Trying, and trying hard.

Proverbs 31 is an awesome chapter of the Bible. I mean, it tells rulers not to drink but then tells us to give alcohol to the poor so they can forget their misery. Then it goes into "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy," (v. 8-9). And then comes the Proverbs 31 woman. I read this to my roommate the other night and it came up again on Sunday. I was talking with a woman that I really look up to in the Lord. She has kids and a husband and I really do see her as a Proverbs 31 kind-of a woman. But she said something really interesting. "We all can strive to be this Proverbs 31 woman, but we won't ever achieve it. She's not real, but we can try and make her real in our own lives." And it's so true. Even though someday I want to be this for my husband, I know I will make mistakes. I know I'll make a slip of the tongue and it won't come out as faithful instruction (v. 26). I know that sometimes I'll have lazy days (v. 27). But I also know that my husband will be quick to forgive and that my God has already paid the price to give me forgiveness.

That being said, I also feel the need to address my own singleness. I love being single. There's something about letting God totally fulfill me and sustain me on this path that is so beautiful. I've had opportunities to be in relationships and I have been in a relationship but each time my heart starts going down a path it shouldn't. God knows how to rend my heart back to Him and has done so many times. I am fully in love with my Father and guard my heart well because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Sure, there's still times I trip up, but I am always learning more. My God is Love, the Love of my life, the Lover of my heart. He knows me better than I know myself and loves me anyway. He is jealous for me and my love and it hurts Him when I put the opposite sex above Him. So why would I?

Sure, I may get married someday. But I'm not looking, not keeping my eyes peeled in case I miss "the one." If God wants me to be married, He'll put someone in my line of vision that is a man after His own heart and is so in love with Him that the only way we can meet each other is through our God. So yes, even though all of my sisters are soon to be married, I am joyful with who I am and where God has me, loving Him with my whole heart.