I still remember a dream from when I was pretty small about Cruella de Vil. She was chasing me with those maniacal eyes of hers. Scary, to say the least, especially when you're as young as I was (probably around 6 or 7 years old).
But last night's dream may have topped it.
I was sitting in a chair in a large cathedral, one that I could easily equate with the Catholic faith yet was not Catholic at all (you will see why). I was sitting at the end of a row of chairs next to someone I don't remember. Next to that person was an old woman, constantly smiling and moving her eyebrows up and down in the "I know something's going on" fashion. Next to her was Josh, the youth and young adult pastor at a church I attend. I remember I wanted to sit by Josh and kept looking over at him but kept meeting the eye of the old woman instead. Apparently she thought Josh and I would make a good pair. Eventually, in order to get her to stop believing something that was not true at all, I stopped trying to make eye contact with Josh who continued to look straight ahead (which is weird, since the preacher in this church was to my right in front of more people sitting in chairs facing him). I started becoming short of breath as I listened to the preacher, which happens when I enter Catholic churches in real life. He started talking about how we need to die a physical death before we can be reborn in the Spirit (which, may I add, is NOT Catholic or Christian belief at all). I could feel myself falling into his words, starting to believe it. I was entering into my physical death so I could be reborn in the Spirit. My eyes were getting heavy, my body was becoming like lead. Then I looked over at Josh- he was doing the same thing. Immediately I came out of my trance-like state, and panicking I started yelling at him, telling him this wasn't true and that he didn't have to die a physical death to have the Spirit while the old woman was creepily smiling at us in her seat next to Josh. I felt totally helpless and unable to move as his eyes closed and he fell deeper and deeper into this lie.
It was at this time I woke up, still short of breath and feeling completely choked (my throat felt like it had closed up). Even remembering this dream makes me feel afraid. Because of this I don't think that the dream was from God. Psalm 91:5 says "You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day." There are numerous times in the Bible where we are told not to fear. In this dream, I was afraid of Josh believing and falling into a lie, not knowing where his soul would go when he died this physical death. Then could it be more? Could it be the fear of satan who began the lie Josh was believing? In Luke 12:4-5 Jesus says, "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him."
I think this dream sums up my ultimate fear- knowing that my friends are believing what the devil is saying and not in the salvation that God has given us through His Son. No matter how much I try to tell them they're believing a lie, I still feel totally helpless as they continue to believe whatever it is they believe about God (or the lack of God). And it makes my heart hurt.
And I'm happy to know that in real life, Josh does not believe this and never will. I know for a fact that he is going to heaven post-death and fights the devil with every weapon available from God. Not sure why it was him in my dream... still working through that one.
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