Oh man.

Me=super bummin'. Kinda.
Yesterday I found out that a guy I really liked and appreciated saw me as a "prospective," until he found out I was taken. This is the kinda stuff that I don't want to happen. I don't want to be cut off, I don't think I'm supposed to marry the guy I'm with now. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to. But I do know what is going to happen- I'm going to stay with him until he gets sick of me. And I'm almost trying to make that happen now, but I really don't like being a heartbreaker.
Anyway, it started in Sept. I met the most amazing person, and we just seemed to work well together- at least that's what I thought. The weekend after meeting him, I went back to school to tell me boyfriend that we needed to take a break. With full intentions to break up with him then, I saw him going into a depression so deep that everyone could tell.
If you know me, you know I don't like to see people hurt. In fact, I'm pretty much deathly scared by it. And if I inflicted the pain, it's even worse. Thus, in this situation, I did what every girl who was me would do- I told him that we needed to be back together. I don't know why, I was just fine. I was better than fine. I didn't want to.
Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a great guy. He loves the Lord and loves me very much. He does so much for me that I can't even begin to list them. He's always there to talk and to listen.
But he's just not like me. I mean, I don't want to be with someone that's an exact clone of me, but I want someone at least a little bit like me. That shares some of the same passions (more than just God, which, honestly, is the only passion we share- and even that passion is quite different since he is a devout Catholic), who likes music a lot, someone who can bring out the best of me. He just isn't that person.
I know you're probably all going to hate me after I say this, but here's where the problem comes in. I'm super good liar. And I have been lying to him about how I really feel just so he doesn't go into depression again. I can't see him or anyone else I know and care about do that to themselves.

And now this guy whom I liked has a girlfriend. Well, I guess God just didn't want it to happen, you know? Plus with him being in another state, I guess that would have been kinda hard.

I just wish God would send the right person to wake me up.

Or maybe this is my wake up call.

The List.

I've been thinking a lot about a future husband. I don't know if I met him yet, nor am I in any rush to meet him and run off right away to get married. I think God has a lot planned for me, and I don't know if that includes a husband or not, honestly.
But here are some things I would want in a significant other, whether he be husband or boyfriend.

1. Christian. (Includes no smoking, drugs, no sex before marriage, and inspiring devotion to his heavenly Father even through tough times)

2. Lets me be who I am, even when I have those quirky days.

3. He is kinda quirky himself.

4. Appreciates a nice cup of something warm while sitting under a big fuzzy blanket in the dead of winter.

5. Can sit in silence with me.

6. Doesn't walk fast.

7. Will take me on real dates.

8. Will give me room and freedom, but care about me and want to be involved with what I'm doing.

9. Honesty. If something I say is dumb, tell me.

10. I want him to be able to talk to me. Anytime. Middle of the night. Middle of the day. I want the cute voicemails that I save on my phone when to listen to when I'm crabby.

11. Patient.

12. A gentleman. Open doors for me!! :)

In return, I will be...

1. Caring. Understanding. I will try my hardest to see your viewpoint.

2. Random. It's one of my best features, and I will try to use it to make you laugh.

3. Your companion. I will go on road trips with you, sit on airplanes with you, stay at home with you, anything and everything.

4. Supportive. Whatever you do, if you're following in God's plan for you, I will support. I don't care if it's music or computers and technology- I will support you.


More to come....

New Year? Sure.

Well, it's the new year. People making resolutions left and right, half of them not being able to be fulfilled all year. Fitness clubs will see all-time high attendance records, fad diets will be running rampant.
I was thinking about a resolution, but decided I didn't want to make one. After all, if you don't make one, then you can't be disappointed when it doesn't work out.
As I was lying in bed, contemplating the next year, my dearest JBrown called me. We started talking about this next year, and she brought up what our resolution should be: "We should go to a foreign country on a mission trip and take pictures of kids while we're there."
Immediately, the pictures I have seen of African children with flies under their noses and emaciated stomachs came to mind. Do I want to take pictures of the most pitiful children I can find, hoping to change lives of gluttonous Americans and lead them to open their wallets to these children and their families?
The simple answer: No.
I do want to go on a missions trip, hopefully semi-long term, and I want to do it to India. But when I'm there, I don't necessarily want to find the children that will most move the hearts of those halfway across the globe: I want to find the children that show the reality of India. I honestly do not know what I will find, or what the reality will be, but I will be armed with a healthy body to work and a camera (God-willing) to record this reality.
So, my resolution for 2008: Save up money for my 2009 resolution: going to India.

Haphaphappy New Years everyone!

-Jenessa

I'm new at this!

So I need to write a blog...
This will do for a first one I guess, but look for more later.