don't know if I have one of you right now. I just have a lot of good friends. Praise Jesus.
Love,
Jenessa
Sunday, August 8, 2010
C.
My dear friend Charessa (my sister... who I have never met) is in the hospital with an aneurysm. Please please pray.
I met Charessa last fall when I tried to book a date for "Adopt-a-Jesus" to come up to Morris. She called me one day, kinda out of the blue (but God knew what He was doing) and the rest is history. From October through December we talked pretty much daily (sometimes several times a day) and became quite close. Since we both stopped working on the AAJ tour(s), we haven't been in touch as much but I have been trying to find time to head out to West Virginia to see her and her husband, Bob, and their three children, Starr, Stormie, and Che.
This woman, is a mother, a sister, a daughter, a teacher, and a friend. She is so passionate and driven... even if she's not exactly sure how something will work out, she's not afraid to try it and see what happens. She is a strong Christian and lives out her faith daily. She honestly is an inspiration and a joy to every person she comes in contact with.
Please pray for complete healing and for her sight to be restored. Pray that her spirits stay lifted and her heart light. Pray for her family as they continue to be a huge support for her, that their strength may never falter and that they may turn to God for all their needs.
Thanks guys! I know prayer does big and beautiful things and I know God hears our prayers. Let's send up a chorus to Him for C and her family! For more information about what's going on with her, her brother-in-law, Brandon, has been keeping up his blog with information.
I met Charessa last fall when I tried to book a date for "Adopt-a-Jesus" to come up to Morris. She called me one day, kinda out of the blue (but God knew what He was doing) and the rest is history. From October through December we talked pretty much daily (sometimes several times a day) and became quite close. Since we both stopped working on the AAJ tour(s), we haven't been in touch as much but I have been trying to find time to head out to West Virginia to see her and her husband, Bob, and their three children, Starr, Stormie, and Che.
This woman, is a mother, a sister, a daughter, a teacher, and a friend. She is so passionate and driven... even if she's not exactly sure how something will work out, she's not afraid to try it and see what happens. She is a strong Christian and lives out her faith daily. She honestly is an inspiration and a joy to every person she comes in contact with.
Please pray for complete healing and for her sight to be restored. Pray that her spirits stay lifted and her heart light. Pray for her family as they continue to be a huge support for her, that their strength may never falter and that they may turn to God for all their needs.
Thanks guys! I know prayer does big and beautiful things and I know God hears our prayers. Let's send up a chorus to Him for C and her family! For more information about what's going on with her, her brother-in-law, Brandon, has been keeping up his blog with information.
All else just fades away.
If you've ever had one of those moments where your eyes are no longer blind and you can see everything so perfectly and clearly like you were supposed to all along you'll understand this blog.
So far, I have been so concerned with my affairs. What's happening to me, how I'm feeling. Here's the kicker: IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I know you guys probably think that's a bad thing to say, but think about it. If I try to truly model my life after Christ, I wouldn't be here moping my severed relationships I have because of my self-centeredness, I would be celebrating another day that I am alive to do His work, to trust Him, to show Him love, to praise Him with my life.
Think about it. On the cross, Jesus didn't sit there and complain about His situation (and let's face it, it was infinity times infinity times worse than any situation I'm ever going to be in) and obviously mope about it... He asked His Father to forgive us because we suck. Figuratively, not literally. If Christ can do that amidst pain and complete spiritual anguish, why can't I, in my life, do the same? Why can't I think about others instead of myself?
Curse my sinful nature that it makes me do things I do not want to do.
So far, I have been so concerned with my affairs. What's happening to me, how I'm feeling. Here's the kicker: IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I know you guys probably think that's a bad thing to say, but think about it. If I try to truly model my life after Christ, I wouldn't be here moping my severed relationships I have because of my self-centeredness, I would be celebrating another day that I am alive to do His work, to trust Him, to show Him love, to praise Him with my life.
Think about it. On the cross, Jesus didn't sit there and complain about His situation (and let's face it, it was infinity times infinity times worse than any situation I'm ever going to be in) and obviously mope about it... He asked His Father to forgive us because we suck. Figuratively, not literally. If Christ can do that amidst pain and complete spiritual anguish, why can't I, in my life, do the same? Why can't I think about others instead of myself?
Curse my sinful nature that it makes me do things I do not want to do.
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